>> James: GOOD EVENING LADIES
AND GENTLEMEN, WELCOME TO THE SHOW.
WARM WELCOME BACK TO MY GARAGE.
THAT'S RIGHT, WE'RE BACK IN LOCKDOWN FOR A FEW DAYS.
WE'RE GOING TO BE DOING THE SHOW FROM MY HOUSE UNTIL IT'S SAFE TO
UNARE.
WE WERE HERE FIRST, THE FIRST TIME WE WERE HERE WAS IN THE
SPRING.
SO ONCE AGAIN I'M SAYING HELLO TO MY GARAGE AND GOOD-BYE TO MY
PANTS.
LAST TIME WE DID THE SHOW IN THE GARAGE PEOPLE WERE ALL, I KNOW,
LIKE REMEMBER WHEN EVERYONE WAS MAKING SOURDOUGH BREAD, DO YOU
REMEMBER THAT, BACK WHEN PEOPLE HAD ENERGY.
BUT WE HAVE A GOOD SHOW FOR YOU TONIGHT.
WE WILL BE JOINED BY THE DELIGHTFUL ROSARIO DAWSON, LATER
A PERFORMANCE -- PERFORMANCE BY ING RID ANDRESS.
BUT HAPPY NEW YEAR, REGGIE IS HERE, THE BAND IS HERE, IAN IS
HERE.
HOW ARE WE DOING?
IS EVERYONE OKAY?
ARE YOU ON A TREADMILL?
>> THAT'S RIGHT, I'M ON A TREADMILL, YEAH.
>> James: HANG ON, IS THIS PART OF SOME NEW FITNESS REGIME?
>> HONESTLY I LOST THE-- AT THIS POINT SO I AM HOPING YOU CAN
TELL ME WHAT I AM DOING HERE.
MOSTLY JUST A WALK.
>> James: YOU ARE SAYING YOU HAVE LOST THIS ONE, DOES THAT
MEAN YOU HAD-- WHEN WE WERE HERE IN MARCH, I DO'T THINK ANYONE
WOULD AGREE WITH THAT AT ALL.
I CAN'T TELL YOU HOW LOVELY IT IS TO SEE YOU ALL.
REG, HOW WAS YOUR BREAK, WAS IT OKAY.
>> YEAH, YEAH, I WENT SOLO TO MONTANA AND HUNG OUT WITH MY
MOM.
>> James: YOU TOOK A TRIP, IAN, YOU WENT BACK TO PORTLAND.
>> I DROVE UP I-5, ALL THE WAY TO PORTLAND WHERE I HUNG OUT
WITH MY MOM.
AND THEN DROVE ALL THE WAY BACK DO DOWN I-5 TO LOS ANGELES.
LONG DRIVE.
>> James: LOOK AT THIS, LOOK AT US.
WHAT ABOUT ANY NEW AREA'S RESOLUTION AMONGST THE BAND,
GUILLERMO, ANY NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTION THIS YEAR?
>> STAY SANE.
>> James: SORRY, I JUST REALIZED, I DON'T THINK THIS CUP
HAS BEEN CLEANED SINCE THE LAST TIME WE WERE IN HERE.
>> OH MY GOD, DID YOU DRINK OUT OF IT.
>> James: I JUST TOOK A SIP, EVERYTHING IS JUST BEEN HERE IN
THE CORN ARE AND I JUST CAME N I PUT SOME WATER IN THIS CUP AND
IT IS -- I'M LOOKING AT IT NOW, IT IS FULL OF DUST.
WELL, WHAT BETTER WAY TO KICK OFF 2021.
WE'RE ALL HERE, SHOULD WE LOOK AT SOME HEADLINES.
DO YOU WANT TO LOOK AT SOME HEADLINES.
SOME BIG NEWS TO TALK ABOUT.
YESTERDAY AN AUDIO TAPE WAS RELEASED OF A CONVERSATION
BETWEEN PRESIDENT TRUMP AND GEORGIA'S SECRETARY OF STATE
BRAD RAFFENSPERGER WHERE TRUMP FLAT-OUT ASKED FOR THE VOTE TO
BE RECALCULATED IN HIS FAVOR.
>> THE PEOPLE OF GEORGIA ARE ANGRY.
THE PEOPLE OF THE COUNTRY ARE ANGRY.
AND THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH SAYING THAT, YOU KNOW, THAT YOU
HAVE RECALCULATED.
>> WELL MR. PRESIDENT, THE CHALLENGE THAT YOU HAVE IS THE
DATA YOU HAVE IS WRONG.
>> James: THAT'S GOING TO BE MY NEW COMEBACK, ANY TIME
ANYBODY EVER DISAGREES WITH ME.
I'M GOING TO SAY WELL, THE CHALLENGE THAT YOU HAVE IS THE
DATA THAT YOU HAVE IS WRONG.
I MEAN TRUMP IS NOT EVEN GOOD AT BEING A BAD GUY.
AT LEAST A MOBSTER, YOU KNOW, ASSUMES THAT HE IS BEING
RECORDED AT ALL TIMES.
HE SPEAKS IN VAGUE TERMS LIKE BEAUTIFUL STATE YOU'VE GOT DOWN
THERE, IT WOULD BE A SHAME IF SOMETHING HAPPENED TO IT.
RIGHT?
IAN, ISN'T THERE A MORE DISCREET WAY TO HAVE THIS CONVERSATION?
>> I THINK THERE ARE ONLY MORE DISCREET WAYS TO HAVE THIS
CONVERSATION.
I THINK THAT IS THE LEAST DISCREET WAY.
HE CAME INTO EVERYTHING BEING RECORDED BY ACCESS HOLLYWOOD AND
NOW IS HE GOING OUT BEING RECORDED BY THE SECRETARY OF
STATE OF GEORGIA.
SO I THINK IT IS A LATERAL MOVE FOR HIM.
>> James: HERE IS MY THING.
I DON'T THINK, AND WE TALKED ABOUT THIS THIS MORNING.
I DON'T THINK THIS IS THE ONLY ONE OF THESE PHONE CALLS THAT IS
HAPPENING.
OTHERWISE WHY WOULD YOU TAICH IT.
>> NO, THIS IS FOR SURE LIKE THE FIFTH ONE.
WHERE THEY ARE LIKE LET'S TAPE IT, RELEASE IT AND MAYBE HE WILL
STOP.
BUT HE IS NOT GOING TO STOP.
I GUARANTEE YOU THERE IS A PHONE CALL HAPPENING NOW WHERE AT
FIRST HE IS ANGRY AND GOES BACK TO THE AIM OLD SCHTICK ALL OVER
AGAIN.
>> James: I LISTENED TO THE WHOLE TAPE, IT IS LIKE AN HOUR
LONG.
AND THE WHOLE WAY THROUGH IT I WAS JUST THINKING IWOULD LOVE
TO HEAR TRUMP TRY AND PRONOUNCE RAFFENSPERGER.
HE CAN'T EVEN SAY THE WORD ANONYMOUS.
RAFFENSPERGER WOULD BE FANTASTIC.
LATER IN THE CALL TRUMP SPECIFICALLY TALKS TO THE
SECRETARY OF STATE ABOUT THE NUMBER OF VOTES HE WANTS TO FIND
IN ORDER TO FLIP THE STATE IN HIS FAVOR.
>> SO LOOK, ALL I WANT TO DO IS THIS.
I JUST WANT TO FIND 11,780 VOTES, WHICH IS ONE MORE THAN WE
HAVE.
BECAUSE WE WON THE STATE AND FLIPPING THE STATE IS A GREAT
TESTAMENT TO OUR COUNTRY.
BECAUSE YOU KNOW, THERE IS JUST, IT'S A TESTAMENT THAT THEY CAN
ADMIT TO A MISTAKE.
OR WHATEVER YOU WANT TO CALL IT.
>> James: SOMEONE SHOULD JUST TELL TRUMP HE CAN'T JUST MAKE
NUMBERS UP OUT OF NOWHERE.
LIKE THIS ISN'T HIS NET WORTH.
BUT IT WOULD HAVE BEEN GREAT IF RAFFENSPERGER WAS LIKE AH,
MR. PRESIDENT, WE FOUND THE VOTES, WE'VE GOT THEM 11,780.
GOT THEM.
THEY ARE ALL FOR BIDEN THOUGH.
OH, SO SEE YOU DIDN'T SPECIFY.
TRUMP SAID FLIPPING GEORGIA IN HIS FAVOR WOULD BE A TESTAMENT
TO THE COUNTRY.
AND IF THERE IS ANYONE WHO KNOWS A TESTAMENT IS THE GUY WHO HOLDS
THE BIBLE LIKE THIS.
AND ANOTHER POINT RAFFENSPERGER TOLD TRUMP THAT THE ELECTION
RESULTS ARE ACCURATE AND TRUMP RESPONDED LIKE THIS.
>> YOU SHOULD WANT TO HAVE AN ACCURATE ELECTION.
AND YOU ARE A REPUBLICAN.
>> WE BELIEVE THAT WE DO HAVE AN ACCURATE ELECTION.
>> NO, NO YOU DON'T.
NO, NO YOU DON'T.
YOU DON'T HAVE, YOU DON'T HAVE.
NOT EVEN CLOSE.
ARE YOU OFF BY HUNDREDS OF THOUSANDS OF VOTES.
>> James: AH, YES, THE FLAWLESS LEGAL ARGUMENT OF
NUH-UH.
YOU WISH.
IF ONLY TRUMP COULD APPROACH THE REST OF HIS JOB WITH THIS KIND
OF TEN ASITY, IF HE DID, MAYBE I WOULDN'T BE HOSTING A TV SHOW
FROM MY GARAGE RIGHT NOW.
I MEAN YOU CAN IMAGINE TRYING TO BREAK UP WITH TRUMP?
IT WOULD BE LIKE IT'S OVER, WELL, THAT IS A SHAME BECAUSE I
DON'T ACCEPT IT.
WE'RE NOT BREAKING UP.
WE'RE STILL TOGETHER.
WHAT ARE WE DOING THIS WEEKEND.
AND THEN OF COURSE TRUMP DITCHED ALL OF THE DEBATING AND JUST
FLAT OUT ASKED FOR A FAVOR.
>> SO WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO HERE.
I ONLY NEED 11,000 VOTES, FELLAS, I NEED 11,000 VOTES,
GIVE ME A BREAK.
>> James: IT SOUNDS LIKE HE'S TRYING TO GET SOMEONE TO HOOK
HIM UP WITH A FREE REFILL OF SALT AND PEPPER NOT A
PRESIDENTIAL ELECTION.
TRUMP EVEN, YOU KNOW HE IS SERIOUS BECAUSE HE EVEN FULL
PULLED OUT "FELLAS REQUESTS YOU KNOW WHEN YOU SAY FELLAS WE'RE
ALL BUDDIES FELLAS, FELLAS, PLEASE.
HE'S THREE SECONDS AWAY FROM SAYING BROOO.
COME ON, BROOOO, BROOOO.
I MEAN IAN, REG, IT IS 2 A.M. ON A SATURDAY NIGHT, DOES ANYTHING
GOOD EVER HAPPEN AFTER YOU START A SENTENCE WITH "FELLAS."
>> NO.
>> FELLAS IS THE WAY I'M GREETED AT EVERY RESTAURANT THAT I HAVE
EVER BEEN TO.
SO ANY 24 HOUR DINER.
IT'S LIKE FELLAS, LET'S GET SOME JALAPENO POPPERS STARTED FOR
YOU, SO THERE ARE CERTAIN SIRKS WHERE ST A GOOD THING.
>> James: FELLAS.
WITH YOU I THINK IT IS SAFE TO SAY WE ARE BOTH TRYING TO DO
SOMETHING ABOUT IT, WE'RE LARGER GENTLEMEN.
DO YOU EVER FIND IT ODD THE FREEDOM AND SORT OF RELAXED WAY
THAT PEOPLE WILL JUST CALL YOU BIG GUY.
>> ALL THE TIME, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH.
>> YOU WOULD NEVER DO T YOU WOULDN'T CALL A SHORT DUDE LIKE
WHAT IS UP LITTLE MAN, WOULD YOU NEVER DO THAT.
>> HEY, LITTLE FELLA.
> HAVE EVER GOTTEN THIS, THIS MIGHT BE AN AMERICAN THING, I
HAVE A FRIEND FROM TEXAS WHO CALLS ME BUBBA.
WHICH IS COMPLETELY UNACCEPTABLE.
>> James: BUBBA.
>> BUBBA.
>> I HAD TO ASK HIM TO STOP AND HE STPED FOR SIX MONTHS AND WENT
RATE BACK TO CALLING ME BUBBA ALL THE TIME.
>> I'M SORRY, WE TALKED ABOUT IT IN MY DEFENSE.
SORRY, I REALLY AM.
>> James: LOOK, ALL OF THESE TRUMP TAPES OF COURSE ARE
INCREDIBLE.
BUT NOT-- I MEAN I COULDN'T BELIEVE IT WHEN I SAW ON TWITTER
PEOPLE WERE LIKE I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS.
LIKE YES, YOU CAN, YOU ABSOLUTELY CAN BELIEVE IT.
IT'S TOTAL TRUMP.
LIKE WHO OUT THERE WAS LIKE OH THAT'S IT NOW, THAT IS THE FINAL
STRAW FOR ME.
I'VE REALLY CHANGED MY MIND ON TRUMP NOW HAVE I HEARD HIM SAY
THAT.
WELL, THIS IS EXCITING BECAUSE WE'VE GOT AN EXCLUSIVE.
OUR SHOW MANAGED TO GET HOLD OF EVEN MORE AUDIO OF PRESIDENT
TRUMP'S PHONE CALL WITH GEORGIA SECRETARY OF STATE.
THIS HAS NEVER BEEN HEARD ANYWHERE ELSE.
I HAVE TO WARN YOU, IT'S PRETTY SHOCKING THERE IS STH ONE.
>> THEY SAY TEXT THE WORD VOTE, BUT THE NUMBER ARE YOU SUPPOSED
TO TEXT IS ONLY FIVE DIGITS.
IT IS IT THE ALL NONSENSE.
>> SIR, THAT IS NOT HOW VOTING WORKS.
>> I MEAN LOOK AT ZENDAYA.
>> WHO?
>> FROM AMERICAN IDOL WHICH BY THE WAY WAS NEVER GOOD AFTER THE
ADAM LAMBERT SEASON.
NOW THAT GUY COULD REALLY, REALLY ROCK.
>> James: AND THEN THERE WAS THIS ONE TOO.
>> HAVE YOU CHECKED EF LEE-- EVERYWHERE FOR THE VOTES.
>> YES, WE DID.
>> WELL, DID YOU CHECK UNDER THERE.
>> UNDER WHERE?
>> I JUST MADE YOU SAY UNDERWEAR.
HA HA, COME ON, THAT ONE SHOULD GET ME SOME BONUS VOTES.
>> James: NOW IN OTHER POLITICAL NEWS A NEW CONGRESS
WAS SWORN IN YESTERDAY, IT WAS AN ORDAINED MINISTER GIVING THE
OPENING PRAYER AND CONCLUDED THE PRAYER IN A RATHER UNUSUAL WAY,
HAVE A LOOK.
>> WE ASK IN THE NAME OF THE-- YOUR HONOR AND GOD KNOWN
BY MANY NAME BY MANY DIFFERENT FAITHS.
AMEN AND AWOMAN.
>> James: I CAN'T.
I CAN'T WITH THAT.
I ACTUALLY CAN'T.
I THINK THAT'S IT.
I THINK THAT WAS THE FINAL STRAW.
I THINK THAT PLUS THE BACK IN THE GARAGE HAS DUN ME, I THINK
ST DONE, I THINK ST ALL OVER, GUYS, HERE IS THE THING.
AMEN, AMEN MENS SO BE IT.
AND HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH GENDER.
BUT WE CAN'T EXPECT AN ORDAINED MINISTER TO KNOW THAT.
I MEAN IAN, WHAT WAS HE TRYING TO DO THERE, WAS HE JUST TRYING
TO BE WOKE?
>> I THINK HE JUST DO THE MATH IN YOUR HEAD WHERE YOU ARE LIKE
EITHER I CAN SAVE THIS AND GET MADE FUN OF ON THE LATE NIGHT
SHOW.
OR CAN I NOT SAY IT AND THEN HAVE LIKE 8,000 PEOPLE ANGRY AT
ME ON TWITTER.
I WILL JUST TAKE THE JOKES.
AT LEAST THAT WILL JUST BE ONE DAY.
>> James: BUT WHY WOULD PEOPLE-- I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW THIS
WAS A THING THAT PEOPLE WERE ANGRY ABOUT.
>> I I'VE FROM PERFORMLAND OREGON AND I NEVER HEARD ABOUT
IT BEFORE AND THAT MEANS NO ONE IS ANGRY ABOUT IT, I DON'T THINK
IT IS A REAL THING.
>> James: THE PRAYER WAS GIVEN BY MISSOURI REPRESENTATIVE
EMMANUEL CLEVER OR I SHOULD SAY E-WOMANUEL CLEVER.
AND YESTERDAY NANCY PELOSI-- I FELT LIKE I NEEDED A REAL-- I
THOUGHT THAT IS IT.
TOO FAR.
WHAT DO YOU THINK GUILLERMO.
>> I LOVE IT, I'M SAYING AWOMAN FROM NOW ON, I WILL TELL MY DAD
ABOUT IT.
>> FOREVER, FORE AWOMEN AND YESTERDAY NANCY PELOSI NARROWLY
RETAINED HER POSITION AS SPEAK OF THE HOUSE, ACCORDING TO
REPORT SHE ENCOURAGED SEVERAL RECOMMEND DEMOCRATS WHO TESTED
POSITIVE FOR CORONAVIRUS TO BREAK THEIR QUARANTINE TO COME
OUT AND VOTE FOR HER, SHE WAS PRETTY DESPERATE THAT SHE WAS
REACHING OUT TO BOTH AMEN AND AWOMEN.
NOW SOME PEOPLE MIGHT SEE PELOSI'S ACTIONS AS HYPOCRITICAL
BUT DEMOCRAT HAVING A BLAT ENT IS REGARD FOR HEALTH AND SAFETY
OF OTHERS JUST MEANS ALL OF US HAVE A LOT MORE IN COMMON THAN
WE THOUGHT, YOU KNOW.
GUY LIKE, REG, WHAT ELSE DO REPUBLICANS AND DEMOCRATS HAVE
IN COMMON?
>> WELL, THEY BOTH HAVE SCEL TAL SYSTEMS.
>> James: THERE YOU GO.
SEE?
IAN?
ANY OTHER SIMILARITIES.
>> I MEAN IF YOU ASK ME, THEY BOTH BELONG IN THE GAL DDZ DARN
LOONY BIN.
>> James: THIS IS GOING TO BE A REALLY LONG WEEK, GUYS.
>> IT'S GOING TO FEEL REALLY LONG.
IT FEELS REALLY WEIRD.
WE HAVE ONLY BEEN DOING THIS FOR-- .
>> HOW LONG IS THE SHOW.
>> James: THIS IS TOUGH.
THIS IS REALLY-- .
>> I HAVEN'T FELT THIS GRIM DOING COMEDY SINCE LIKE I ONLY
DID IMPROV AND EVEN THEN ONLY THE FIRST YEAR OF IMPROV.
IT FEELS REAL ROUGH.
>> James: WOW, WELL AT LEAST TIM IS TAKING US OUT ON A JOG,
SO THAT WILL GET US THROUGH.
>> I DON'T KNOW WHERE, GOING SOMEWHERE, GUYS.
>> James: PELOSI ASKED PEOPLE TO BREAK QUARANTINE TO VOTE FOR
HER BUT IT IS OKAY BECAUSE I HER THE VIRUS ISN'T AS CON
TABLINGOUS WHEN IT IS FOR SOMETHING-- FOR SOMETHING YOU
REALLY, REALLY WANT TO HAPPEN.
AND WE WANT TO TELL YOU ABOUT THIS, ACCORDING TO A POLICE
REPORT A MAN IN BRITAIN WAS RECENTLY CAUGHT TRYING TO
SNUGGLE A COOKIE INTO JAIL BY SANDWICHING THE COOKIE BETWEEN
HIS BUTT CHEEKS.
THE MAN APPARENTLY ACTED OUT OF FEAR THAT HE WOULDN'T BE ABLE TO
GET ANY DECENT FOOD IN JAIL.
HE IS LIKE I LOOKED AT THE PRISON DESSERT MENU.
THEY DON'T EVEN OFFER BUTT-FLAVORED COOKIES.
HERE IS A QUESTION YOU NEED TO ASK YOURSELF, OKAY.
IS THAT STILL DE SENT FOOD?
ONCE SOMETHING HAS BETWEEN THE CHEEKS OF YOUR ASS IS IT STILL
BETTER THAN THE FOOD THEY SERVE IN PRISON.
YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?
HOW BAD CAN IT BE?
REALLY.
I GUESS THEY SHOULDN'T BE SURPRISED, DID YOU SEE WHO MADE
THE COOKIE, NABUTTSCO.
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.