- Okay, so today is super exciting
because it's the day that I'm introducing the cast
to.... (drum rolling)
my boyfriend!
That's right, Courtney locked one down.
I've been wifed up.
I have a boyfriend.
(tapping table)
- Oh, Courtney I don't think
I've ever heard you mention your boyfriend,
which means I'm a terrible friend.
Court, I'm so sorry.
- Damien, I constantly mentioned him.
Oh, I've never mentioned him.
I just like to see if I can make Damien feel bad enough
that he'll clean my car.
(text pinging)
- Oh my God, he's here! (Courtney giggling)
Do I look okay?
Dude, I'm so excited you get to meet him!
Oh my gosh!
Oh my God!
- Ah, now I gotta clean Courtney's car again.
(playful music)
- Hey guys.
- Wait, Ian, are?
- Are you Courtney's boyfriend?
- What's up pretty girls.
(rock music)
I'm Dominic Patrone, Courtney's boyfriend.
Hey.
(Dominic gasping)
Ooh! (water gun squirting)
- Ooh, hoo, hoo,
you're lactating, dude!
What the hell?
Just kidding,
this is just a prank I'm working on,
where I put milk in my little water gun
and I spray it on your titties
to make it look like you're lactating.
(Dominic laughing)
- Wow Dominic, that's a really funny prank.
You might be the funniest person I've ever met.
You're so cool.
- Oh, yeah dude.
Milky, milky, momma milky, mommy milky.
- Twice, so funny. - Oh my God, so momma milky.
So momma milky. Ha, ha, ha, ha.
- Okay guys, thank you for attending the super smash secret
under the table council meeting.
Now, first order of business,
Dominic is just Courtney in a wig, right?
- Wait, what?
No, Dominic doesn't look anything like Courtney to me.
In fact, I think he's going to be my new man friend.
I'm gonna invite Dominic over to my house
for some one-on-one man time. I think it will be neat.
- Let's just be supportive friends and go along with it.
- Yeah, okay.
I have no intention of being a supportive friend.
I'm gonna catch Courtney transforming into Dominic
because this is all ridiculous.
(suspenseful music)
- Ah...
- Whoa, how long have you been standing there Yam?
- My name's Ian and I'm trying to catch you changing
into this Dominic, Courtney.
- Ooh, Ween's a little pervert one
watch little Dom Dom change, huh?
Do I like it, do I not?
It's one secret I'll never tell.
- My name is Ian, not Ween and I'm being a detective,
not a pervert, all right?
- Okay, all right, chill.
Easy my guy, no need to freak, okay?
Listen, I'm a sigma man, okay?
Neither alpha nor beta, I create my own Beth.
So don't (beep) with me!
Unless you wanna (beep) me a little,
just a little bit, fool around, (beep) with me.
- You are a Russian nesting doll of mixed emotions.
- Thank you.
- Yoo-hoo, Dominic. I've made us tuna subs
for our one-on-one man lunch in the park.
Tuna is statistically the best meat.
It's got a lot of power protein,
it's got a lot of power carbs
and it is a very, very easily replaceable fish.
We got so many of those left.
Hey Ethan.
- It's Ian.
- Oh! Hey, your friend's pervert.
Come on milky nips, let's go eat some tuna in the sun.
(both laughing)
- I should have left with Anthony.
It's just Ian, it's not that hard of a name to mess up.
(indistinct) It's not Yam, it's not Ween,
It's not Ian Wildcox.
- Okay. Dominic, he's a bad dude, I'm on your side.
- Oh my God, Dominic is Courtney.
- It doesn't matter, because whoever they are, they suck.
I just saw them steal a bunch of meds
from the smash first aid kit.
- Oh, dude, what's Advil?
Is that short for like Adderall and Vicodin? Sick!
(meds rattling)
Oh, hey Olivia! Nice ass.
(meds rattling)
- I never thought Courtney would go for a bad boy.
Always thought she would go for someone like really cool,
hot, kind of small, for someone like... me.
- Whoa, dude, did you know that your sink
double functions as a bidet?
- Dominic? - I just-
- Why did you steal three of my tuna cans
and then ditch me in the park?
- (sighing) Dummy buns, I was stealing them
so I could Robin Hood them to the squirrels
that was hanging out by the park.
You know, steal from the rich give to the... squirrels.
- See, I told you this guy sucks.
- Oh, he thinks I'm a sucky boy.
You think I'm a sucky boy? Well you wanna (beep) wrestle?
I'll wrestle you right now. I'll kiss you,
I'll punch you right in your (beep) neck.
- Okay, bet.
- Let's go. - You wanna go, you wanna go?
(both grunting)
- No, stop, my cap, no cap, that was my cap.
- Yeah, yeah, put your freaking cap on.
(grunting resumes)
- Weenie Cox, are you beating up my boyfriend?
- Wait, you're different people?
- Of course we are.
- You look identical.
- I'll prove we're not the same person right now.
You want to see us make out?
- [All At Once] No.
- Bro, fine.
You want to see me ans Ian make out?
- [All At Once] No.
- What?
- I don't know, thought it'd be polite to ask,
that maybe that was something that you guys wanted to see.
I'm sorry.
- What would that prove?
- It would prove this
♪ You got me crazy, up all night ♪
♪ Woo-Oh-Oh ♪
♪ You got me crazy all the time ♪
♪ Woo-Oh-Oh ♪
♪ Your first impression, obsession ♪
♪ I don't know why ♪
♪ You drive me crazy day and night ♪
♪ Woo-Oh-Oh ♪
♪ Wooo-Ooo-Ooo ♪
♪ Wooo-Ooo-Ooo-Ooo ♪
♪ Wooo-Ooo-Ooo ♪
- Why do I love Dominic? Well, he's cute and funny
and he puts various liquids in a water guns
for those pranks and we agree on a lot of things.
Like how my friends have nice asses
and he got best dressed in the County Jail yearbook.
- Man...
- Also his face is like really familiar
in a comforting kind of way, I don't know what it is.
♪ You got me crazy, up all night ♪
♪ Woo-Oh-Oh ♪
♪ You got me crazy all the time ♪
♪ Woo-Oh-Oh ♪
- [Dominic] I'm done.
(everyone laughing and clapping)
- That was (indistinct)
- [Presentator] A moment with God.
- My favorite food, batteries. Someone's got to eat them.
- [Presentator] (whispering) A moment with God.
- Hello everyone. I'm Matt Ressman.
- And I'm Car Ressman.
(stuttering) And we, we own the, the Corner Mattress Shop
on the corner of fifth and sixth.
And we got, boy do we have the mattresses.
- We got too many of them.
Are you doing a local community production
of The Princess and the Pea and you need 30 mattresses ASAP?
We're the only hope you have.
- Get our mattresses. We promise they're fine.
- Are you worried about what's in the mattresses?
Loosen up hypocrite, you're fine with fortune cookies.
Why not figure out what's in our mattress too?
- Don't look in the mattress.
Just get it, take it home,
put it in your closet, forget about it.
- Burry the mattress six feet below,
don't come back for a long time.
We hid a Halloween skeleton in there
and that's what we found a year later.
- Yeah. If you see things, if you hear things,
there's nothing. I promise, they're not, it's not real.
Don't look in the mattress.
- Don't look in the mattresses.
- Don't look in the mattresses,
but we need you to get them now, okay?
We need you to come right now.
- $100 Whole, whole thing.
- You got it. Just call, just call, just call a number.
Just dial some numbers on your phone,
don't worry, I'll know it's you and you'll know it's me
and we'll... just say "I'm coming" and I'll say "Good."
And we'll meet you outside.
(suspenseful music)