-Well, Jaleesa, usually interns aren't allowed
to present to the VP of Costco Marketing,
but I'm excited to hear your ideas.
-I won't let you down, sir.
As you know, Costco sales are sky high
among middle-aged people,
but teenagers only ever come to our stores
to do kick flips in the parking lot.
-Mm-hmm, yeah. How do we get them to come inside?
-Well, here's what we know -- teens love music.
So we need a pop group that's going to speak to my generation.
Please welcome Glitter Revolution.
[ Mid-tempo music plays ] -Hello, Costco.
Glitter Revolution is here.
[ Explosion sound plays ]
-So this is Glitter Revolution?
Hey, all you corporate freaks. -Are you ready to have --
Are you ready to have your khakis explode from the back?
-We're a three-person bop factory,
where the smokestacks go...
-"Whoo-whoo!"
-We are Glitter Revolution,
-And we want to know what the hell is up, Costco?
-Hm. This definitely isn't the Eagles,
but, uh, I'm here to learn.
-Well, thank you, warehouse savings legend.
Let's hit it.
♪ Attention, Costco shoppers ♪
-♪ Do-do do-do-da-da, do-do-da-da, do-do-dee ♪
♪ Bulk bitches only ♪
♪ Peanut brittle in bulk ♪
-♪ Aquarium rocks in bulk ♪
-♪ Humidifiers in bulk ♪
-♪ And a can of tuna that's one foot tall ♪
-♪ Do-do do-do-da-da, do-do-da-da, do-do-dee ♪
-♪ Big bulky bitches ♪
-♪ Come to the bomb ♪
[ Explosion sound plays ]
[ Cheers and applause ]
-Wow!
Our teen customers are going to absolutely stand this.
I'm closing my eyes, and I'm seeing
Olivia Rodrigo buying bags of beef Wellington.
-Exactly. And you won't believe this,
but they write all their songs from scratch.
-Right. -Just like the Eagles.
-That's right, and we took a little research trip yesterday.
-It was iconic.
We sampled Bagel Bites next to a forklift.
-Yeah. We each got $4 prescription eyeglasses.
-And, yeah, we all bought George W. Bush's new book.
-And that's when we realized Costco is such a vibe.
-This next song is about the famous Costco restaurant.
-♪ Attention, Costco diners ♪
-♪ Hey, boy, are you hungry? ♪
-♪ Hey, boy, chicken Caesar ♪
-♪ Hey, boy, I got a dollar fifty ♪
-♪ 'Cause you can get me hot dog ♪
-♪ You can get me hot dog ♪
[ Explosion sound plays ]
[ Cheers and applause ]
-Hey, that's actually the best song I've ever heard.
-Yeah. It's such a slay that Kirkland brand can be anything.
-Kirkland brand is deli meat, fleece, water bottles.
-And, yeah, tires, too. Slay, car.
[ Laughter ]
-Well, Glitter Revolution, here's what I can do.
I'd like to offer you a $5 million, 10-year contract.
-Really? -Uh-huh!
-Yes!
-On one condition --
I want to hear you dis our competitors.
-Glitter Revolution, show him the track
where you drag Costco's enemies' asses to hell.
-[ Scoffs ] Order up, legend.
This song is called "Flop Shop."
-♪ Attention, Costco rivals ♪
♪ Tongue lashing coming for yooooou ♪
-♪ Walmart, you're a flop shop ♪
-♪ Trader Joe's, you're a flop shop ♪
-♪ Amazon is quaking in her boots, bitch ♪
-♪ Best Buy, get F'd ♪
-♪ Sam's Club, go to hell ♪
-♪ Target, suck a toad ♪
♪ Every other store found dead in a ditch ♪
[ Explosion sound plays ]
[ Cheers and applause ]
-[ Speaking indistinctly ]
Mm.
-I'm so sorry, Glitter Revolution.
My boss says that, after hearing that third track,
we cannot give you the $5 million Costco brand deal.
-Aw! -Come on.
-Instead [sighs] we're going to have to give you the...
$25 million deal.
-Perfect! -Oh, yeah!
-[ Chuckles ] -Yeah!
-Well, how old are you guys?
-We're all 15,
except for she's 32 and I'm 30.
[ Laughter ]
-And I'm 45.
♪ Do-do do-do-da-da, do-do-da-da, do-do-dee ♪
-♪ Bulk bitches only ♪
♪ Come to the ball ♪
-[ Laughs ] [ Cheers and applause ]