- The yellow part looks like polka dots.
The yellow and red part, and I'm a fan of polka dots.
- Well, the whole bottle looks like you doing this.
(laughing)
If we're talking about packaging.
(soft music)
What's up guys, it's Patrick Cloud,
and I am reppin' Red Rooster as the best
hot sauce of all time.
- [Man] Boo!
- So generic, it's so salty and generic!
- They should call it Red Bootsy.
- What?
- Why you ruin my intro?
A'ight, so. (laughing)
- The best hot sauce ever, and it goes to Tabasco Chipotle.
- Nah. - No!
- If you'd have just went with the regular one!
- That's not a hot sauce!
- First of all, its the classiest one up here 'cause
it's the only one that comes in a box.
The only one. (laughing)
- Really?
- In the box. - It comes in a box.
- It's the only one!
- The reason why it's such a good hot sauce is
what I like to call an accent.
Nah, I don't like hot sauce that's too hot,
because if it's too hot, I can't enjoy my food.
- And then you have to pop open your girdle.
(laughing) - Woo!
- Best hot sauce ever, and it is Texas Pete!
- Never heard of that! - Never heard of it!
- Okay, so first of all, half of this panel
is from California, they've never been outside of Cali.
They thought California was a country,
which is why they didn't realize that
Texas Pete runs the south, okay?
- Tapatío, first of all, is a real hot sauce,
made in Mexico, okay?
- It's only for Mexican food.
- It doesn't taste good.
- It's only good on breakfast burritos, quesadillas!
- Okay, this is how you know every Mexican restaurant
is fire, if it has Tapatío
.
If it has Tobasco sauce,
its not a real Mexican restaurant.
- That is true.
- Sweet Baby Ray's!
- [Doboy] How could it be the best
if it just came out last week?
- Because, listen, let me tell you why.
So this here hot sauce was founded in 1985.
- [All] No it wasn't, Sweet Baby Ray's was founded.
- Isn't that barbecue sauce?
- Can I finish? - It's barbecue sauce!
- Can I finish my story?
- That was founded March first.
(laughing)
2018.
- This actually has a kick, it's not hot water
like Crystal, I don't even know
what the deal with Tobasco is.
That's like the D-list of every diner.
- [Cris] Liar. Liar.
- I mean, if it's not on eggs, it's kind of pointless.
- [Cris] Liar.
- All that is is salt and water and food coloring.
- That's what you are.
- No. (laughing)
You could put it on your noodles.
- [Patrick] You put it in your Kool-Aid?
- On your ramen, no, not in my Kool-Aid
- He puts it in his cereal.
(laughing)
- You could put it on your ramen,
you could put it on your mashed potatoes.
- You just put it on your fingers and lick it off.
(laughing)
- Once again, just get straight to the point.
- I ain't gonna even lie!
- [Denzel] That is fire, from top to bottom.
- Denzel put me on it. - I did!
- Denzel put me on it, I went to Chipotle, had some,
I stole two bottles that night.
(laughing)
- Texas Pete sounds like a criminal.
I don't trust Texas Pete. (laughing)
- He'll stick you up! (laughing)
- It was Texas Pete! (laughing)
- The mascot, mm!
- [Doboy] Oh you got wings?
- [Cris] Aww, nah!
- Y'all didn't come prepared!
Y'all didn't come with them things ready!
- Okay.
- Y'all didn't come prepared.
Your boy, look, I'm gonna tell y'all why.
- [Patrick] Fair enough.
- Doboy just got a boner.
(laughing)
- Let me have one of those wings or I'll fight you!
- [Denzel] Shut up!
- It does, it's flavorful.
- Tapatío is only good on taco truck tacos.
That's the only time it's good.
- Which is fire a 3 o'clock in the morning,
what are you getting?
- Okay, but that's all it's good for.
- You put Tapatío hot sauce on your tacos.
- You can't put it on American food.
It doesn't taste good on chicken.
- Yep, right, that's not good on fried chicken.
- It's not.
- Mexicans built America, okay?
You're putting hot sauce on that!
- Hey, didn't you pick the peppers for this?
(laughing)
- Tobasco Chipotle Pepper sauce.
What is hot sauce made out of, peppers!
- It's not a hot sauce.
- Hot sauce is peppers, we good!
- So it's a pepper sauce?
- We in there like booty hair.
- Ew, booty hair?
- When it comes to flavor, listen.
When it comes to flavor, this is the only hot sauce
being represented today that tastes good.
- It's not a hot sauce!
- It's a pepper sauce.
- It's a pepper sauce, and on top of that,
you already know regular Tobasco
tastes like feet. (laughing)
- It does.
- I'm not representing regular Tobasco sauce.
- [Doboy] Let's talk about Tobasco sauce.
It's very watered down. - Chipotle!
- You had to buy a Texas Pete with
a bandanna around your face.
(laughing)
We're here for the Texas Pete!
(laughing)
Get 'em to the sky, cowboy!
- Gimme the sauce, varmint!
You varmint! (laughing)
- Gimme all the Pete, and no one gets hurt!
(laughing)
- Real Mexican actual hot sauce, its hot sauce.
- Do they actually eat that in Mexico?
Or is that like a Mexican-American thing?
- No, this is what they eat in Mexico.
- Are you sure? - Yeah.
- I feel like they don't do that in Mexico.
- No, is there Spanish on the back of that?
- Let me see.
- [Megscoop] Exactly, it's American.
(speaking in a foreign language)
(laughing)
- It's not good, look.
Look, you tryin' to fake it, you know it's not good!
- No I mean, it sounded good.
- You need more, don't you, yeah, look at you.
(coughing)
- I mean, if we're talking about just flavor,
this is actually delicious, a lot of hot sauce is either
trying to be hot and it has no flavor,
or it's trying to be flavorful and it's not hot.
- What flavor is hot, nah, what flavor is hot?
I wanna know. - It's like that, ah.
- No, no. (laughing)
- I bet you won't take a shot of it.
- Why would you. - Why would you?
- And actually eat some of the box,
'cause I heard the box tastes just like the sauce.
- Bet you won't put it on top of
a cardboard box and eat it.
- Oh no, Tahir!
- Stop eating paper Tahir!
- You're on tour! - Jesus!
- You're better than this now!
- [Denzel] Is he though?
- [Doboy] Oh my gosh.
- First of all, it's thick, look at that.
- It's very watery. - No, you're thick!
- Baby boy.
- [Man] Oh god.
- Stop eating the paper, you could just lick the paper!
- You're eating inanimate objects again, kid!
- You don't have to chew that!
- I mean, it must be pretty good.
(laughing) - What are you chewing?
- If it was garbage, nobody would have bought it.
And it's one of the highest. - Nobody buys it!
We ain't heard of it.
- Shut up. - 'Kay.
(laughing)
- It's one of the highest.
- Listen to this lie.
- One of the highest selling hot sauces ever.
- Crystal hot sauce is fire.
I feel like you can put it on bread and it's good.
- Wow. - Okay.
- I've put it on white bread at times.
- Yes, I'm not surprised!
- What do you call that dish?
(laughing)
- Hot bread!
- Look. Salsa Picante, hot sauce!
- [Doboy] No.
- Okay, Spanish lessons here!
This is actual hot sauce, what does y'all's say?
- Texas Pete!
- Louisiana hot sauce that's sold in California.
- Sweet Baby Ray's.
- Texas Pete that's not sold in Texas.
- It is!
- That's not used in Texas!
- It is, I used to live in Dallas.
- No it's not, I was born and raised
in Houston, Texas, I've never used Texas Pete!
- Why are you using Tapatío then?
- Because it's a fire hot sauce, that's why I'm up here!
(speaking in a foreign language)
(laughing)
- It's not verasatile. (laughing)
- I've never even seen a red rooster.
Red roosters don't exist.
- Because you've never left California.
- Why do you care about the logo?
- Have you ever seen a red rooster?
- You said red roosters don't exist?
Because you haven't seen one?
- No! - Evidently abs don't exist.
(laughing)
Abs, low blood pressure, normal cholesterol,
none of this exists 'cause he's never seen it.
(laughing)
- Braces, they don't exist!
- Bellybuttons.
- Okay, okay you got your point across!
- Bellybuttons? (laughing)
- I mean, this is good because it even
makes your side dishes better.
I used to didn't really like collard greens like that.
- [Tahir] Your boobs are a side dish.
(laughing
- 'Til I hit it with the Crystal.
- You want some?
- [Doboy] I'll have a dollop, give me a dollop.
- Texas Pete comes with a six-shooter
and some dirty boots. (laughing)
- Meg is kickin' down saloon doors for this.
(laughing)
Where's the Texas Pete?
Lemme get a dollop.
- See, it's spicy!
- This is hella watery.
- I mean, have you seen a rooster at all?
- Yes, they be brown, they be white.
- They be red.
- Foghorn Leghorn, it's different ones!
- You've seen a white rooster?
- I seen one! - That's a chicken.
(laughing)
- That's a chicken.
- That is a chicken.
- [Patrick] Say I like this hot sauce in Spanish.
- [Doboy] He can't, he can't.
(laughing)
- (speaking in a foreign language) Hot sauce.
- Get your fraud ass. - You fraudulent!
(laughing)
- La frauda, la frauda!
(laughing)
- Put some subtitles! (laughing)
(speaking in a foreign language)
- Chick-fil-A gives you this hot sauce in a packet.
- No they don't. - Yes they do!
- [Denzel] They give you buffalo sauce.
- But who actually uses hot sauce at Chick-fil-A?
You use Chick-fil-A sauce and barbecue sauce and ketchup.
- Or you use buffalo sauce.
- I use the honey roasted barbecue and it is fire.
- When you go to Chick-fil-A, you're
supposed to get all the sauces.
- I ain't never met a tobasco sauce that I liked.
- You aint never met a piece of food that you didn't like.
(laughing)
- Why are you guys meeting your food, and sauces?
You guys sit down like "Hey, I'm Doboy, how you doin'?"
(laughing)
"I'll be consuming you today."
- "I'm gonna put my mouth on you later,
"I figured I should know your name."
(laughing)
- It's not gonna overpower,
that's the most important thing for your hot sauce
to not do, not to bully your mouth into submission.
Just to add a little bit of flavor.
- Who's bullying mouths over there?
(laughing) - That did not sound right.
- What are you doing on your own time?
- It did not sound right!
- What happens when a mouth is in submission?
(laughing)
- [Patrick] Let's talk about that for a second.
- [Cris] Your mouth submits to everything!
(laughing)
- Let's not run away from the elephant in the room.
- You? - Stop it.
- What, were you just gonna listen to that,
like "Oh, oh okay, not gonna do this elephant joke."
- You said this off-camera.
What's the expiration date for your hot sauce?
- This is gonna lead to a point for you?
- Oh absolutely, what's the expiration date?
- I wanna see the point now.
- Yeah. - February 2023.
- So you mean to tell me you gon' eat something
that is not gonna expire for five years, hmm?
- It's vinegar. - Hmm?
- That's what vinegar does.
- Hmm?
- How do you not know that?
(laughing)
Hot sauce is made with vinegar.
- Five years?
- You don't like it because it tastes like peppers,
and you were like "Ugh, vegetables".
- No, I feel like it promotes bad decision-making.
- No, you don't like this because it's spicy
and you was like "Man, my corset is too tight,
"let me just unbutton it." (laughing)
- Get 'em!
- I feel like it promotes bad decision-making.
- Here's another one.
- So then why you always make bad decisions?
- Nah I'm trying to set her up,
but she won't fall for the bait.
I feel like it's bad for decision making.
- Then why do you make bad.
- 'Cause anything that would make you wear a shirt
with no shoulders has got to be stupid.
(laughing)
- Oh!
- I find that quite funny!
- All right guys, look, like I said,
it's the real hot sauce, it's the real deal hot sauce.
Gang gang.
- When you scan that at the store,
the register goes. (beeping)
(laughing)
- That was actually very clever, I appreciate that one.
- Wow.
- The Asian side of Meg feels so disrespected
that you didn't go with Sriracha.
- No, because this is a different type of hot sauce.
This is American.
You don't necessarily think of that when
you think of hot sauces,
but when you think of hot sauce,
I think of chicken, I think of catfish,
and I think of Texas Pete!
- It's only big in the south, though.
It's like Slim Thug.
(laughing)
- Slim Thug is doing real estate!
He's building Houston back!
- Big boss! - He's doin' big things!
- So you don't eat honey.
- No, I'm talking about that, honey is a different thing.
- What?
- How is that different, it doesn't expire either.
- Because bees are the life force of the ecosystem.
If bees were to leave, we wouldn't survive
for six months, I read it!
- Can we just hear a little bit more about that?
- If bees did not exist, we would not last
more than six months on planet Earth.
They're that important to us.
- How?
- The honey, they pollinate the flowers.
- What else?
What else do they pollinate but lots of flowers?
- You don't know what the hell you're talking about!
- They sting people; population control.
- All right, shout out to the bees.
(laughing)
- If you wanna be like Doboy in life, get you some Crystal.
- [Tahir] That's exactly why you shouldn't get it.
(laughing)
(upbeat jazz music)