SLAM
BIGGER SLAM
Mark: uGh
(Mark) Amy? (Amy) Yeah?
Mark: Can you come tell me if my head's cut off?
*Thing falls*
siGH
dINg slAM bUMP BAM
This...is...the new Sour Patch Kids...cereal.
I know. Candy? For breakfast?
No, it's har- It's- it's candy.
You can't buy this in stores, or at least I couldn't.
Nowhere in LA, at least, listed on... [box slapping] the website for this...
Whatever the brand is. Is this the guy that didn't want you to masturbate?
Was it Kellogg or Post that didn't want you to mastur-
(Amy) Kellogg.
(Mark) Kellogg? Okay, so Post...
Loves masturbation. (?)
But, this has nothing to do with this cereal.
You can't get this in stores yet.
I had to order this online through some obscure website called Am-a-zahn.
I have not read reviews about this.
I have not watched other people... consume this product.
I have only used my imagination to think about what this could taste like,
And I've built up a lot of expectations about what it could be,
And I'm gonna see if it matches those expectations in any way, shape, or form.
And if it does, then I get nothing,
But if it doesn't, then I get nothing.
And I don't know why I have a LaCroix here.
I brought it out to drink, and then I never...got around to drink it.
So if I need to wash the taste out of my mouth...
...if it's bad. But if it's good, then it's good. So...
Haha.
Proper...cereal box opening etiquette is...
I have no idea. Go at it like a cannibal.
Go at it like someone who hasn't eaten in 30 days. Or ha...actually,
Someone who hasn't eaten real food besides cereal in 30 days.
*Loud crinkling*
*Analyzing the situation*
*Inhale*
Okay, I immediately have a problem...
I don't know if that will focus in any way, shape, or form.
I'll take a picture...later just to give you a detailed shot of this.
Actually no, I could...I can do this, I'm a...
I'M GONNA MOVE THE CAMERA!
(Amy) You need help?
(Mark) No...
(Amy) Okay!
(Mark) I'm a professional.
(Mark) So...that...wait for it...
Therrrre she is! that- that right there- that there-
Z O O M
that doesn't look necessarily like a Cabbage Patch Kid?
But it's close...
I guess.. finger for scale. It's tiny though. This is not Cabbage Patch Kid size..
This is itty bitty..
This is the teensiest weensiest little thing I've ever seen, and I've seen some teensy-weensy things- ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
Heh, I look at myself in the mirror every morning
A M Y ?
I wasn't talking about my penis.. (Are you sure about that?)
NOM NOM NOM
Oh, am I still zoomed in?
So I ate one. You probably couldn't see cuz it was just zoomed in on this gap of my chest.
uh but I ate one.
I wanted- even now I realize how little fanfare I put into that.
Initial conclusions.
Sour in a cereal is very weird
I imagine that when I mix it with the milk
It's gonna make it seem like that milk has been spoiled
And if it doesn't I don't know if it's gonna be pleasant now, here's the thing about me
You need to know this about me.
This is very important. This is really #1 about, learning about...Mark-e-plier Fischbach
I like sour things. I like sour things too much
I like sour things to the point where I make my mouth bleed from the acid
SLAM
What makes sour things sour now I'm gonna look at this and if I don't see acids on here
I know I'm not gonna REALLY like it the same way that I like-
OOOH~ Citric Acid!
That's the baseline sour stuff.
That's that's baby sour level stuff, but that's still sour now. I don't know if that's in normal cereal though..
*intense thinking* (btw looked it up and yes it's in regular cereal)
I don't know whatever- Okay.
*Cereal noises*
You got your blue, yellow- kinda orange. There is a difference between yellow and orange there. That's orange. That's yellow.
THAT'S red and of course green
Which we already saw, but we don't really care about. So you got all your Cabbage Patch Kids here, kind of cool.
I guess I don't know. I'm all about real crap cereals-
Mark: Amy am I in frame? No, it's fine. I don't care.
Amy: I'm Comin-
Mark: No it's fine.
Amy: I'm already standing!
Mark: Well- okay,
Mark: My heads cut off? Right here?
Mark: This is usually how I eat cereal anyway..
Amy: I mean I can-
Nah.. It's too late, I'm already down. I'm already down. I'M ALREADY DOWN
Amy: Hold on I got you..
Mark: Wait, no, you- you got to say you are already standing, and I get to say I'm already-
I'm- I'm still gonna stay like this- you want to try some?
BANG
Wait, no my other box. I can't tell..
a difference...
Between the different flavors. I'm all for crap cereals
I think I said that already- but my crap cereals of choice are usually like, cinnamon toast crunch, which has a sweetness to it
But not really a sour. I like Captain Crunch, but that makes my mouth bleed for other reasons
You take two bowls of Captain Crunch
You- won't have teeth. Something about it just erodes the insides of your mouth. And I don't know if it's necessarily a sour thing
I think it's just because they put rocks in it and everyone knows Mohs hardness scale
teeth fall low on Mohs hardness scale or high
I'm not sure but whatever they put in Captain Crunch that's higher on Mohs hardness scale
If you don't know Mohs hardness scale, that is the scale
very scientific and definitely still accurate in 2019 that says that whatever number of
Hardness that thing is the only thing that can scratch it is something of equal or higher
number of Mohs..
Mores?
M-more?
Mohr's hardness?
So- uh, maybe the milk is gonna like have a reaction to this. I don't know. I'm not gonna take it dry-
Alright- guess, I have to now.
C R O N C H
M U N C H M U N C H M U N C H
Now see I don't really like taking a dry spoonful of anything-
let alone cereal..
it wasn't like it was unpleasant?
It's just that I- in all of my years of eating cereal.. which are many I might be an expert at it-
It's never been sour and it's not anything like a lot of sour it's like a little bit
It's like teensy tiny amount of sour. Do you want to close up? I guess I don't know..
Am I in frame? I don't know...
NOM NOM NOM NOM NOM
BANG
I mean- like it's not bad.
The appeal of Sour Patch Kids for some weirdos is that they are sour and then sweet which goes for anything
That's sour because it's only the coating that's sour except for warheads
I guess those are sour all the way through I think but either way like usually its surface coating stuff
so it's not hard to coat the surface of something like this with something sour make it look roughly like a Sour Patch Kid and
Then it'll be sweet because it's got so much sugar in it that you'll get diabetes instantaneously, but I will add milk
*whole* milk
Which is the only milk, that exists, everything else is water
MUNCHY MUNCH MUNCH-
Am I still zoomed in?
Ok- first bite
Bad
didn't like
milk didn't help
it made it go down smoother, didn't help. Kind of getting that kind of like- "Is this milk spoiled?" question in my mind.
OM NOMy NOM
Not good
not great, but it's not enough of bad to stop me from keep going.
Those are words
O_O
AAAaaa~
Wait, there's a, there's a mad lib. There's a mad lib!
Amy! (Amy: Yeah) there's a mad lib (Amy: Great!) do you have a pen?
Amy: You don't know where the pens are?
Mark: Where are the pens?
Amy: In the pen basket.
'iN tHE peN bASKeT'
Mark: Could you bring me one?
Amy: Yeah!
Mark: Mm!
Mark: You wanna play?
Amy: Keep the whole basket.
Mark: Wait, wait, wait-
Amy: No I'm okay.
Mark: Wait no, give me an adjective.
(Amy) Dirty.
(Mark) Dirty...
Mark: Uh, place!
Mark: P-place..? Alright, fine.
Wyoming!
Play by myself...
A time. I'm no-I'm not reading the mad lib itself, I'm just like pulling things out. Time...
8:21 p.m.
Noun.
Umm...ro...
Rock.
(Will Do)
Adjective...smoky.
Noun. Uh...gonad.
Adjective.
UHHHHH
Hasty! Uh, verb. Umm...
Smack!
(Siri) Just to confirm: You'd like to call Oliver Harmont?
(Mark) Wha...NO!
(Siri) Okay.
(Mark) N-no!
Verb. Smack. Noun...hemorrhoid.
Just one. Hemorrhoid.
Adjective. Uhh...
Spartan? No, not Spartan. Uh...
Sparse...spar-sparse.
Verb. Uh...uh...
SMOOSH!
Adjective...
Z A N Y
Number. Uahhhh...
Three-million..
...two-hundred-and-twenty-two?
Okay. Alright, guys, this is gonna be great.
*weird cough*
Alright. "You wake up in a dirty Wyoming at 8:26 p.m. in the morning."
"You get up and accidentally trip over your rock...
...but find your footing when you hold on to the smoky gonad."
"This is gonna be a...tasty day!"
"You smack downstairs to the kitchen...
...because it's time for the most important meal of the day...
...breakfast." DUH.
"You get your hemorrhoid bowl and a spoon, all the proper equipment...
...as you pour your sparse Sour Patch Kids cereal."
"It smoosh all over the kitchen floor and turns into a zany mess."
"Luckily, 3,000,222 of the Sour Patch Kids still made it into the bowl. Wahoo!"
"It's gonna be a sweet day!"
Anyway, my cereal is now soggy.
Holds up the crunch!
[Tragic music]
Sour Patch Kid: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA [Tragic music]
[Tragic music]
My favorite part about cereal is the activities. That's a pretty good activity.
But the problem is this activity isn't designed to share like you can't have friends over and they look at the back of the cereal
Be like, oh I can still do this
They can kind of laugh at what you put in here, but it won't exercise their brain at all
But then again if you have this cereal, you're not gonna have any friends, it's not that it's bad
It's that I don't like it
The problem is this is probably aimed at people that like sour things
But there is very few people that like sour things more than I do and I do not like this cereal
There are so many other cereals that are a better experience overall than eating of this cereal here ambitious idea
Very unpleasant IKEA. I will keep eating it. Like I will eat probably another bowl
I will probably finish this box, but that's because I hate myself and not necessarily that I'd like it
I am so lazy and desperate that I would rather eat cereal that I don't enjoy then actually think about what I'm eating
[Clears Throat]
Yeah, yeah that was um
That was not good
I don't understand why that was the way that it was I don't know whose pitch made this into a reality
crunch crunch crunch
crunch crunch crunch smack
*Markiplier activates thinking mechanism*
Maybe it's growing on me.
*eww yucky*
No, still bad.
That's not good.
Oh well, I tried it. You can still try it for yourself. Like I recommend anything. Don't take my word on it. I am...
Oftentimes an idiot, but I don't like it as a sour candy connoisseur
I don't like this, but that doesn't mean that I wouldn't eat it
so I give this a bite the head off first out of...
10, because you want to just get it over with
Don't make it suffer like your job is just to eat this bowl of cereal
You got to eat it
So you can go to school or you can go to work or you can go to an early grave
Whatever way just bite the head off that's ridic-
So thank you everybody so much. If you want to see me review more cereals. I don't know, tell me in the comments or something and as always
c r o n c h
I'll see you in the next video
Bye Bye
Subtitles made by kokisenpai c: (With a little help here)[And me which I barely did anything]
Well that's content