Why does my ex contact me and then disappear?
That's we're going to be talking about today and we're also going to be giving you a little
bit of a strategy that you can use if this is happening for you.
But first, my name is Clay with Modernlove.life, where we help you get the great loving relationship
that you're looking for without having to play hard to get, without having to play mind
games and without having to pretend to be someone or something that you are not because
you deserve to be loved for the unique, amazing and wonderful person that you are.
And if you agree with me, do me a favor by smashing that like button and by subscribing
to the channel, if you're new here.
Also, I wanted to let you know that we do have that new training program out called
Connect and Commit.
You can find out more about that in the description box down below.
I also want to let that we've updated some of the links down in our description boxes,
at least from here, moving out into the future.
A lot of people have asked about coaching, stuff like that.
I wanted to let that we do have that option.
It's down below as well.
Again, not trying to fill up my calendar to talk to a million people or anything like
that.
It's kind of priced accordingly to sort of limit the number of people that I talked to
because I'm a busy guy and there's definitely other things that I have going on, so just
kind of understand that.
But if it's something that you're interested in, check it out down below.
If it's not no big deal, let's just get into this video.
Why does your ex contact you and then disappear?
This happens.
This happens from time to time and there can be a lot of things that could cause them to
do this.
Perhaps in the moment they're in a certain mood, maybe they're kind of missing you to
a certain degree, maybe with all the things that are happening right now, they're just
kind of wondering about you.
They're wondering what's going on.
They're wondering how you're holding up.
They're wondering if you're safe and healthy and everything like that.
And so maybe they pick up their phone and they just decide to message you or call you,
or something like that.
And then later on when you actually get the message and then respond to it, reply to it,
call them back, whatever, that mood has kind of passed and they're kind of thinking, "Oh,
maybe it wasn't a good idea to message you.
Maybe I'm not ready.
Maybe I just don't feel prepared to be in contact with you right now."
And so they're second guessing it or maybe they still want to, but they're just not ready
in that moment.
They're just not emotionally ready in that moment to be talking to you.
Oftentimes, people have this belief that they need everything to be perfect and in place
before they're willing to do something.
Whether that's something big like, start a business or start a new diet or do something
else like that.
Or whether it's something small, like just having a phone call or just texting someone
back.
And so maybe you've just caught them at a time when they didn't feel emotionally ready.
I don't really believe that you need to wait for everything to be perfect personally, but
still a lot of people have that issue and that could be what your ex is going through.
And so you might just want to give them a little bit of space to get back to you when
you reply to them or when you call them back or when you initiate contact.
But what I'd recommend that you do if you don't hear back from them shortly after that
is what we call closing the loop.
We talk about that over in Connect and Commit.
Again, link info for that is down below in the description for this video.
That might be something to do initially.
And then if you notice that this is more of a recurring pattern, you might want to call
them out on it.
You might want to call them out on the dynamic that's happening, much like what I talked
about in the previous video that we did on testing you, you can go ahead and check that
out up there.
If that's something that you missed or if you want to maybe review that to see how it
applies to this situation.
You might want to consider calling them out on that situation so that you can kind of
bring light to it and help them to move forward.
That's what I'd recommend that you do if your ex's calling you, texting you something like
that and then when you get back to them they just kind of vanish and disappear.
There's something happening on an emotional level that's driving them to do that.
There's something that's happening emotionally within them and this is most likely a riding
the dragon kind of scenario or potentially a test drive kind of scenario.
We have that whole playlist on the five emotional stages that your ex goes through.
If this is new to you or if you need a refresher, check it out up there.
But your ex is having this fleeting moment where the positive memories of you or the
thought of interacting with you seems more appealing than not being in contact with you.
They're picking up the phone, they're texting you, they're calling you, they're doing something.
And of course, because you're out there doing stuff, you may not be there in the moment
to pick up the phone call or text them back right then and there.
Maybe that mood passes and then in that however long it was, a few minutes, hour, several
hours, day, whatever, perhaps the emotion shifted from being mostly positive towards
maybe mostly negative.
Maybe they started to remember the bad things about the time that you had together and maybe
they started to reconsider it or something like that.
And this happens, especially at riding the dragon.
A lot of people have a really hard time emotionally with that riding the dragon stage of getting
back together.
And so just understand that this might happen.
This might give you a little bit of an idea about what's going on with your ex that could
cause them to do that.
I say that this could also potentially be test drive as well too because your ex and
you may not be in full contact with one another and they might contact you in sort of a really
curt sort of way.
And this is quite common, especially because a lot of times people don't feel comfortable
opening up and sharing a whole lot of themselves at the beginning of a conversation.
They often just do it in a really sort of curt, to the point, short sort of thing where
they're just like, "Hey, what's up?"
Or, "Hey, how are you doing?"
Or , :I was thinking about something the other day," or just something kind of not very transparent,
not very vulnerable like that.
But once they feel a little bit more comfortable interacting with you, that's when they start
to be more engaged in having a more meaningful conversation.
So that's why I'm saying it could potentially be test drive as well too.
But when this happens, understand that it's probably indicative that your ex is feeling
a little bit confused.
They're feeling a little bit torn about how to respond to you because there is definitely
that positive part of them that's kind of pulling them towards you.
But there's also a little bit of a negative memory that's causing them to want to pull
away and to honestly disappear right now.
It's not to say that they're overtly testing you, but they're just kind of being controlled
and motivated by this feeling of confusion, by this feeling of sometimes feeling drawn
towards you, sometimes feeling like they should create more distance.
And what you can do is, number one, make sure that they feel comfortable interacting with
you by leading with vulnerability, by definitely closing the loop if you need to, by doing
things like that.
And then number two, if this starts to continue and it becomes more of a pattern, then you
want to call them out on this so they become aware of what they're doing, so they become
conscious to the dynamic that's unfolding between the two of you.
And so that you can actually start to talk about that in a meaningful way.
Like I mentioned in that last video, you want to collapse that divergence between what's
happening and what the two of you are pretending is happening so you can actually talk about
what's real, get refocused on what's real rather than just the reality veering off over
here and both of you just kind of pretending that you're going in this direction, right?
We want to get real about what's happening, talk about it, clear it up, clean it up, all
of that stuff, if we need to.
That way, we don't have to worry about this kind of dynamic happening in the future and
we can start to build a better connection with your ex so that when they feel like texting
you, the two of you can actually talk about whatever they want to talk about or if you
feel like texting them, you can hopefully reliably expect them to respond to you in
a reasonable amount of time.
Whatever that might be for them, their lifestyle, their career, what's going on in their life,
what's going on in all of our lives these days with the current situation that I can't
overtly talk about for fear of YouTube censorship.
But yeah, that's what I'd recommend that you, if your ex is texting you but then disappears.
Yeah, once again we have links down below for interesting things that you might find
helpful in your situation.
Connect & Commit is probably a good starting point for most people if this is your first
time working with me, working with us, working with the Modern Love team.
If you are interested in coaching, there's a link for that down below.
Just know that it's going to be priced to the point that my calendar will not be overwhelmed.
I'm also not going to directly mention the price right here because I don't know when
you're watching this video, I might have to change my rates at some point in the future
and if this is some video that you're watching years from now when I upload it, I want to
make sure that the prices are accurate, so I'm not going to directly tell you that.
But yeah, thanks so much for watching.
If you like what we're doing here, make sure you hit that thumbs up button.
Subscribe the channel, if you are not already subscribed and you may want to check out this
series over here on texting your ex or you might want to check out this video over here,
but thank you so much.
Stay safe, stay healthy and I will talk to you in the next video.
Please take care.