Mark: Welcome to Mark Asks number four. I'm here today to talk love, sex and feminine
energy. I've got EJ Love with me. Thank you so much for coming in. You're a love and sex
coach from here in Queensland in the Gold Coast, and you just have been doing some amazing
work with women all around the world. So you've been, you've been running workshops, not just
nationally, overseas as well. You went absolutely viral last year with this video with the self
love video that over 14 million views, crazy. Um, and you do a lot of work with, with women
to heal their past wounds, not just mentally, but you kind of bring in this holistic energetic
spiritual approach to it as well. And you run these workshops and we actually met I
think for the first time at a V, not one of your workshops but at eight at one of these
healing workshops. And it was such a beautiful experience for me. So I think, yeah, first
and foremost, thank you for coming. You've got your book as well and your book should
be out by the time this video is there. So check it out in the description. Got your
book as well, Becoming The One that's been released now again, welcome.
EJ Love: Thank you.
Mark: Thank you for coming in. So today, we're talking feminine energy and expressing your
feminine freely. So I actually did a video on this and we sort of talked about ways to
empower your feminine energy and the video got a reasonably good response. It was one,
obviously as a guy, I said, you know, I really hope women receive this well. And by, by way
I've got a pretty good response. What you're, you're the expert at this though. So I want
to take this deeper and I want to, there's a lot of women who say come to me and they
spend a lot of their time in their masculine, in their work, maybe in their, in their lives
or they have to be in charge in a lot of spaces. So I guess first and foremost, we start at
the beginning. How does that affect their ability to express their feminine? And how
do you help women in that sort of situation bring that out more?
EJ Love: So I think what happens is that this energy where women are kind of in this doing,
controlling, kind of focused masculine is what I call an immature masculine energy.
And it's almost like...
Mark: Immature masculine.
EJ Love: Yeah. Yeah. So it's like her in a, in a man is not grown up yet. He's still
kind of figuring out what he's doing. And a lot of the reason why women go into this
immature masculine this is because they simply don't feel safe. And this is a lot to do with,
um, simply like not feeling safe to be a woman and a lot of conditioning around that, um,
being like physically smaller than men as well. Um, and so basically, what women do
is they go into the masculine energy too because they feel like that's, that's safer. And
Mark: like in the workplace it's safer or it's more productive or why are they?
EJ Love: Well, because ultimately in, if we go back to that hunters and gatherers days,
right? We think about this is that the man was the hunter and he would keep a woman safe
by going out and hunting, protecting her, making sure that she doesn't get eaten by
a lion, right? So this is still wired in our DNA. Okay? Now what women also tend to do
is they will adapt to what is most valuable. And because the masculine energy, which is
the, tends to be the more immature masculine energy, um, that, that is kind of running
the world is that they tend to go into this because it's perceived to be more valuable.
Whereas the feminine energy in our world today is not perceived by most of society as being
as valuable as masculine energy and to be more, to be doing what's more valuable means,
and like within our DNA, that's what we do to survive, right? So one more tend to do
what she needs to do, like, like unconsciously to be of most value to survive. Does that
make sense?
Mark: So you're saying that a woman would feel that to survive, she feels she has to
bring out this immature masculine.
EJ Love: Yes.
Mark: And is that wrong? Is she wrong by if you know, I have clients with a job who whether
they're bankers or CEOs or medicos, are they wrong? Bringing that masculine into that workplace
to survive that immature masculine?
EJ Love: Yeah, so I think that there's definitely elements of like mature masculine energy in
there like this. There's like a time and place and I think you speak to this as well. It's
like yes, be in your masculine energy at certain times and if it is like you're working on
a project or I'm in a masculine energy working on a project, but there's like a balance of
when am I going into being overly working or overly controlling. That's when I'm going
into this immature masculine, right? And then coming back to be like, okay, where's the
balance with that? When or when do I need to be in this masculine energy and when do
I need to be in my feminine energy? Yeah.
Mark: This is fascinating because I've never heard the Masculine broken down into this
kind of mature and immature side. And you said it's the immature that usually runs the
world and that's not necessarily a good thing. Is that right?
EJ Love: It's, well, it's about greed. It's about power. It's about control. All of these
things is, is like immature masculine energy.
Mark: So what's the difference between mature masculine and immature masculine.
EJ Love: So a mature masculine is like leadership and it's authenticity and it's wisdom. It's,
but not doing it from a place or let me show you how good I am. Yeah, let me show you how
valuable I am. It's like I just.
Mark: By definition that is trying to prove and trying to seek validation.
EJ Love: Exactly. So I see what happens with a lot of women, and this has been very much
in myself and what I've had to work through is that using my intelligence and my success
to prove that I'm worthy and lovable. Right. And then when that's come in with a man and
like trying to attract a man that is like similar, it's like, like it's not allowing
for that.
Mark: Well, I say this a lot to clients who asked me, Oh, you know, are men intimidated
by my success? I said, well, no, but are you showing up on the day proving how successful
you are? In which case, I don't care if you're a man, woman, or friend, if someone sits down
across the table and starts telling me how great they are, Oh, I have this many achievements
or money or subscribers, like why are you telling me this? Like it doesn't come off
mature, does it?
EJ Love: Well, no, that's right. And that, that again is the, is the immature. It's like
proving, needing to prove myself, needing to prove to again feel safe.
Mark: So how does, how does a woman who's watching this empower her feminine by, is
it moving to a more mature masculine state? Is that kind of what you're suggesting or
what you coach? Okay. So how does, how does she do that? How does she move herself to
a more mature masculine to ironically, it sounds weird, but yeah, the more mature your
masculine is, the better your feminine will be. That's kind of what you're saying, isn't
it? So how does she do that?
EJ Love: Yes. So how this works is basically, I see a lot of like these, this feminine
empowerment stuff going on and I, and I like my book is like healing your relationship
with the masculine to reclaim your feminine power. That's the subtitle. Yeah. And what
what this is, is because we have basically being told as like a lot of women, they're
doing work on themselves. You need to be more feminine, you need to be more feminine. You're
not feminine enough. And they go and they do these goddess workshops and they do this
feminine stuff, but the inner man is still like a teenage boy sort of being immature.
And it's the inner man that needs to make it safe for the woman to actually be feminine.
Mark: Got it, got it.
EJ Love: Yeah. Yeah. So when you have, like for example, when you have healthy boundaries,
when you're present for yourself, when you're holding space for yourself, like a lot of
women like hi, just wish a man would hold space for me and my emotions. My question
is, are you holding space for yourself? Are you showing up and being like, okay, I'm feeling
these emotions come up, I actually need to go and take time for myself and process this
instead of going into avoidance or anything like that. So that's part of, or maybe I need
to set a standard or a boundary. That's the healthy masculinity. That's the mature masculine.
And then the more that keeps creating safety inside of self. So then when you're with a
man, and he's, and you feel like you can be more feminine, right? Because you feel safe
inside of yourself to, to do that.
Mark: to release that, I had a client come to me and this could be a little bit of a
case study sort of thing for you. And she said, Mark, you know, I've been working on
my feminine with, with my coaches. She said, I'm a, I'm a doctor, so I'm in medical background.
She said I'd been working on my feminine and it's been great. You know, I feel very comfortable
being the light at work. I feel like I'm no longer competing with the masculine men at
work. I feel like I provide a great balance to the workplace. My success is in question
and playful. The guys love having me around. She said I'm getting great results at work
and then the moment I step out and meet guys at a bar or on a date, that playfulness, that,
that feminine, it just, it shuts down. And I said to her, well, what do you think the
difference is? And we explored it and she said one of the big differences is around
the men at work. I feel safe. Like I feel there's this masculine presence in the room.
I feel protected, so I just, I'm free, I'm playful, I'm, I get the job done brilliantly,
but I don't have to enter a masculine state to, to do it. Whereas I don't have the same
trust and safety feelings when I'm out meeting a man. I just, I don't feel that confidence.
So how can someone like this go into maturing their masculine? What are the next steps?
I know you sort of alluded to some then, but what are the next steps someone like this
can take because yeah, I hear what you're saying. Because people would go, well this
is a problem bringing out your feminine. Well actually it could be a problem having your
masculine making it safe for you to bring out your feminine. Is that right?
EJ Love: Yes. Yeah.
Mark: And so how can she then go and, and basically bring out that that well be able
to bring out that feminine more by having, how can she feel safe in those other environments?
You know, whether it is dating or a bar with her masculine.
EJ Love: Yeah. So one of the things that I teach and what I do is that she getting a
woman to create like see they're in a man, like create like an archetype and we go into
like some processes to be like no matter what happens, no matter if I get rejected, no matter
if I'm afraid of abandonment, that my man has got me. Right? He's there. He's always
there to, to, to fall back on. And you know, it's over time it's, it's, he's going to keep
growing up. I like, I have a lot of clients come in and we go into a process and they
meet their inner man and he's usually like 14 years old when they meet them and then
they wonder why they keep attracting men that are like teenage boys because that's reflecting,
right? So yeah, it's the reflection. Yes. Like why can't I meet like a mature man? It's
because your, your in a man is not, is not, isn't there yet. Um, and then over time, like
doing this, like constantly doing these practices of like say she goes out to a bar and she
feels like she's, well, she goes and approaches ends up feeling rejected. It's like, well,
I'm going to take that rejection, I'm going to process it and I'm going to feel it. And
the feeling it is going to heal it so that the next time she goes out it doesn't. But
it's the inner man that goes, I need to go and take some time to feel this. Okay. And
I need to go and like, like hold, hold space for my feminine. Yeah. Okay. And so that then
gets reflected out too with the men that show up, like the men will start showing up. That
would be like, Oh, let me hold space for you.
Mark: Okay. And there's this kind of inner real man inside her that's like, you're allowed
to feel this. You're, you're okay. Yeah. And then she can feel it, process it, and then
go back to being free with her feminine in those environments again the next time.
EJ Love: Yeah. It'll just over time it'll get easier as well. And th th that just, those
things won't be in so much in this space anymore. Yeah. And...
Mark: It's fantastic.
EJ Love: Yeah. And I also lead into a lot of inner child work as well and actually being
like, a lot of it's so connected to father, so it's really important to, um, get basically
the woman to be her own father for her inner child. So the inner child that feels rejected
and the dad, the father wasn't there for her at the time. It's like now you're inner masculine
has to show up and be the mature masculine because most fathers have been immature masculine.
And it's not their fault, it's just that that's the way that they were brought up. Yeah.
Mark: Fascinating. I love this. Okay, so essentially a woman can empower and free up her feminine
and it's not always a case of of working on all the feminine stuff. At the same time,
it's also you've got to know who you're inner masculine is or what visualize him.
EJ Love: Yeah, you can visualize him. You can give him a name. You can go like in, like
visualization and see what, and call him in and be like, what is it like I'm calling in
my inner man and see what vision comes and really connect with them. Yeah,
Mark: and I think I know the answer to this, but if a woman says, you know, if I have my
own inner man, doesn't that kind of kill my want for a man on the outside? You know, like,
why don't I just be happy single forever if I have this great inner man and I'll stop
even wanting one on the outside, what would you say to someone who says that?
EJ Love: Well, the thing is is that it will come from a different place. Like the men
that show up will come in a reflection to what you already have, not from a place I
don't have, of lack, of scarcity. I was like, I want a man because I'm not getting my needs
met. And then that man's going to meet my needs. And it's a lot about what my book's
about. It's like I have, I have this really integration of my masculine and feminine and
now I will naturally attract the energy and draw that in.
Mark: So you're not, the woman's not going to be like, you know, a great guy comes along
and says, I've already got me in a man. I'm just fine. Thank you. You can, you can walk
on your way. There's, there's still going to draw that person to their lives that reflects
that.
EJ Love: Totally. Yeah. Yeah. And I just wanted to add something here around the, what we
said about your client before, um, was that when she goes, when she's kinda got tapped
into her inner man, once she goes into the situation, that's when she's like, okay, I'm
afraid of rejection. I'm feeling afraid of rejection, but you know what? I'm going to
call in my inner man and it's my inner man it's going to go in and go out there and he's
got me, you know, it's like you're calling him in and I get a lot of my classes do this,
is that I'm going to, he's going to go and he's going to approach, you know, his maturity
is going to get out there. Yeah.
Mark: We recently did in a separate interview channel interview we actually took you at,
was that a a technique or was that a visualization you used yourself to make yourself more comfortable
with the little social exercise that we did?
EJ Love: Well, I think that I've done this quite a bit in different areas of my life,
so it's like a, not really something I have to do now. It's like kind of just integration.
It's, it's he's there now, like I've, yeah, yeah. He's matured quite well that it's really
integrated because I kept, you know, and I just naturally showing up in these ways. So
yeah.
Mark: And for women who are very sort of in their feminine all the time, so say opposed
to the, someone with a more masculine job, someone who is perhaps very feminine and maybe
very empathic and struggles with her boundaries and things. How important is this work?
EJ Love: Oh, so important because it's about having the integration and balance of both.
And so there's also what I call the wounded feminine and the healthy feminine. So, and
generally if you're only working on one, you'll tend to go to either immature or the wounded.
So you have to work on both the masculine and the feminine,
Mark: Right, yeah. So this masculine, this masculine work, interested to meet the mature
masculine is just as important for say, an attorney who's been in immature masculine
as it is for someone who hasn't done any of that as it is for maybe a classically from
a dancer or a yoga instructor who doesn't have those boundaries and is really struggling
with, with putting good boundaries in place with men basically. This mature masculine
work is equally important for both of those women.
EJ Love: Absolutely. Yeah, absolutely for both. Yeah,
Mark: That is fascinating. That's fascinating stuff. I love the content. You've got your
book Becoming The One, so check out EJ's book in the description as well. Anything else
you wanted to add?
EJ Love: Yeah. What I tend to see also is that most women who are in a immature masculine
will be polarized and attracted to a man that's in wounded feminine.
Mark: Yeah, sorry. In an immature masculine. Yeah.
EJ Love: That's an immature masculine will be polarized to a wounded feminine. This recreates
like this chemistry and then women are wondering, why do I keep attracting men that are like
victims or I have to rescue them, or why do I have to pull them up and why don't they
make decisions and all those kind of stuff it's because there's the polarity which is
creating chemistry and I think we're going to do another video on that,
Mark: We can chat about that soon. That's kind of an inner boy you're saying coming
through and almost what they're attracting.
EJ Love: Yeah, yeah,
Mark: Yeah. Fantastic content. I love it. EJ, thank you so much for coming in and sharing
your time with me. We're going to get EJ back for another interview really soon. Let me
know your thoughts, comments, questions. Do you have questions for EJ? What would you
like to know? Post them all in the space below. Hit the big red subscribe button as you always
do it with the little bell next to it, make sure you hit that bell or you'll miss the
notifications. Thumbs up button as well. As I say, leave your comments for EJ and myself
below. I love to hear your questions. Thank you again for coming in.
EJ Love: My pleasure, it was fun.
Mark: See you next time.
EJ Love: Thanks Mark.
Mark: Bye guys.
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