- I feel like you would fuck around with paganism
is what I'm thinking.
- Not paganism.
(both laugh)
Not paganism.
♪ In the Hall of the Mountain King ♪
- My name is Carly and I am a hospital chaplain,
which means I respond to the spiritual and emotional needs
of anyone in this particular hospital,
a level one trauma center.
- I would say that I am religious.
I'm an ordained Presbyterian minister.
- Yeah.
- Okay.
- Hi.
- What are your vices?
- Whiskey and video games, probably and TV.
- Do you play adult video games?
- By adult video games do you mean like Call of Duty
or something?
- I mean like Grand Theft Auto but I don't know
if people play that anymore.
- Yeah, something that would be rated Mature, yeah.
- Okay.
- Would you say that you're a simple person?
- Simple, like stupid?
Yeah.
- Oh, absolutely not.
(both laugh)
- Simple, like easy?
- I guess maybe, I mean, you're not simple
but you're logical.
- Oh, yeah, I like to think I'm logical, yeah.
- I would say not religious, potentially atheist.
- Yeah, that's right.
- It was the video games.
- The video games?
(both laugh)
Yeah.
- When did you know that you were an atheist?
- About when I was eight years old.
When I prayed for Amanda Bynes to show up in my bed.
- Oh my God.
(Carly laughs loudly)
What did you want to do with Amanda Bynes?
- Anything, probably.
- That's interesting.
God, didn't answer that prayer.
- Hi.
Where'd you go to school?
High school.
- I'm still in high school.
- Oh, you're still in high school.
- Yeah.
- Amazing.
- What do you do at school if you weren't on Zoom right now?
- I'm really big in, like, the theater program at my school.
- That's what I saw, yes, yeah.
- What's that supposed to mean?
(both laugh)
- That I can tell in your voice that you'd be great
at theater and maybe the lipstick.
(both laugh)
- People would probably think like, oh, these are just
like wild godless children.
- Uh, huh.
- And like maybe?
- Yeah, sometimes.
(both laugh)
- What do you think happens after we die?
- Whoo.
- What do you hope happens?
- I hope that I'll see my family again.
- Uh, huh, I hope so, too.
I would guess that you would identify as not religious.
- Um, why?
- Well, this is absolutely a biased assessment
but theater kids, I think were probably the most agnostic
of the high schoolers.
But the idea that you just hope to see your parents after
you die, makes me think you might be agnostic.
- Ah, I'm Jewish.
- Oh, sweet.
- Yeah.
- I feel like I kind of am, too.
- Yeah.
(both laugh)
It was so nice meeting you.
- Nice meeting you, too, Charlotte.
- Bye.
- Where do you come from, Erin?
- I am from California.
- Okay.
Were you raised in a religious community of any kind?
- Yes, I was.
- Okay, Do you trust authority?
- I think that authority is often wrong with power comes
privilege and if you use that in the wrong way, then like,
I don't trust you, I don't like you,
I don't want you in my life.
- So, power is a big thing for you.
- I would say so, yeah.
- Yeah.
And religions, I think have power associated
with them, by and large.
- Yeah, they do.
- So, you're skeptical of religion whether or not
you're a religious person.
- Perhaps, maybe.
- Maybe.
I am leaning in the direction, I would think,
I would imagine that you've been burned by religion,
in some way or another like religious capital R communities.
- Yeah.
But I think that you seem hopeful and connected to things
that are deeply spiritual.
- I'm actually Catholic.
- Okay.
- Which I know is curve ball.
I don't like authority and that's like basically
the Catholic church.
I think Catholicism is really in my Irish Catholicism.
I think it's not only a religion but I think of it
as culture in that like, way that it's important
in my family and so it's a larger identity than just
a religion for me.
- Yeah.
- What makes you feel most connected with your partner
or with anyone else?
- As long as they're not like super opinionated,
like negatively, I guess, I just vibe with them.
As long as they're chill, I'm chill.
- Were are your parents religious?
- My mom is Mormon and my stepdad's religious
but like, neither of them are church goers.
- So, you weren't raised doing 5:00 AM Mormon?
- No, I went to church with my grandma,
my grandma's Christian.
- Okay.
- So I went to church with her all the time.
- Did you feel anything in that setting?
- Judged, I felt judged a lot, even though I wasn't
out at that time, I was always a little bit different.
- I would guess that since you were burned by religion,
that you don't identify with that anymore
or that would be my guess that you might be spiritual
but not religious.
- Yeah, you're kind of right.
I identify as Luciferian.
- Okay.
- Which is, we don't, it's not technically religion
because we don't worship anything.
We follow the idea of Lucifer.
- Okay.
- It's all building yourself up without bringing
other people down to do so.
- Yeah.
- How has it changed the way you see yourself?
- Oh, it's boosted my self-confidence so much.
Like, with the church, it was always, if you're not this
you're wrong.
If you're not this, you're wrong, with, the Church Of Satan
and Luciferianism, it's be the best person you can be
and just be yourself.
- What do you think happens after we die?
- Realistically, I don't think much happens.
- Okay.
- I think you just, when you die, that's pretty much it.
- What makes you feel hopeful?
- Just trying to accomplish as much as I can in my life.
- Yeah.
- So that way, when I do eventually have a family
and kids, I can provide to the best of my abilities.
- You know, my gut says atheist or non-religious.
- Yes, you are right.
(Carly claps hands)
- I am actually atheist.
- So, did you grow up religious?
- My father's side is pretty much traditional Italian
Catholic and then my mom, her side of the family was more
just kinda, it changed depending on the weather,
I like to say.
It's kind of up in the air.
So, pretty free as far as like, any religion.
- Right.
- In that household.
- Okay.
- Lovely lips.
- Oh my God, thanks.
- They really pop against the white here.
(both laugh)
Do you have any rituals that you do in the mornings
or on the weekends?
Anything you do regularly to center yourself?
- I do affirmations.
- Okay.
Sometimes I like, meditate before bed.
- I wanna hear more about meditation.
- Yeah?
- What does it look like for you?
- So I have a lot of trouble like, falling asleep,
so I started just playing like, meditations at night,
just mostly for sleeping.
- So, it sounds physiological.
Does it feel like more than that at all?
- Yeah, I think it like helps me clear my head a lot
and get more like, clear thoughts.
- I would say that I'm leaning towards vaguely spiritual,
but not religious.
- Okay, so I'm Muslim.
- Okay, practicing Muslim?
- I like, to think I'm like, I have a really strong faith
but I don't necessarily like, follow the religion like,
piece by piece.
- Right.
- But I feel like, I have a really strong connection
with God and like, a really like, strong like trust.
I see like, religion more as just like a feeling of peace.
- Absolutely.
- It was so nice meeting you.
- Nice meeting you, too.
- Thank you so much.
(giggles)
- Do you date?
I do date.
- What's dating like?
- It's a little harder, the dating scene, like online.
- Uh, huh.
- It's a little bit more difficult.
- What dating apps do you use?
- So I've used PlentyOfFish, Bumble.
Right now, I'm using Coffee Meets Bagel.
- Okay.
What are you looking for in your dating experience?
- Long-term relationship.
I want to get married.
- Okay.
I have a guess.
- Hmm.
- I think that you're Christian.
There's something about that fish dating website
(Carly laughs)
that sounded Christian to me.
- Really?
'Cause I feel that I don't find a lot of Christians
on Plenty of Fish but, okay.
- Well that, I just assumed it was like a,
Christian mingle but on a phone but I guess it's not.
- Yes, I'm non-denominational Christian.
- How do you experience prayer?
What's it like for you?
- I feel like it, for me personally is more like
a conversation with God, yeah.
- That's really sweet.
So, it sounds like God is a friend to you.
- Yes.
- Cool.
Saquia, tell me about your happiest memory.
- My friend's trip.
We went to California.
It was the first trip that I ever planned.
- And what'd you do on the trip that was so special?
- We went stargazing, we meditated.
My friend group is very spiritual.
So, we try to embrace every aspect and making sure
that we love one another cohesively.
- Where do you learn or experience love the most?
- For me, it's more of my energy matches your energy,
then that's where the love can start.
- [Interviewer] Do you two have matching energies?
- I kinda feel like you have great energy.
- I liked your energy.
- Like, as soon as I saw you from here, I was like,
oh, first of all, hi.
(both laugh)
How are you?
- Yeah.
I know that you're spiritual, that's like,
my gut reads that.
I feel like you would fuck around with paganism
is what I'm thinking.
- Not paganism.
(both laugh)
Not paganism.
I am spiritual.
- When did you know that you were spiritual
but departing from the religion of your parents?
- I knew I was spiritual when I was going through
my whole HIV transition.
- Okay.
- My family weren't doing a good job at focusing
on my mental health.
So, I made it a job for me to do it myself.
- Uh, huh.
- And because of that, it made me actually find a outlet
for me to embrace my spiritual side.
But at the same time, learning to love myself more than
the way they made me feel like it.
- Right.
- You know?
- Yeah, that's really important.
- Of course.
- It sounds like it saved you in some ways.
- Definitely and I always say that my diagnosis of HIV
is never a burden for me.
There's a degree where you can like, still be happy
and still live life.
- Yeah, you can still watch the stars in California.
- Yeah, exactly.
- Yeah.
You can still be healthy and still happy.
- Awesome.
It was really, really nice meeting you.
- You too.
I enjoyed this.
- I love your energy.
This is amazing.
- I'm taking it with me.
- Thank you.
- I'm tired.
That's what I think, first of all.
- It takes a lot of energy to try to get
to the core of a person.
Gosh, I was ready to call everyone like, spiritual agnostic.
That was what was surprising to it about me.
Of course, there was part of me that wanted to be right.
Maybe it's beautiful that I wasn't.
And yet I'm tired at the end of it.