KEVIN: I don't have to come around her,
so why do you need a restraining order?
IYANLA VANZANT: Because you frightened her.
Does that give her the right to try
to manipulate the system?
No that gives her the right to protect herself.
KEVIN: Yeah, but shes-- I'm not a threat.
You-- she felt threatened.
You know no no no I want you to use your tools.
I want you to take a breath.
This is not an attack.
This is a moment of truth.
Your mother was afraid of you because
of your inappropriate behavior.
I learned the behavior from her and my dad.
Now we have a conversation.
Now we gonna have a conversation.
Talk to your mother.
I learned when you get mad to go off, and curse people out,
and throw things, and do stuff like that
if people are doing you wrong.
How'd you learn that?
I saw, I saw you do it to dad.
And I remember one time he threw a knife at him.
And it went past my face and went in the door, and Gardena.
You don't remember throwing the knife at dad?
I remember throwing the knife at the door.
If I wanted to hit your dad, I would have hit him.
I purposely threw it at the door.
And that was 20 years ago.
And he was a child, and he learned
violence and inappropriate behavior
from you and his father.
How does it make you feel to hear your son say you
and his father taught him inappropriate expressions
of anger?
You don't have to justify or rationalize it.
20 years ago he was 9.
Do you understand how frightened and terrified he was?
- Mhm. - Do you get that?
Yes.
And now, and he couldn't take out an order of protection
against you.
But now you as a grown woman, when
he displays what you taught him, you
go get an order of protection.
Tell him how it makes you feel when you hear
him say you taught me that.
It makes me feel that he--
IYANLA VANZANT: That you--
--that you are focusing on me before my girls.
Yeah.
Amen.
Yes, I was angry, but I know I get angry.
I did something about it.
I got a relationship with the Lord.
I've read books, I've learned what triggers my anger.
And I learn coping skills that help me to defuse
so I don't go off like that.
I've grown, but I do regret that you saw that.
So--
Please forgive me.
For the behavior I demonstrated.
IYANLA VANZANT: That taught you--
That taught you-- IYANLA VANZANT: --it was OK--
--it was OK--
IYANLA VANZANT: --to express anger--
--to express anger--
IYANLA VANZANT: --inappropriately.
--inappropriately.
That's how you acknowledge he can't unsee it.
- Yeah. - He can't unhear it.
Yeah.
Even though it was 20 years ago.
Breathe, mama.
I'm breathing.
But I really just-- it hurt me.
Incredibly hurt.
And I felt alone.
I'm so happy that you are here, that you recognize that,
and that you are doing something.
Because now the sorries really have meaning.
I apologize.
Now I apologize instead of being sorry.
And ask for what?
And I ask for forgiveness.
I forgive you.