[Music]
[McGillicuddy is peeling potatoes in the galley when he realizes he needs to use the head
and waves his hand frantically.]
[McGillicuddy:] Hey, Sarge!
[Sarge:] Ok, McGillicuddy.
[Narrator:] When you gotta go, you gotta, hey look out, Mac!
[McGillicuddy runs out the door and into a tree with a sign.]
[Sign reads: 7th Commandment: Thou shalt not use any spots except chosen ones
for the deposition of your excrement.]
[Thou shalt not urinate in thy brother's tent or street
else he regard thee as a dog and treat thee accordingly.]
[Narrator:] In other words, that means: use your head!
Avoid contaminating any area which could result in dysentery for your entire unit!
[McGillicuddy:] Uh, I gotta to the toilet.
[McGillicuddy follows a sign pointing to the Head.]
[Another sign says Keep A Lookout]
[For A Jap]
[When You Go-]
[To Take A Cra-]
[Burna Shave]
[McGillicuddy reaches another sign that points to the head, but turns away and crawls into the jungle.]
[Narrator:] Hey, stupid! Can't you read?
[Mac reaches a chair with a hole in it with an umbrella over it.]
[Stacks of paper are piled next to the chair.]
[Narrator:] Well, look at that. McGillicuddy's private one-holer. What a lay-up.
Sunshade, library, toilet tissue, beautiful view, even gardenias,
and a hell of a good home for dysentery germs!
[McGillicuddy sits on the chair reading a comic strip and chuckling.]
[McGillicuddy:] Haha, what a dope.
[Narrator:] Yeah. What a dope.
[A fly is perched nearby.]
[McGillicuddy finishes and leaves the chair while the fly rings a triangle.]
[Fly:] Come and get it!
[A swarm of flies heads towards the area.]
[McGillicuddy returns to the galley where smoke is coming out of the chimney.]
[The fly smells the smoke and rings the triangle again.]
[Fly:] Oh, dessert!
[Swarm of flies goes toward and into the galley's chimney.]
[Flies are swarming over the food, sliding down potatoes, walking on pies, eating cheese, and swimming in the soup.]
[Soldiers are eating the contaminated food in the mess hall.]
[Suddenly the mess tent lurches forward, propelled towards the head by all the soldiers inside.]
[Narrator:] And now, because of one man's carelessness, a whole unit is flat on its back!
[Soldiers are in beds labeled 'Diarrhoea']
[Voice from bedside radio:] Ohhh, Tokyo calling, ohhh Tokyo calling!
[Japanese announcer:] We ha' good news! We discover we have in the South Pacific, Yankee Marine,
who help our Japanese war effort.
This'a Yankee, all the time make honorable bowel movement in wrong location!
All his buddy Yankee get dysentery!
Woo, make weak like pussycat! This honorable Yankee a'name McGillicuddy!
[Soldiers:] McGillicuddy!?
[Soldiers are angry.]
[Narrator:] Yeah, McGillicuddy. Go get'em boys!
[A soldier on an excavator for the Decontamination Squad spots
McGillicuddy on his private head reading comics.]
[McGillicuddy:] Hahaha, what a dope.
[Excavator scoops McGillicuddy and his head off the ground.]
[Excavator dumps McGillicuddy in the head that he was supposed to use.]
[Narrator:] McGillicuddy, you made your bed - now lie in it!