You have gotten yourself jacked for a role,
and this photo, I don't know if we have it.
I think we have it.
It's been everywhere.
(audience cheering)
You are just a wall of muscle now.
Do you feel stronger?
Do you actually feel like superhero strong?
No, these muscles are decorative.
They don't do anything.
(audience laughs)
They really don't.
Emily will be like, "Can you open this jar for me?"
I'm like, "Probably not."
Now, how did fans respond when you revealed,
I Kumail Nanjiani now have this physique?
People expect me to be different,
and I'm really not.
I am slightly less interesting,
'cause I do talk about working out a lot.
Yeah. And I'm slightly less funny.
[Conan] Right.
Other than that, no-- Same guy.
Same guy.
Do people get intimidated by you now?
No, 'cause of my voice.
(audience laughs)
This one guy was like I wish his voice would get a six pack.
(audience laughs)
You are honored that they put you,
Pornhub put you in the muscular men category.
They did, and this is a true story.
You're in the Pornhub muscular men category.
(audience laughs)
So under the category, yeah it was mature, MILF,
and then muscular men, and it was a picture of me,
and they gave me a 10 year free subscription
to Pornhub Premium.
(audience laughs)
(audience cheers)
(Andy laughs)
You know, can I just say it?
I love the way the crowd reacted to that.
They were genuinely excited.
They reacted as if you had been terminally ill,
and then suddenly you announced you're cured.
(audience laughs)
And it was about a 10 year subscription to Pornhub.
I will say, you know 'cause people are like,
why do you need to pay for porn?
And I don't, I do not work for Pornhub.
They have not paid me to say this.
Right.
But Andy does, Andy?
(audience laughs)
Oh, I am furious right now!
I only got a three year premium subscription.
I'll share my login with you.
We just have to coordinate our schedules,
so they don't-- You mean like, together?
No no-- Oh I understand.
I understand, okay, okay.
Not together.
'Cause I mean I,
I'm open-minded, but it may seem weird.
No, no, no, I don't mean--
Right, I get it, I get it, I get it.
He didn't mean are you free Thursday?
I understand, I understand.
I'll be like, I'll text you hey,
stay off it for the next five to seven minutes.
All right. (audience laughs)
I'm going to the muscular men category.
So wait, so--
You have access to a whole new world.
Like, free porn is good.
But when you go to premium,
I could develop fetishes, crazy ones over the next 10 years,
and I know I'll be taken care of.
(audience laughs) Right.
There's a lot.
I have no idea, what's happening on premium porn?
Well if I have to explain it to you.
Yeah. You wouldn't understand.
I just picture the same stuff's happening,
but they're all wearing really nice hats.
(audience laughs)
Their feet are slightly more pedicured.
[Conan] This is nice.
It is nice.
Not that. Oh.
(audience laughs)
This next thing I was gonna say.
You were invited to join,
was it Time's 100 most influential people's list.
Yeah, I was.
[Conan] And weren't you also asked to join the Academy?
Yeah.
The movie Academy.
The movie Academy, which was great.
The Time thing, which was great.
They pick 100 people every year,
and again, people were upset.
They were like--
[Conan] They were upset that you're in there?
They were like, Kumail's on the list
and Vladimir Putin isn't on the list?
And I'm like, I don't wanna piss him off.
It should be him, not me.
I'm a fan.
(audience laughs)
You know what?
That is our,
that is our Putin camera, by the way.
Putin.
(audience laughs)
That's the one that goes right to him.
(audience laughs)
Great work, man! Yeah.
Keep at it.
You have a fan.
So, were people like,
you said that people were upset
that hey, if you're on a list.
I would think it makes sense,
'cause the minute you're on a list
there are people that are angry
why you, and not that other person?
Yeah, 'cause there's always,
honestly I agree with them.
I should not be on--
I don't agree.
I think you should be on the list.
Thank you so much.
I'm not just saying that, you're very influential.
(Kumail laughs)
Seriously you are, you are. Thank you.
You've got a big following.
You've been you know,
a big part of the community.
I'm just throwing out words now.
You've really, yes, bottom of the barrel there.
You're a big part of the community?
[Conan] You're a human being.
Yeah, you're a person.
You have a-- You inhabit earth.
You have parents that care about you.
No no, you have had a very successful career
and I think you should be one of the Time 100.
Well thank you.
I just realized my parents are gonna watch this
and know that I have
a 10 year subscription to Pornhub Premium.
(audience laughs)
I guess Dad's gonna visit now.
(audience laughs)
(audience applauds)
I'm sorry!
I'm sorry, Mr. Nanjiani, but it's a known fact!
I wish you could've seen what I saw
just like two feet away, Conan going Dad's gonna visit now,
and then eyebrows did a thing.
That was the creepiest thing--
I'm a creep.
[Kumail] Dad's gonna visit.
You know maybe you were right to cancel last time.
(audience laughs)
It felt very threatening.
Dad's gonna visit.
Oh no, lock the doors.
Dad's gonna visit.
It's also nice too that now he has a reason.
Not to visit you or anything, but what, he's got porn.
Man, whatever works, I'll take it.
Yeah, yeah. I miss him.
Let's talk about-- (audience laughs)
Dad, I have free porn.
Let's talk about "Little America."
I think this is an amazing project,
and I'm very excited for you.
You are the executive producer of the show "Little America"
and this is, I guess your effort project
to get people to relate to the immigrant struggle, which--
That's a tough segue, pulled off very well.
From porn to the lives of immigrants.
(audience laughs)
Hey, everybody--
I'm sure there are immigrants
that have gotten their start in porn.
(audience laughs)
You went back.
You went back-- Tried.
You crossed the bridge, went back,
and jumped off the bridge.
I tried-- (audience laughs)
It's a job.
I tried to--
[Andy] It is a job, that is true.
It is a job!
Right, yes.
Yeah, and they work hard.
(audience laughs)
Immigrants do too.
I don't think this show will air.
Okay.
(audience laughs)
I have a strong feeling that none of this will air.
That they're gonna show a farm report
from the 1980s from Iowa, yeah.
But what sweet revenge to get on you
for not showing up last time.
Yeah, here we go.
Okay, so "Little America" is a show,
it's an anthology show,
so every episode is completely different
and they're based on real stories of immigrants to America.
And they're dramatized versions.
You know, they're like actors and we wrote 'em
and changed the story a little bit,
but yeah, all eight of 'em are completely different.
Completely different towns.
There's people from Syria, Mexico,
it's like all over the world.
Iran, India,
and just very, very proud of the show.
It's on Apple TV+.
I think, you know, I have many times
just you can live in any city in the United States
and experience this, but in Los Angeles
when I encounter people who have come here
three, four years ago, some of them
not speaking the language,
and they're reinventing their lives,
they're reinventing who they are in this foreign country,
I'm so blown away.
And when I talk to them, I think,
I don't know that I could do that.
I grew up here, and I'm the beneficiary
of so many advantages, and you hear about these people
and it is, that's why I think this project
is such a great idea.
Yeah, and you know I've spoken to so many people.
You'll meet somebody,
like I was talking to this older gentleman,
and he was a chemist where he was from,
and now he was driving a cab.
So I think a lot of immigrants when they move,
you sort of take a hit
so that the next generation can have the life
that they want for their children.
So, yeah it's a tough thing coming to a place
where you might not speak the language,
and where your identity is not as valued.
I feel like it's sort of a tricky time
for immigrants in America.
Did you have, how old were you when you came here?
I was 18.
You were 18.
That's a very, I mean that's a very young formative age
to come here.
That must have been tricky.
Yeah it was, but again I was very lucky
in that my experience was
I came for college, so I was in a bubble.
I was cushioned, you know?
So my experience was not as difficult as it could've been,
so I feel very grateful.
But, yeah so these,
all these stories, I find them very inspirational,
and I think the,
I've always felt the people who sort of have,
it's a divisive issue obviously,
the issue of immigration,
and I feel like those people
who are anti-immigration, I'm like you were born here.
These people chose to come here.
They fought to be here.
In a way, they're more American.
I'm the most American man here is what I'm saying.
(audience laughs)
Doesn't really sound like a compliment.
Well, we're out of time.
(audience cheers)
I think that's fair.
I think that's...
(audience applauds)
Andy's from Switzerland.
(Andy laughs)
That's right, I'm all cheese.
(audience laughs)