-I am Samantha Bee.
Welcome to "Full Frontal."
Ooh, what a fun time to be alive!
Absolutely explosive news out of Washington tonight.
The city erupting at the news.
The bombshell announcement--
It is seismic.
It's bizarre, and it's an earthquake.
It is so outrageous.
It is so grotesque.
It is so wrong.
This is shocking.
Shocked would be a gross understatement.
This is a crisis for the country.
The shock waves will ripple out here.
Ooh, a shock wave bombshell earthquake!
[GASPS] Oh, how I pity anyone in the DC area
who was baking a souffle when the news broke.
I'm so sorry for your loss, Lindsey Graham.
This brings us to our recurring segment, Our Weekly
Constitutional Crisis--
What the Fuck Is It This Time?
As of yesterday afternoon, the only FBI drama most Americans
expected to unfold on TV were the upcoming seasons of "Twin
Peaks" and the "X-Files."
But at 6:00 PM, with our show written,
and the staff on their second whiskey,
our dumb democracy ran into a wall with a bucket on its head
again.
I was on the way to winning, until the combination
of Jim Comey's letter, on October 28th,
and Russian Wikileaks raised doubts in the minds of people.
ANNOUNCER: This is CNN Breaking News.
All right, we have major breaking news.
We're interrupting that report.
Jeff Zeleny, our White House--
senior White House correspondent is joining us on the future
of the FBI director.
The President of the United States
has terminated the Director of the FBI, James Comey.
Ugh!
Comey managed to get in Hillary's way one
last time, for old time's sake.
Thus began the slow motion clusterfuck
of impulsiveness and ineptitude that this White
House is famous for.
Trump had his bodyguard take a dismissal letter--
complete with a totally normal digression
about how the president didn't collude with Russia, OK--
and hand-deliver it straight to FBI Headquarters,
where Comey wasn't.
He was in Los Angeles, where he learned about his firing
from a TV report, got in an SUV and was slowly followed down
the highway in a weird echo of the OJ chase,
except not really, because we know
the president would never have fired
his good friend, the "Juice."
Then Sean Spicer "managed the narrative"
by hiding in the bushes so reporters wouldn't film
him, because he'd rather get lyme disease
than talk to the press.
And the cable news networks flipped out for six hours
without a single commercial break, which means Americans
spent the whole evening not knowing
who to call about our mesothelioma,
or what pill to take for opioid-induced constipation.
I tried prunes, laxatives, still constipated.
I had to talk to my doctor.
She said, how long you been holding this in?
[CHUCKLES]
And what the hell am I supposed to do with all my old gold?
They say those who forget history
are doomed to repeat it.
But last night, those who remembered history also
got pretty repetitive.
It was October 20, 1973, the Saturday Night Massacre,
when Richard Nixon fired Archibald
Cox, the special prosecutor.
Perhaps worse than October 20, 1973.
ADAM SCHIFF (ON PHONE): --most tainted
actions by President Nixon.
--were hot on his tail on Watergate.
The shades of Nixon.
The Watergate break-in.
The Saturday Night Massacre.
It looks like he's pulled a "Saturday Night Live" Massacre.
Wasn't that the working title for Studio 60 on the Sunset
Strip?
By 7:30-- and I am not making this up--
the staff of Nixon's official library
were trying to wash the Donald Trump taint off Richard Nixon,
with the hashtag, #notNixonian, which is fair.
At least Nixon wasn't at war with lat-night comedy.
Sock it to me?
You know what, fine, guys.
Trump doesn't want to be associated with you either.
Wait, oh my god, are you fucking kidding me?
Where did Henry Kissinger come from?
[CHUCKLES] Why was he at the White
House at this very moment?
He never left.
He's been trapped in the dumbwaiter all these years.
Ooh, I can't wait for R. Kelly to write
a hip-hopper about this.
And while you're at it, R., get Trump to release his "P" tape.
Reached for comment inside the Large Hadron Collider,
Vladimir Putin said this.
We know.
That's the problem.
His only competence is firing people.
And he's too dumb to understand why this time, his ratings
didn't go up.
I was told by-- earlier tonight--
by a source familiar with discussions inside the White
House, that they did not expect this
to be the political explosion that it was.
News flash, most of us love our democratic norms
more than we hate the other team, President Ding-Dong.
This isn't partisan.
I don't like James Comey.
Nobody does.
You either think he lost Hillary the election.
Or you think he's the reason she's not locked up.
Comey is a bit of a turd.
But at least he's an independent turd.
Whoever Trump appoints next to lead the FBI,
whether it's David Clarke, Joe Arpaio, or Ivanka in a trench
coat, they'll know that if they look too hard at Trump's Russia
connections, they'll be out.
That's why Jeffrey Toobin's job last night
was to appear on every single show
and say one thing over and over.
This is not normal.
I do know that this is not normal.
This is not a normal event in American history.
It's not normal, and it's not American.
It's not normal.
This is not how presidents behave.
Jeff Toobin, I gotta start with you.
Is this normal?
This-- no.
I guess we'll never know, except this has become normal.
This president has wiped his ass with the Constitution
so many times, the National Archives
started leaving passive-aggressive notes
asking him to chip in for toilet paper.
When POTUS shot off an insulting infantile tweet
during Hannity's show, as usual, we were just relieved
it wasn't a whole tweet storm.
Just one tweet, gosh, that's practically presidential.
That's where we are.
The president is meeting with a war criminal.
Putin's playing space hockey.
And the press secretary is hiding in some shrubbery.
Did I miss anything?
We didn't get the chance to say it.
This is Day 110 of the Trump administration.
Oh, god.
Sean, scoot over.
We'll be right back.
[MUSIC PLAYING]