[Disclaimer read by Future Trunks]
[Please keep these captions clean for deaf viewers. Funny extras can go in the English (Canada) subs. Ta!]
BULMA: Make sure to tell future me she raised you right.
TRUNKS: Oh, I've got a lot to tell you.
GOHAN: I'm gonna miss you, Trunks.
KRILLIN: Have a safe trip back to the future, McFly!
TRUNKS: Goodbye, everyone! I'll never forget you!
BULMA: See you in seventeen years, sweetie!
[TARDIS sounds from Trunks's time machine]
FUTURE BULMA: Hahaha! Suck on that wurst, Einstein!
Collapse that wave function all over your pasty German a--
Huh?
Trunks! Oh, you're back! Thank goodness you're...
BULMA: ...Everything go well?
TRUNKS: Hey, Mom! You ever meet Dad?
BULMA: (sigh)
Okay, look, love is complicated.
Seriously, how was I supposed to prepare you for a year alone with him?
I never even got a week.
TRUNKS: Mom, you didn't prepare me for a car ride to the grocery store with the man.
What did you see in him?
BULMA: A short, stubborn, powerful person desperate for recognition.
As a female scientist in her early 30s, I...
guess I identified with that.
TRUNKS: (sigh) I just wish I could have.
BULMA: Well, apparently you're his baby boy, so... he wasn't all bad, right?
TRUNKS: A revelation that came at the cost of my literal life.
Then again, considering the dysfunction of that whole group... maybe I'm not the worst off.
BULMA: Yeah. Because I raised you right.
TRUNKS: Oh, about that...
Before you found out I was your son, in the past...
...you might have made a pass at me.
BULMA: Well, duh.
TRUNKS: Mom!
BULMA: Hey, it's not my fault your dad's genetics and mine go along like chocolate and peanut butter.
TRUNKS: Is that why you used to call me your "little peanut butter cup"?
[radio static]
WOMBAT: This is Alpha Leader Wombat, coming at you live from Parsley City!
We've got our special guest, the Cyborgs, and they are *TEARING IT UP*!
Our radio lost five men, I'm running out of ammo and I'm holed up in the bank!
Looks like this will be ALW's last report!
Watch out, TJ, I'M COMING HOME, BROTHA!
[300 audio clip] "But tonight, we dine in he--!"
[radio cutoff]
TRUNKS: Perfect. Just saved me the effort of hunting them down.
BULMA: Be careful. I know you're stronger, but I don't want history repeating itself.
TRUNKS: Don't worry, Mom. I'll be back before that tea gets cold.
Actually, it's-- it's probably gonna take me a little while to get there, so...
BULMA: Right, so, want me to put in a thermos,
TRUNKS: You can just a-- BULMA: make more when you get back--
TRUNKS: You know, I'll just... I'll just finish it now.
CYBORG 18: [repeating short shouts and ki blast noises]
CYBORG 17: You know, sis, they say catharsis is actually bad for your health...
C18: And so is calling me a – quote – "hoe-bot" – end quote!
C17: I'd've gone with "ro-thot".
C18: I'm not even an android!
C17: Duh, since you're a girl, you'd obviously be a guynoid, which is funny considering "guy" isn't a...
[gunshot, ricocheting noise]
C17: Mother...
OLD MAN: (shocked gasp)
C17: Not a bad shot, pops.
Must be popular down at the shooting range.
I, on the other hand, have terrible aim.
I gotta get up real close, see?
So do me a favor. Sit still.
OLD MAN: If you're readin' this...
[gunshot]
Oh, right. "Gynoid". Like "gynecology". Huh.
It's obvious when I think about it.
TRUNKS: Get away from him!
I hope you got everything out of your wretched lives you wanted, because they end today!
Nobody else is going to...
Oh...
Probably could have microwaved that tea.
C17: Well well well. Hey there, Lilac! It's been a few weeks.
Surprised you're on your feet already! Also breathing.
C18: See, 17? This is what you get when you don't double-tap.
Also, does he look different to you?
C17: Yeah - ditched the sword, lost the jacket, plus you got *jacked*.
You must be crushing that 5-by-5.
Also, did you get a little taller?
C18: Jesus Christ, swipe right already!
C17: Pretty sure he's more your type.
C18: No thanks. I'm into shorter men.
C17: Sis, watch out--!
C18: GODDAMN CHEAPSHOTTING ASSHOLE!
Now, it's too bad you left that sword at home...
...'cause now I'm going to have to do what comes next with my bare hands!
C17: Is this a bad time to point out his specific choice in shirt?
TRUNKS: You know, it's funny and a little bit sad.
You two Androids didn't have to turn out like this. The ones I met in the--
CYBORG 17: Hold up, did you call us "Androids"? That's offensive.
CYBORG 18: Again with this shit?
TRUNKS: Oh, right. They called you "Androids" in the past.
C17: "The past"? What, did you time-travel?
TRUNKS: Uh... yeah.
C18: Wait, when was that? Shouldn't we remember you?
TRUNKS: How about this...
If I don't kill you in the next minute, I'll give you an explanation.
C17: Trust me, wife-beater...
By the time we're done with you, we won't need one.
C18: Wait a second! That's what you meant by his choice in shirt? Jesus, dude!
C17: What, are you kidding?
I put a bullet in some dude's gray matter not two minutes ago and that's what's got you offended?
C18: Wait--
C17: Any chance that I could talk you out of this?
TRUNKS: What was my Master's name?
C17: Huh?
TRUNKS: The man who taught me. The man whose arm you took.
The man *you killed*.
*What was his name*?
C17: Goooo.... ku Junior...?
TRUNKS: Wrong answer!
BULMA: You really think he's going to take the bait?
TRUNKS: I'm pretty sure I have a corpse in another timeline that says: yes, he will.
Now stick to the script, Mom.
BULMA: Jeez, morbid.
Ahem...
[Whimsical music] Alright, son!
Time to take this *time machine* back to the *past*,
where there are *two living CYBORGS* for you to help Goku defeat!
TRUNKS: Thanks, Mom!
I can't wait to save all those juicy fat people in the past
from those CYBORGS with this TIME MACHINE!
BULMA: Make sure to write!
[Bulma laughing]
[Bulma and Trunks laughing]
[Cell entering noisily] [Bulma and Trunks laughing]
[Whimsical music ends] TRUNKS: Huh?
[Whimsical music ends] BULMA: What?
Oh shit, is that him?
You know, you never told me he was green, but I imagined he was green.
TRUNKS: Mom...
BULMA: He's looking right at us. Does he...
Does he know I can see him?
CELL: (hungry growl)
BULMA: Is his vision based on movement?
TRUNKS: Mom! Script!
[Whimsical music] BULMA: Alright, son! I'm going to make dinner!
It'll be done by the time you get back!
[Whimsical music ends]
TRUNKS: Alright, tall dark and bugly. I know you're there.
CELL: No, you don't; this is an ambush--
...Ooooh.
TRUNKS: Also, I know you're here to kill me and take my time machine, so let's skip the monologue.
Also, you killing me.
CELL: Nahh, but that's the fun part!
And unfortunately, I seem to be missing two... vital pieces.
So, I'm gonna need that time machine so I can--
TRUNKS: --go back in the past and absorb the Cyborgs--
CELL: --to achieve my--
TRUNKS: --perfect form.
CELL: Okay, you suck. You are sucking all the fun out of this!
I'm the only one who sucks here, boy--!
That came out wrong.
TRUNKS: Nah, sounds right to me.
BULMA: Seriously, whose DNA made him look like he stepped into a teleporter with Jeff Goldblum?
CELL: How... how do you know all this?
TRUNKS: Because... someone once told me...
...Multiverse theory is a bitch.
CELL: Okay, I feel like you're referencing something, and I don't get it, and that's not fair.
So I'm really gonna need that time machine now, so I can just go back and redo this whole conversation.
TRUNKS: Sorry, Cell. You already got your way once.
CELL: Wait, "Cell"? Is that my name?
Oh man, that's way better than the name I came up with!
I was thinking...
"Jiren".
Yeah, see, I though it was boring too.
TRUNKS: I hope you're prepared to meet your maker... in Hell!
Because I'm pretty sure that's where Dr. Gero is.
CELL: Ohohoho. You think you're cute?!
TRUNKS: Bitch...
...I'm adorable.
CELL: Boy howdy, kids. Looks like your old friend Cell's in quite a sticky wicket.
Whatever should he do?
Use the Kamehameha? Good idea!
CELL: Kaaa... meee...
TRUNKS: HAAAAAAA!
CELL: Letmefinish!
TRUNKS: GET OUT OF MY F***ING TIMELINE!
[♪ Frank Sinatra - "My Way" ♪]
CELL: ♪ And now... the end is near-- ♪
AH GODDAMMIT!! SHIIIII...!!
TRUNKS: 'It's over.'
'After everything, this feels...'
'this feels...'
'...anticlimact--'
BULMA: So, truth be told, I never really got to know your father that well.
He and I shared one night of passion after he came back to Earth.
TRUNKS: Mom, you--
BULMA: And unfortunately, he didn't know what "protection" meant!
TRUNKS: I really don't need to know this!
BULMA: But after that first time, I just thought:
"Well, in for a penny, in for a pounding."
TRUNKS: [disgusted, nervous] Aaaaaahhhh...
BULMA: And I really was!