[gentle ukelele music]
[S]: Ooooooooh.
[S]: Starting off...
[S]: the day...
[S]: with a good snuggle session. [M]: Well, SOMEBODY
[M]: slept on my head
[M]: the whole night.
[S]: Ooooh. [M]: So now,
[M]: I'm gonna wake him up
[M]: and sleep on HIS head.
[S]: Is that right, Meemer? [M]: Oh, you're so-- so soft and nice.
[S]: Hey Ducky, you know what else is gonna be really nice?
[M]: What?
[S]: Hundred-dollar mango, hundred-dollar mango~ ♫
[S]: Hundred-dollar, hundred-dollar, hundred-dollar mango~ ♫ [M]: [whining and sobbing] Oh-ho nooooo, I'm not readyyyyyyy!
[S]: Hundred-dollar mango, hundred-dollar mango~ ♫
[S]: Hundred-hundred-hundred-hundred-hundred-dollar mango~ ♫
[S]: Hundred-dollar mango, hundred-dollar mango~ ♫
[S]: Hundred, hundred, hundred, hundred, hundred! ♫
[S]: [kiss kiss kiss kiss] MANGO [kiss kiss kiss kiss] MANGO ♫
[S]: Hundred hun-- hun-- [Simon's singing transitions to Baby When You Move Your Bod-ay ♫] [Meemers says something, unclear]
[S]: MANGO ♫
[S]: Oh yeah, boi!
[S]: Look at me ridin' my bike!
[S]: With my hundred-dollar mango!
[S]: I got a man-go ♪ Hundred-dollar man-go ♪
[S]: Saw a fifty dollar mango, though, "Is that good enough?" NAH. ♪
[S]: Hundred-dollar man-gooo ♪
[S]: This video cost one hundred and six dollars to make.
[S]: THIS mango was six dollars,
[S]: and this one was a hundred.
[M]: I don't even remember how we used to shoot these videos-- [S]: How did we do these-- well,
[S]: we usually started the video with me going out to get the fruit... [M]: Yes, mm-hmm.
[S]: And then me SINGING about the fruit, [M]: Yes.
[S]: and then me singing about how Martina's not going to be interested in this, [M]: Yes.
[S]: but today, you're all on-board!
[M]: I am!
[ominous bass piano keysmash]
[S]: I haven't been this hyped-- like, this is the most exciting-- [M]: [whispering] Ha-bap-bap-bap!
[M]: [forced] Everything's fine!
[Martina goes into wheezing coughing fit]
[M]: Now, the reason I'm so excited about this is because before when we got expensive fruit,
[M]: I never really knew if it was in or out of season,
[M]: because those white strawberries we did, [S]: Yeah.
[M]: remember they came into season a little bit before the strawberries?
[S]: Right before their peak season is when we got them.
[M]: Yeah, and when we got them, a lot of people were saying that if they didn't taste great, we might not have gotten them at the right time.
[S]: Uh-huh. [M]: So all the other-- the fruits that we've gotten so far, I've been really hesitant.
[M]: "Is this the right time of year?" [S]: Right! [M]: "How do I know?"
[S]: But this, for sure, 100%
[S]: IS the perfect season,
[S]: for this mango.
[M]: And the way they fall off the stem guarantees that they are plucked at the exact time period.
[S]: Because they're not actually PLUCKED. [M]: They're not pulled by hands,
[S]: They let them fall into their own little nets that catch them before they hit the ground [Gregorian chanting music]
[S]: and get bruised, and every single net is individually placed on every mango-- [Gregorian chanting]
[Gregorian chanting]
[M]: How about you open this lid and show everybody so we can compare the two? Open the baby up, here. [S]: Okay, so--
[M]: Ahhhhhhh ♪ [S]: This mango comes in a box.
[M]: It's called the Red Egg.
[S]: Beautiful. I want you to see side by side how these look.
[S]: You can see the pores on here, you can see the battle scars, the crosses-- [sad flute]
[M]: This mango looks like a mango, and this mango looks like something Daenerys would have [sad flute]
[M]: that she-- that she would be like, "It's a-- it's a baby dragon egg!" [S]: This--
[M]: Did you guys see that I changed my hair?
[M]: I changed my hair. [S]: Let's see, alright...
[M]: My hair's silver now. [S]: So...
[Both]: Oh. [M]: Oh boy. Whomp whomp.
[S]: Whomp whomp.
[M]: So... what do we do?
[M]: That was five dollars, huh?
[S]: This was six! [M]: Six dollars. [S]: Six.
[S]: Look at that! [M]: Look at this.
[S]: I'm gonna cut off the bad part. Because we just need to taste this, right?
[S]: Okay, so you grab-- [M]: I've grown very attached to this mango now. [S]: I know!
[S]: It's such a beautiful mango that I don't even want to cut it up.
[S]: Here, let's try the bad one first. [M]: Put it back.
[S]: Really dark in the center, are we gonna get diarrhea? Who knows.
[M]: Sweet for sure, though.
[S]: It's a very sweet, juicy mango. [M]: It's pretty good, it's competing against a ripe mango. [S]: Wow.
[M]: Mmm.
[S]: What does yours smell like?
[S]: What do you think? On the count of three, we're gonna say it! [M]: Well--
[S]: One, two, three-- J*zz.
[Martina laughing loudly]
[M]: It smells like...
[M]: when you clean a countertop with bleach. [S]: Yup.
[M]: And it has a bit of a... [S]: There you go. OR it smells like that season in Toronto
[S]: where all the trees... [M]: We called them the C*m Trees.
[S]: The C*m Trees. [M]: We'd walk around and we'd go,
[M]: "Something smells real weird here."
[S]: And this smells VERY j*zzy.
[S]: This is a delicious mango. [M]: Okay, it's extremely sweet--
[M]: You've got some competition, miyazaki.
[M]: The miyazaki mango's supposed to be a MINIMUM of 350g in size,
[S]: Mm-hmm. [M]: it has to have 15% sugar content,
[S]: Damn, girl, how'd you memorize this?
[M]: I dunno, SMART!
[S]: Now let's try... the best mango possible.
[S]: Is this worth ninety-four more dollars...?
[M]: Ah-- the answer is no! The answer is no, by the way. [S]: And the other one-- the answer is no! The answer's no.
[S]: Girl, I'm so nervous. [M]: Well you better hurry this stuff up 'cause it's only a one-time shot.
[M]: Sh*t now it's pushing down on the countertop! [S]: It's pushing down on the table!
[S]: There you go... [M]: Ooooh!
[S]: Wow, look at that colour there!
[M]: Does not smell like j*zz!
[S]: This, just, you can see how it's glistening!
[M]: If this is a hundred-dollar mango and we can't really eat the inside part, [S]: Right...
[M]: that means each one of these pieces is basically, like, $45.
[M]: Good luck! [S]: And DON'T f*ck it up. [M]: Yeah.
[S]: Ohh my gosh, this just looks so much cleaner,
[S]: it doesn't look as porous and empty and cavernous...
[M]: Wow, this looks like-- almost like it's fake.
[S]: Doesn't this? Madam. [M]: Alright.
[M]: I don't know how to eat this without mashing my face in it.
[loud slurping]
[M]: It's somehow managing to be both super sweet and tart at the same time. [S]: Yeah.
[S]: Right! [M]: Like a sour candy.
[S]: Now, let's try the... six dollar one again and see what tastes different.
[loud slurping]
[S]: Oh, yeah. Night and day.
[M]: 'Kay, this tastes like mush, now. It tastes like super sugary mush. [S]: This just tastes like... mush.
[M]: Which is obviously, is because it seems to [have] received a horrible ass-kicking. [S]: Yeah.
[S]: This definitely-- [M]: Like... this is mango cruelty, that this occurred to this mango.
[M]: The lack of texture actually makes it just mush into a single flavour.
[S]: Yeah! Right. [M]: It just tastes like unflavoured sugar.
[S]: As soon as you bite into it, it just all falls apart. Like cotton candy, in a way. [M]: One f-- one tone.
[M]: Yeah! So, cotton candy has one tone. [S]: Yeah.
[M]: You eat it, and it's, like, one flavour.
[M]: But when you eat this mango, it has a crunch, which releases something sour, [S]: Mm-hmm.
[M]: but not sour like tart, like a good tart. [S]: Yeah.
[M]: And then it has the sweet, and then it has, like, an apple-y taste.
[S]: This is the best mango, without a doubt, that I've ever had in my life.
[M]: Yeah. You know when you have dried mango from the Philippines?
[S]: Oh, wow! [M]: And the dried mango tastes
[M]: way sweeter than normal mango 'cause it's been, like, tossed in sugar or something? [S]: Mm-hmm, right, right.
[M]: It tastes like this, without the sugar.
[M]: Hello, Meemers! [S]: Hello, Meemers!
[M]: I'm taking the "cheap mango"... [S]: Alright...
[M]: I theorize that hot pepper flakes lime on a mango that isn't quite ready [S]: Uh-huh.
[M]: either over- or under-ripe would taste better.
[S]: Right. [M]: Where we had it before on a really, really good mango
[M]: and it ruined the flavour, almost? [S]: Yeah, it did, it did!
[M]: Are you risking a cube? [S]: With the expensive one...
[S]: Gets in the way. [M]: Yeah! [S]: It's definitely a lot better on its own.
[S]: When you have a fruit that's AS perfect as this, you don't need to add anything to it.
[M]: Oh-oh-ohhhhhh. [whining]
[S]: Is he snuggling up? [M]: Yeah.
[M]: Meemers, I really wanna pet you, buddy.
[M]: But I'm so sticky. [S]: But you're so sticky.
[S]: And I know for some people you might say, "It's just mango, I've had mango."
[S]: But once you get to a level of, like, really high-level stuff,
[S]: there are differences in flavours, and I can see that with this
[S]: to a huge degree. [M]: Think we--
[M]: AHHHHH!
[M]: NAAAH!
[S]: You suck that table, girl! [M]: I didn't! I didn't drop it.
[S]: Where'd it g-- there's-- is that piece? [M]: Right there.
[M]: There we are, look, everything's fine.
[S]: Whooooooa.
[M]: [with mango in her mouth] Eight dollars.
[S]: Eight dollars!
[M]: It's what we're having for dinner tonight!
[M]: If you guys happen to be watching this via the premiere and you are livestreaming with us right now,
[M]: let us know in the comments section what is the next expensive fruit you'd like to see us do. [roaring sfx]
[S]: Now here's the next question:
[S]: how do you share the middle seed of a mango?
[S]: You peel the outside and then you just start sucking it all around, right? [M]: Let's see? Good question.
[S]: What's the right way to share-- [M]: S'cuse me. I'm eating it!
[S]: Wh'd'y-- you just walking away, girl?!
[S]: Wh-- you lickin' my mango! Our mango.
[M]: What're you gonna do about it?
[S]: I'm gonna, just, like, rub my sticky hands all over your shirt! [M]: What're you gonna d--
[M]: What're you gonna do about it?
[S]: Alright, people are gonna see some handmarks on your shirt.
[M]: No they won't! No they won't!
[S]: C'mere, girl, you gotta share with me! C'mon. [M]: Nope. You're too big, you'll never be able to chase me.
[S]: This is such a delicate, small house! [M]: Nope.
[S]: Ducky. [M]: Nope.
[S]: I think mango is a fruit that you can't share seductively.
[S]: Like, grapes you could share with each other seductively, or, like, chocolate dip, but
[S]: what can you do with...
[S]: ...mango? [M]: LET US KNOW IN THE COMMENTS SECTION BELOW. [S]: LET US KNOW!
[S]: How do you erotically eat your fruit? [M]: Well how do YOU erotically eat your hundred-dollar fruit?
[S]: [gasps] Here you go.
[S]: Mmm! [M]: There's lots to go. Mmmmm.
[S]: Alright, enough with the "mmm"s and back to the sharing, I had a little nibble!
[M]: Oh, sorry. [S]: You had two big beefy bites! [M]: Mmmm.
[M]: Mama didn't raise no fool. With Simon around...
[M]: Simon's like, "Do you wanna get a hundred-dollar mango?" I'm like, "Yup."
[S]: Yep! [M]: And I'm gonna eat it all.
[S]: Yeah, this was the best mango I've ever had in my entire life. [M]: Yeah it was the super [unclear]
[S]: I honestly don't know how to compare it to any other mango apart from, like, its shape and kind of its taste.
[S]: That's a stupid thing to say, of course it tastes like a mango, but this is
[S]: the essence of mango. [M]: AHHHH!
[M]: Everything's fine!
[S]: I think that means that we should do more. I heard [M]: Hnmmmmmmm...
[S]: that they have thousand-dollar rice.
[Moonlight Sonata plays]
[M]: Are you jok--? NO.
[M]: The answer is no, we're not doing thousand-dollar rice.
[S]: I HEARD that there's thousand-dollar rice. [M]: Look--
[S]: We need thousand-dollar rice. [M]: That's not happening.
[S]: I think someone in the comment section is gonna be like, [M]: NO.
[S]: "F*CK THAT! No way!" [M]: No, exactly! Martina's on board with you.
[S]: I don't care. [M]: No, it's not happening.
[M]: We're not doing thousand-dollar rice. [S]: Thousand-dollar rice.
[S]: Leave in the comments section "yes" if we should and "yes" if we shouldn't--
[S]: I'm waiting to see your answer. [M]: I'll accept it as backwards writing where everything-- yes means no.
[S]: Thanks for watching us get sticky with each other, everybody.
[M]: Gettin' sticky with it
[to the tune of Gettin' Jiggy Wit It] NA NA NANA NA NANA ♫
[Both]: NA NA NANA NA NA get sticky with it! ♫
[S]: I should have known. [somber piano music]
[S]: All the signs were there. She's just...
[S]: A bit too eager, wasn't she?
[S]: Damn.
[S]: Today, you're all on board!
[M]: I am!
[M]: [slowly, with echo] I am!
[M]: Simon's like, "Do you wanna get a hundred-dollar mango?" I'm like, "Yep." And I'm gonna eat it all.
[M]: [slowly, with echo] I'm gonna eat it all.
[horror movie crescendo]
[M]: Mama didn't raise no fool. With Simon around... [S]: Mmm. Mmmm.
[M]: [low-pitched voice] I'm beating him at his own game, this time around.
[M]: [voiceover] Mhm. Yup, now's my chance. Just--
[M]: [voiceover] Carefully...
[M]: [voiceover] Uh-huh.
[somber piano music, horror movie crescendo]
[M]: I'm eating it!
[S]: What're you-- you just walking away, girl?!
[horror movie crescendo]
[M]: Were you looking more for a video where I was extremely upset about Simon's super-expensive fruit decision?
[M]: Well, I've got the one for you.
[M]: $150 grapes and a bonus, tiny, expensive peanut butter and jelly sandwich.
[M]: Make sure you check it out.