Hello everybody, my name is Markiplier
Welcome to Zen and the Art of Transhumanism
Now that's a big title but I don't exactly know what this game is about
Except for... pottery
Oddly enough, that's the only description I have seen about the game
and I don't know how that plays.. into the actual--
Hello
Hi
Who are you?
oh.. "Hello World"
OH are you a robot!?
Oh you're a cool robot
"Greetings, Akara-184, welcome to the job"
"H+CORPS expects you to be an excellent human upgrade crafter"
"Feel free to inspect your work zone until you're comfortable"
"Let me know when you are ready to accept requests"
"Yes, Master. Thank you."
Well that's a little bizarre
I don't have a gamepad, am I supposed to be playing with a game pad?
I could do that, I'm gonna do that just in case since it seems to be the A button is important here
Hello, ah
"You can check your finished pieces here"
"This is the operating theater"
"Here you'll receive our clients and install the necessary upgrades"
"Are you ready to get started on clients?"
No I wanna, I wanna study a little longer
No I want to study a little longer
Gimmie a few more seconds on this one
"This is the potter disk."
"With it you will shape handcrafted limbs and organs for the clients"
OH!
"This is the official H+CORP transhumanist wiki"
"You should check it to memorize some useful designs and know more about their effects"
Okay
"This interface holds data on this months client list"
"With it, you can keep track of client's progress and satisfaction"
Okay
Sounds bizarre and interesting, I'm totally into it
Yes, I am ready
Why can't, why is this no, eh gamepad no work on there! Alright whatever
"Perfect, first one coming"
Oh
Hi! Woah! Hello! Hi!
Human! You're naked! Why are you naked?
Why are you naked here?? I once again ask, why are you naked??
Hello
Check clients file, I guess
Caroline Kramer, 19 Clickbait writer
"No matter what I do, I can't get my follower count over 1000"
"Please help me!"
Okay, Alrighty then
So
"The Enchantress Increase your online social network charisma"
Well that sounds important
I think that's what we need
Okay, wait-- oh!
Ah, so I need to make that pattern in the pottery
Oooh
That's what it meant, OH!
Oh my goodness gracious!! Wow that is cool
What?
Oh man
Oh that's cool!
So I can't remember what I'm-- designs, I need to actually look at the designs
Can I get a design?
Oh I push it! Oh I boosh it!
Oh that's so cool! *Yes It Is Mark! ^_^*
That's a buttplug
That's a dildo
That's ANOTHER dildo
There we go, that's what I want
Okay, and I gotta get--
Shit!
No! God Damn It!
That's not what I wanted! I didn't mean to push that, sorry!
I don't think this is the right-- GOD FUCKING DAMN IT that's not what I'm trying to do!
Okay, whew
I feel like this would be easier with a mouse, than it would be with--
Hang on let me try it with a mouse
Maybe I never should have done it with--
Oh geez, yeah, okay
A little more precision
ha ho ho ha ho ho ha hu hu huu
Oh no, OH NO, OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD
OH
I fucked it up
I fucked it up, I fucked it up, reset, there we go
Good thing that's possible
And I don't understand where she's gonna shove this
To make it all acceptable
It's like momentum based, it's super weird
eh eh eh eh eh eh eh eh
little more, little more
woah woah woah there we go there we go
Nailing it, yeah! Nailed it, Nailed it! Nailed it!
End that, Bam Bitch!
Okay!
Got it, production complete
The Enchantress! I got it!
Okay, let's do that
Increase your social network online
It looks beautiful!
(singing) IT LOOKS BEAUTIFUL
Let's give that to you, Install modules
With That
Bam, A bloomsky!
Woah, ew ew ew
Huh? How?!
How will that work? Nice dick!
What is going on? You seem pissed!
That will make - But will that make her happier?
Probably, considering it's what she wanted
Okay
Majima Shun, 40
There's a new gang in town that's been causing problems
And they're strong
I need to get rid of them at any cost
Okay!
I got, I got the right thing to shove up your butt for something like that!
It looks a lot like
This
The Knight, Okay
The Knight, you say
Well, we'll try it, I dunno if it will be good
Designs-- nope-- aaahh fucking cock!
What what why the double press?
why wut why
OH COME ON!
Why the double press?
There we go, god damn it ok
Okay, here we go, here we go
Alright here we go
here we go
eh eh eh eh
eh
hye hye
Oh it's so hard, oh god
It's so hard to do
oooooooooh!
OH IT HURTS MY BRAIN
IT HURTS MY BRAIN
FUCK! Oh god you don't understand
Oh it really hurts my brain, oh I can't do that with the game pad, I just can't
Holy shit I can't
Oh my god
I've never seen like, more difficult controls. Okay here we go
euh uh uh
Oh it's so frustrating, oh the controls they hurt my braaaain
Oh, the controls hurt my brain
HOO
heh
heh, there we go
I got this
The night incoming, III'M A ROBO!
I'm good at my jooob and there we go
Okay
Holy shit
Oh my god that's so difficult to do
Got it - NOOOO!
STOP THAT
Alright here we go
Doesn't look very useful
Shut up! I didn't even try to do that
I'm gonna do this, Install modules, I got The Knight
Go for it
Shooove it right up in his gullet
Whabam
Okay
It's gonna cause some serious damage
Hello! Nice beard, and dick!
How ya doin?
I wonder if that was sensible on our side. Probably.
Okay
Jordi de Paco, 28
Game Designer
"No matter what I do, I can't make a good game"
"I want to make a game that is critically acclaimed by press and public"
Well I don't know how my...
thing's gonna be doing that
And I don't know why you guys keep showing up naked to my office
Not that I mind very much, but it's just
a little distracting
Okay, The Bishop: Genuinely enlightens your mind
Maybe I should just, make, some of all of these
That would make sense, right?
Oh, I'm getting it now, so like
If I use the right tool in the right spot
I won't need to worry about doing it around
because it'll just flow it all around
aaaaaaaaaah
ah, it cool! It cool!
It work, it work, ok
That's really cool
I didn't know I would be playing a game entirely based around sculpting
Even though that's what I said at the beginning of this, I didn't know the ENTIRE game was sculpting
Oh that's my best one yet
Oh that's a beaut!
Ah, Mwah! Mwah! That's a beaut!
Ok, I'm just going to keep making them all
I'm gonna do all the making of them
Right here
So the-- the answer is fairly obvious for these things
TADAAAAAH NAH NAH NAH NAAH
Bam!
Done
The Prince! Okay that's good
Okay, so I'm gonna keep making them
Ah, I get music while I work!
I don't typically listen to music on my own anyways so this is bizarre
Ok, so I believe this goes on the *in British accent* bottom
boootom
That'll just, hollow all that out
there we go
and done and done!
and I need...
Not this one
Eventually I'll need this one but come back to that one
This one, which is going to do this whole son of a bitch section right
Just like - OH THAT'S FUN!
ART IS FUN!
I LIKE ART!
NYAH NYAH NYAH
Yeah, Yeah YEAH that's more like it
*in some kind of English accent* That's more like it!
The Empress, ok got it, ok this one
Alrighty then, I think I know how to do this
Oh that's SO COOL
Oh man, I'm easily excitable but this actually is legitimately interesting to me
Like a lot of parts of games is like
A lot of people forget, there's story and then there's gameplay
And
For some reason this gameplay is like really appealing to me, like I have never really played anything like it
So, it's bizarre and odd but it's just an interesting experience
And that's like fascinating, because that's not often something that people get
There we go, ok
Ah that almost perfect
That almost perfect!
The Temple! Oh!
I'll be right with you game designer, you just stand there naked for a few more hours
I'll be done. Oh yeah cause now I'm gonna be working on the butt plug
I kinda forgot that was gonna be a
prettymuch
Thing I'mmuna do
Alright, there we go. Buttplug Complete!
Perfectly ready for insertion!
"The Pond", Suuuure it is
More like The Pound, because it's gonna... poun- Nevermind
Shoebadubipiadoo
boink
and a-boink ok there we go
and yeee-boink ok
Ah! Oh No! Oh Nooo!
Noooo!
No I messed up!
Oh! I had it perfect!
Ah! God Damn It!
I'm a fucking failure
I'm a failure at everything, I tried to be too perfect
And I just cocked it alllll up
I Cacked it allll up
Ah, yup
ah, eh
ahhyup ahhyup
eh eh oohyup ahhyup
ooohyup
Production complete, the snowflake
Oh yes, oh yes indeed, the beautiful Snowflake
Done. Ok.
Produc - The Cloud, oh ok. I dunno if there's anymore
Buttplug
That one
This one, Oh I think this one is the last one, or I am pretty sure anyway
heh
Heh
Heeeh
HEEEH Ok I think that was the very last one
The Void
Ok, so you're gonna need
Uh, Prooooobably this one, the Bishop
Have fun with that up in your gut by everything you eat
I'm sure this developer will come up with some cool games now
But does this kind of success benefit him?
Yeah, probably
Let's see, what do you need
Pitor Garfield, 52
Doctor Chemist
"I spent my whole life in research and I never had a girlfriend"
"Please. I want to have sex, I want to fuck a lot of people"
Well
I've got just the thing probably!
"Empowers your overall sex appeal"
Okay, just have that in there
Whip that out when you're ready and you'll be great to go
"I'm sure that guys sexual life is about to bloom"
"I just hope that'll be enough for him"
Well
Maybe, Maybe not, but who am I to judge
Patricia Lafayette, 97
Singer
"I've enjoyed a fancyful life, now I can't help but feeling my end is near"
"I don't want to abandon the stardom and my fans, please, do something"
Y'know, Lady
You may just be a pile of pixels but for 97 years old
Hot Damn! You're looking pretty good! I mean uh I just want to calls em like I sees em *For God's Sake*
Okay
Lifespan? You got it
Shove that right up on in there, you're fragile enough that you can take it.
"Patricia just bought herself some extra time."
"Did you know that immortality was considered a curse by some ancient cultures?"
I think I consider it a curse too
Let's see
Check clients file, Carolina Kramer, Clickbait Writer
"No matter what I--" Oh! "Wow, my follower count went wild thanks to you"
"But now there are a lot of assholes harassing me"
That's no good
I suppose
I forgot that there's something over here that I can use to check up on
"Which folder do you wanna access?"
Ok, completed jobs
No completed jobs? Well there might be some completed jobs, what're you talking about?
Caronlina Kramer
Okay, anyway
So yeah, that's fine
So I'm just doing follow-ups now so
Now what do you want?
I'm not sure
Eliminates the need for social acceptance
Maybe I should have installed that first
That would have been good
"You freed her from her dull craving, well done"
Hello!
What is wrong with you? You decided to put on some clothes
"Brutal, I've never had so many good ideas"
"I even won a Ludum Dare!"
"Still, I feel like I won't ever surpass Hideo Kojima"
Okay
Surpresses any violent impulses
I don't think that's the right one
Removes EVERY type of ambition
AH
GREAT
That's good for the human spirit, I'm sure
"His ego won't do him any good, you've just saved him"
Oh yea
It feels like it
Let's see what about you
"I feel so full of life, thank you, my fans already noticed it"
"Never the less, how long will this last, could I get some more?"
uhm
Maybe, maybe not
Let's see, cancels any carnal impulses
Concedes
Un.. Uhn... unconc...
Undoncitonal
acceptance towards death
Okay, have some of that lady
I bet that feels good *Mark... WHYYY?!!!!!!*
"To be free from oneself, that's the summit of any existence"
Nice dick!
alright
"Amazing, I could feel their bones breaking under my knuckles"
"However they brought even stronger fighters now"
"Make me stronger"
oh kaay
How bout
How bout a nice buttplug for ya
Lets see, cancels any carnal impulses, supresses any violent impulses
There we go, shove that up your butt and show em what for
"You just made the world a lot more peaceful, you did well"
Let's see what about you
"I'm exhausted, I'm so happy, thank you so much"
"Sadly, there are still some beauties who resist my charms"
Okay, what if I double up
I kinda wanna double up on this guy
I wonder what would happen if I did
I really wonder what would happen
Hang on
One second
I'm gonna make him up another prince
Because I think it'd be funny
to see what happens
So this is probably not going to do him a whole lot of good
buuuuut I wanna see I'm just a little curious
I'm going to make you even more irresistible
Have some of that
gooo goood
"I'm sure this guys sexual life is about to bloom!"
oh.. hi
"I just hope that'll be enough for him"
Alright welcome back
exhausted
ah god damn it
So what happens if I completely dominate this guy with only princes
I mean there's every possibility that I could do that and I think in the eventuality what it's trying to say is that he would be completely replaced
by robotic parts, at that point
and then he would no longer
be
Human
But at the same time, removing all of these base impulses is also
taking away their humanity, so what in reality is better
I can't just remove all of his sexual desires, would that be good?
I dunno, who am I to say
maybe in this one person
maybe he really should
have non stop sexual bliss, for as long as he may live
Ok so I made three more of these things
NOOPE
Nope no no
Get outta there, end end end end end
that's not what I meant to do
I know it's not very useful
I know, I know, I know
I made three more of these things because
That might be just enough
to completely transform this person
Into a robot,
HAVE SOME OF THAT I'll see you around the bend
okay, sexual life about to bloom huh
alright
Let's give you another one
another one, why don't cha
Have fun with that
aah
Hello, welcome back
You want one more? I've got one more for you
You're gonna be a sexual dynamo, let me just make sure like
What is he actually saying?
Exhausted
I wonder if anyones actually be able to have sex with you once you're completely robo
Welcome to the club
Oh I need to make one more than, I need to make Just One More
Okay buddy, here ya go
Last one you'll ever need
hoba da boo boop
Have fun
WAIT
WHAT
Hello?!
What!? Who are you?
Who the hell are you?
Well this game's broken!
FINE!
BE NEUTERED!
There have that!
Go on
Get outta here
Woah
"Well done Akara-184, you've mastered the art of Transhumanism"
"Now you're ready to help us shape the new world"
"See you at the other side"
"Understood master, thank you"
Okay
But that poor guy
Man, he fucked himself to death
and then right back around the loop of life
back into normal humanism
Well there ya go
That is Zen and the Art of Transhumanism
Hope you enjoyed it!
Something to think about, and then something not to think about later on, but
either way, a fun game, and an oddly enough fun to do some sculpture
Thank you again!
And as always I will see you
In the next video!
Buh Bye!
*outro music*