- I met my girl, though, uh, like--within a week,
we went on a date, and, uh, we had weed popcorn on our date,
one of our first dates.
If you never had weed popcorn, it's great,
'cause it's weed and it's popcorn.
- AUDIENCE: [laughter] - So it's fantastic.
But then you remember how you eat popcorn, and it's also weed?
So then you realize it's a problem. [laughs]
So, like, we would watch TV, and then we'd eat some popcorn.
And then I'd be like, "Is there anything to eat?" later.
And then, like, a few hours later, we'd eat more popcorn.
And then we, like, go out for a little bit, come back,
eat more popcorn.
So basically, we ended that date crying in the bathroom
for about three hours.
- AUDIENCE: [laughter]
- 'Cause it was way too much.
Way too much weed in one night.
Like, at some point in the night, I look over at her,
and I'm like, "Yo, wouldn't it be kind of dope
if my name was Thad?"
- AUDIENCE: [laughter]
- That's just the thing you say when you're high,
I guess, right? I don't know.
But you know you're high and with the one you love
when she looks right back at you and goes
"Yo, I was just thinking the same thing."
- AUDIENCE: [laughter and applause]
- I was like, "Oh, great, this is love, I get it now."
My girl is a lot stronger than me,
physically and mentally a lot stronger than me.
Physically, she lifts me up above her head before sex
and then sings "The Lion King" song.
- AUDIENCE: [laughter and applause]
- And then drops me inside of her, it's great.
- AUDIENCE: [laughter]
- We call it The Simba, you guys should try it out.
- AUDIENCE: [laughter]
- I just can't wait to be fuc-king. Um...
[laughs]
- AUDIENCE: [laughter and applause]
- I'm way too proud of that. [laughs]
The stupidest thing I've ever thought in my life.
But, uh... [laughs]
Also mentally, she's a lot stronger 'cause she lived
in London for a little bit, like, six months in college,
and while she was there, she got chased down the street
by somebody in, like, a white van.
They saw her and they chased her down the street.
And I guess it happens to them a lot,
but we just recently started listening to them.
- AUDIENCE: [laughter]
- It's sad, but it's true.
So, like, that happened to her in London.
We're still watching the TV show that takes place in London.
And she looks at me in the middle of it and goes,
"Ugh, I just miss London."
And I was like, "What are you talking about?"
I'm not like that at all.
I once had three bad meals in a row in Louisville, Kentucky.
And now any time anyone brings up Louisville to me,
I go, "Man, fuck Louisville!"
- AUDIENCE: [laughter]
- Never going back to that place
with the terrible chicken fingers.
- AUDIENCE: [laughter]
- My girl is Italian, so she's, like, kind of white.
- AUDIENCE: [laughter]
- Whitish, if it were an ABC show.
- AUDIENCE: [laughter]
- WOMAN IN AUDIENCE: Yeah!
- But her family's from Italy.
They moved here from Italy in, like, the 1970s.
And they settled in the suburbs of Boston.
I'm black. I grew up black.
I'm still black today.
- AUDIENCE: [laughter]
- I'ma ride it out a little bit longer.
- AUDIENCE: [laughter]
- Maybe 2020, I might change, but... [laughs]
"I'm Dominican now, what's up?"
But, uh...
- AUDIENCE: [laughter]
- But no, so I grew up different than her.
I'm from the city of Chicago, too.
I'm black from the city of Chicago.
She's Boston from the suburbs.
I was like, "Oh, okay, we're a little bit different."
But I really noticed how different we were
when we watch TV together,
'cause we watched the OJ Simpson FX miniseries together.
And there's a lot of stuff about that trial
that I had no idea about that she knew,
and a lot of stuff that I knew
that she didn't know about at all.
So watching them together really brought us close
in a lot of cool ways.
'Cause, like, one thing I didn't know--
I didn't know that he did it.
- AUDIENCE: [laughter and applause]
- You guys knew about this or what?
- AUDIENCE: [laughter and applause]
- They didn't tell black America that.
They told us the cops set him up and we were like,
"Oh, yeah, cops probably set him up, that makes sense."
But they did not.
- AUDIENCE: [laughter]
- He did it. [laughs]
- AUDIENCE: [laughter]
- He wrote a book called "I Did It,"
so I'm not sure how I didn't know.
- AUDIENCE: [laughter]
- The evidence was right there in front of me.
It's pretty crazy.
But she loves me, and I love her, so, you know--
yeah, hell yeah. [laughs]
- AUDIENCE: Aww!
- Aw, yeah!
That's right, we fuck!
- AUDIENCE: [laughter]
- And we love! [laughs]
That's what love is.