Mark: Hey, it's Mark here from Make Him Yours and I've traveled all the way to Southern
California to spend time with one of my favorite coaches, Helena Hart, thanks for being here
or thank you for having me here, I should say!
Helena: I was going to say thank you for coming all the way out here.
Mark: She is one of the best feminine energy and empowerment coaches I know, and I've got
her in today to talk about the one thing, the sabotaging thing women do that stops a
man being able to come close to them. Helena, what is it?
Helena: Great question. Yes, this is something we've all struggled with, myself included,
so we're just going to jump right in today. The number one thing that sabotages a man's
ability to get close to you is something we're calling Emotional Distancing. And what that
means is basically not being authentic. So when what you're feeling on the inside is
not matching what you're conveying on the outside with your words and body language,
a man can feel unsafe to come close to you. He can like feel the disconnect and the incongruence
in your energy and your vibe and it makes him feel like he can't really trust you on
a deep level if he senses that you're not feeling safe with yourself or that you don't
trust yourself or him to express some of those things going on within you.
Mark: Yeah, because there's this wall there, right? And if I'm a man, how can I get through?
How can I trust myself to relax and bond to her when I sense this wall? The instinct is
to put up a wall myself, right? And while emotionally unavailable guys might be okay
with this, if you're wanting to form that closeness, you wanting to form that deep connection,
it's about taking down the walls, and he's gonna feel safe to cross that when he feels
that authenticity coming from you. Helena, is, if a woman out there watching this, if
you're watching this and you're struggling to express a raw emotion because you are worried
about being seen in a certain way, what's some good ways to start practicing this and
just bringing down the walls and being really real?
Helena: Yeah, I love what you said though, by the way. It's so good because, yeah, if
you're not doing this in the right way, a man, there might be attraction. He might pursue
you or come on strong for a little while. But if he gets the sense that he can't really
get to you, like if he can't see who you really are, that's when he kind of gives up and starts
to back off, right? Like he's just like, "Ugh, I can't even get to her. There's, there's
nothing to..."
Mark: I feel there's something there than just like, okay, this isn't quite safe.
Helena: Right, right. So this can actually bring a guy closer when done correctly. And
the template is really simple. It's just first getting in touch with what you're feeling
and then expressing it, very simply keeping it all about yourself and your own experience.
So an example would be, I" feel_____. " you know, "I'm feeling a little anxious right now." Or,
you know, "I felt insecure at work the other day when I had to give this presentation."
And one tip I have that I give to all my clients when they're first starting out with this,
cause this can be really difficult. Like I still have a hard time with this sometimes
is start by talking about small everyday things that happen to you and baby steps. A lot of
women take this to mean like talking about the relationship immediately and getting in
there and having these deep conversations...
Mark: Yeah, all these things full on.
Helena: Yeah, but that's not where you should
start. At least not at first. I would say something that has nothing to do with him. You know
how you feel about your plans for the weekend or about the weather or something.
Mark: Your boss, or the tennis, or, and you're not complaining. You're expressing,
you're expressing your mind. This is what I'm feeling, and this is what I'm feeling now
and this what I'm feeling now.
Helena: Yeah. It's also really helpful to, if you can not refer to his behavior at all.
So an example would be like, "I felt insecure or
jealous when you looked at that other woman,"
right? That's making him wrong, holding him responsible for your feelings, and a man is
just going to get defensive if he hears something like that, even if you don't mean it that
way, men can take everything to mean like they made you feel bad or disappointed, right?
Mark: Absolutely, absolutely! And it's not about, don't think of it as well, "This means
I can't say anything," There's ways to have those chats, and that's a topic for a
different video and obviously, you have to have your standards met, and that's extremely
important. What this is about is that self-expression so that the man can see you and feel you and
then know it's safe to come to you without that wall blocking the way.
Helena: Yeah. And I just want to add one more thing before we close out. The point of doing
this is not to make a man do what you want, right? The point of expressing yourself
and being authentic is just to see what he does with that information, right? Does he
seem to care about your feelings, right? Does he take them into account when he's planning
and making decisions? Or does he dismiss your feelings, and he just keeps doing whatever
he was doing? So the point of this is not to like change his behavior, right? The point
is just "I'm going to express myself because I want a deep intimate relationship. I don't
want a superficial relationship."
Mark: This is a growth experience for you. How much more can I express myself? And then
once you're doing that, the most open and expressive men will come in and hold you in
that space. This is such important content if you want to really have a man feel safe
bonding to you. Me and Helena created something else as well, we've got a free gift. It's
the Seven Secrets To Having A man Totally Addicted To You, so make sure you grab that
as well. It's up there and in the description space below. Helena is one of the best coaches
when it comes to feminine energy and radiance in the entire world and think in fact, that
I know of at all. And you want to hear what she has to say on this and make sure you download
that free gift too. Leave your comments, thoughts, questions in space below. I'd love to know
what are you, what'd you think of Helena today? What questions do you have for her? I'm sure
it's amazing things, but write it in the comments space below. We want to hear it. Hit the thumbs
up button with the big red subscribe button and the little bell, so you get the notifications.
Helena, thank you for having me!
Helena: You're welcome!
Mark: All the way to California, this place is beautiful.
Guys, we will see you in the next video very soon!