(upbeat music)
- [Orange] Derp.
- Hey guys, I got my hands on Grand Theft Auto 5.
My parents don't know.
Okay, let's get down to it here.
- Where is he?
Where's the joker?
- What?
- I got a report of a crime happening here.
- No, no, no crime going on here.
Nobody got Grand Theft Auto without
their parents permission.
- Wait a minute!
Oh no, it's you again.
(groans)
- Hey Batman.
- I got a report that people heard sirens and
shooting...
- Oh yeah, no, no, that's the Grand Theft Auto.
Sorry.
- Great, well Todd, not that I don't enjoy
these little chats...
- No, no... - I got a job to do.
- Batman, play with me.
If you don't play with me, I'm gonna tell everybody
your true identity.
- Yeah, true identity, I don't have a true identity.
- Bruuuuuce.
Ow, ow, okay, okay.
- The mind of a criminal.
- Yeah. - I know it,
I know it too well,
Todd.
- This could help with your stuff, you know?
- My stuff?
My unending war on crime, yeah.
My stuff. - Yeah, your stuff.
- My stuff, yeah.
That's what it is, it's a hobby.
It's like painting ceramics.
You have no idea what I've seen, Todd.
- What's the worst thing you've seen today?
- Today?
- Yeah.
- I saw scarecrow fill a bag with fear toxin.
- Yeah? - Yeah.
- Oh man.
- And I was exposed to it, Todd.
- No way.
- Yes, my greatest fear took hold.
Suddenly I was in front of a crowd of thousands
and I had to give a speech
in my underwear.
It was terrifying.
- I thought it was bats.
I thought you were scared of bats.
- That's a fear, it's not my number one fear.
I was this close to becoming Public Speaking Man.
- Oh, that would have been pretty stupid.
Huh. - Yeah, I know.
But I had a costume made up and everything.
- Wow, what was that costume like?
- It was just basically a suit and tie, blazer.
- I feel like it worked out for the best.
- Yeah, you're probably right, Todd.
What's happening here on the screen?
- Okay, now you got sent on this mission, right?
You got a task.
Did you read what the task was?
- No I missed it.
- Okay, now you're just running around...
- Is my task to launch into this guy?
- You're gonna car jack this guy, okay?
Good, good.
- Let me find...
- Now. - I'll play along.
- Now we drive. - Under deep cover.
They don't know that ultimately I'm taking
them down from the inside.
- Exactly. - Yes.
- Nice air.
- Nice, it's no batmobile, but it's pretty...
- Yeah, no that's...
- What is it?
Sensible compact.
- Very. - Yeah, it's like a
Volkswagen-mobile.
- I'm playing now.
- Flying the plane.
There's no batwing, I'll give it that.
- Yep.
Sure isn't.
- Nope.
Looks like a pretty standard bomber of some sort.
- If I was a superhero, I think I'd be
Cool Guy.
- Yeah.
What would your powers be, Cool Guy?
- Probably a freeze ray 'cause I'm cool.
- All right, that actually makes a lot of sense.
- And then I'd like, I'd have an icicle gun.
- Yeah, so you'd have a freeze ray and an icicle gun?
- Yep.
- Yeah, and what would you do, Cool Guy?
- I'd be cool and I'd shatter ladies hearts.
- You ever even talk to a girl, Todd?
- No, I've...
I've run up to several
and gotten up the courage to poke
a couple of their shoulders.
Wasted?
What happened, oh man I got to start
paying more attention to this game.
- Let's get in this game.
- Okay, you play, you play, you play.
- Watch and learn, Todd.
I've been practicing since the last time.
Although I've been playing only goat simulator,
so I hope this...
- Yeah, this is a little different.
- Things got real.
- Bada bing, the ice... - I thought you
said bada bing.
- Bada bing?
- Yeah, that was when you were Cool Guy.
- Oh, that'll be my other catch phrase.
- Bada bing!
- I'll shoot a guy with my icicle gun...
- And you'll go bada bing.
- Be like,
bada bing.
- Yeah that's great.
That's a real good one.
- Thank you.
- I gotta be honest with you Todd.
I really don't understand the appeal of these gaming videos.
- What?
- I don't understand the appeal of these gaming videos.
- What are you talking about?
They're awesome.
- I mean, it just seems like you're watching
people play a game.
Do you have your friends come over, Todd,
and play games, that's what you do, play games
and they just watch?
- No, I don't have friends in real life,
but I have friends on the Internet.
- You're on your way to becoming a super hero, then.
- Pretty much, pretty much.
Hm hm, hm, hm, hm.
- Stop doing that.
- Hm?
- That thing with your head, stop doing that.
- This thing? Hm, Hm, Hm.
- That's terrifying. - Hm, hm.
- Stop it, no.
Todd, stop doing that weird thing with your head.
Todd, oh it's so horrifying, it's making
the scarecrow's fear toxin kick back in.
- My head thing is hurting your head?
- Yeah, stop doing that.
- (screams)
- What?
- Oh no, oh.
- It's just a little fun song I like to sing.
Hm, hm, hm, hm, hm. - (groans)
Oh god, help me, Alfred.
- Whoa.
- Alfred, Alfred.
- You okay?
- I see his head bobbing back and forth.
Oh, oh, oh.
- Well are you gonna barf?
(both yelling)
- I can breathe now.
- Oh my gosh.
- Todd, you have to help me.
- Okay.
- In my belt, get the anecdote out of my belt,
(mumbles) to the right.
- Okay, there you go.
- Now put it in my mouth.
- And...
That good?
- Yeah I think it's getting better, thank you.
- All right.
- Wait a minute.
That was more fear toxin.
(both screaming)
Oh god, oh god I could die giving a speech
again in front of people.
Oh no (yells).
- I was just joking with you, I was just joking
with you, I'll stop doing the head thing.
- I'm losing my mind.
- Oh wow, this took a turn.
This took a turn.
(glass breaking)
(Batman screaming)
Batman?
- [Batman] Call Alfred.
- I will, what's his number?
- [Batman] It's under Wayne, I mean Batman!
- Oh, I knew it, I knew it.
Oh okay.
Hello?
Alfred?
Can you come get Batman?
He's, he's barfing on the sidewalk outside my house.
You're speaking to Cool Guy.
Bada bing.
- Okay, here we go.
- Ya know, hey Todd I gotta say, this is a lot of fun,
but you know what's really fun?
Is not being denied insurance just 'cause
you have a pre-existing condition.
Maybe now's a good time to talk about the
Affordable Care Act.
- No I was told you actually were gonna come on here
and not plug anything.
- We were just gonna have some fun.