-Thank you for being here, Nathan Lane.
-It's so nice to be here, James DeSantis-Fallon.
It's so good to see you.
And may I say, the Ozempic is doing wonders for your figure.
-[ Laughs ] Thank you.
-You have the taut physique of a Lindsey Graham pool boy.
How many Kegels are you up to now?
You know, I love doing your show,
because of all the late-night shows,
yours is the closest cab ride from my apartment.
-Oh, that's so sweet. That's so nice of you.
-But you astound me.
You're a talk-show host, a game-show host,
a children's book author.
Let me ask you a question. Are things okay at home?
Seriously. -Yes.
-I am so thrilled to spend my one night off talking to you
and then performing later with Lil Uzi Vert.
-Wait.
-Because, as you know, we always travel together,
because I sing a lil backup for lil, but just a lil.
-Just a lil?
Just a lil. -Yeah.
-Yeah, I was trying to remember the last time we saw each other.
-I believe the last time we hung out was
Nick Cannon's 40th...baby shower?
[ Laughter ]
-That's exactly -- That's exactly right.
-No, wait. No, wait. I saw you last week.
You were out protesting Trump's impending indictment.
-That's right. Yes.
-Yes, you had you had that lovely tailored
"Let's Go, Brandon" T-shirt.
But speaking of Trump, you know,
I was recently hired to become his new legal adviser.
Hear me out.
You know, they were looking for a very friendly TV lawyer,
and then they heard I had won a Tony Award
for playing Trump's favorite lawyer,
Roy Cohn, in "Angels in America,"
so they thought I'd be perfect.
That and everybody else said, "Not a chance in hell."
-But do you know anything about the law?
-No, but neither does Rudy Giuliani,
so what does it matter?
Look, believe me, I tried to say no,
but my goodness, that Mar-a-Lago has one hell of a waffle bar.
-Oh, is that right? -Yeah.
And, look, it's not too bad working for Trump,
although, occasionally, I do have
to jiggle some keys in his face
like a cat to get his attention.
-Yeah.
-I feel sorry for him, actually,
because, you know, just before the authorities busted in,
Melania turned to him and said,
"You know what?
I'm finally in the mood."
-[ Laughs ] What a bummer.
-It's not looking good for Trump, though.
I've already asked to borrow Harvey Weinstein's
sympathy walker, and I'm giving him some
prison survival tips, because, as you know,
I did a stint in Rikers in the '80s
for stealing a French baguette for a big fondue party.
-[ Laughs ] Oh, my goodness.
-Hey, but I'm really feeling like Trump's lawyer,
mainly because he hasn't paid me.
[ Cheers and applause ]
-Wow. Well, no, get over here. Come on.
♪♪ No. No, don't leave.
No. No, no. Wait.
No, we're not done. We're not done.
We're not done. No, we're not done.
Wow! Nathan Lane. [ Cheers and applause ]
-Oh! -Come on!
-Who comes out, who brings it like you bring it?
And you're -- I'm happy because you're a busy, busy man.
-I'm so busy. -You are.
-You actually told me you're going to attend
King Charles' coronation.
-Oh, yeah. Chuck and I go way back.
-"Chuck."
-Because we were chums at the
Pemberley Finishing School for Sophisticated Boys.
-That's a hard school to get into.
-Oh, yeah, very hard school to get into.
You know... [ Laughter ]
You know, I am thrilled about going to the coronation
because I haven't been in Buckingham Palace
since I was a referee for one of the queen's
underground corgi fights.
-Oh, I've heard of about those.
-Oh, those were brutal.
-Yeah, I heard about those. -Yeah.
-I wanted to say congrats to you, in all seriousness,
in all honesty, because you won an Emmy Award --
and well-deserved -- for "Only Murders in the Building."
[ Cheers and applause ] -Yes. Thank you.
Thank you. -Well-deserved.
-Well, thank you.
Yes, I -- yes, I became the most Emmy-nominated
guest actor in history and finally won
the big-boy Primetime Emmy.
-Wow.
-I -- Technically, it's not my first Emmy.
I do have two Daytime Emmys,
but, as you know, they're filled with chocolate
and not taken quite as seriously.
But, you know, as you also know,
because you've beaten me in this category,
they give out the guest-actor awards
at the Creative Arts ceremony the week before.
And having lost six times, I was hesitant to fly
all the way to Los Angeles and lose again.
And everybody told me, "Don't go.
Wait and see if you win, and if you do,
you'll be invited to the 'real Emmys'
and they'll introduce you as the guest-actor winner
and you'll get to present an award
to someone who's obviously more important than you
because they're getting their award on television."
-Wow.
-So I said, "Yeah, yeah, that's what I'm going to do."
So I didn't go.
I finally won the award this year,
they did away with that tradition,
and I wasn't invited to the ceremony.
[ Laughter ]
-Yeah! That's the best. -Yeah.
So, my Emmy win was a closely guarded secret,
right up there with Ron DeSantis'
OnlyFans password.
-Yeah. I wanted to talk to you about this,
"Pictures from Home."
You're on Broadway. -Oh, yeah.
-Oh, I mean, gosh, you're the best.
This is your 25th play?
-Yes, it's my -- Five more and I'm up for parole.
No, this is a beautiful play by Sharr White called
"Pictures from Home."
It's a very funny, very moving play
directed by Bartlett Sher and starring the brilliant
Danny Burstein and Zoe Wanamaker.
It's based on this extraordinary photo memoir
by the celebrated photographer Larry Sultan,
who, for a period of 10 years,
photographed his parents and interviewed them.
And the play is about the last two years of that process.
And the audiences have been loving it.
I'm sure you'll come see it once Marty Short takes over for me.
[ Laughter ]
But, as you know, it's, yes, my 25th Broadway play.
It was worth it
just to get that 10% discount at Sardi's.
-Did they give you 10%? -Yeah, they do.
I would put the brakes on and work less,
but, as you know, I have a crippling gambling addiction.
-Oh. -I bet on corgi fights.
-Oh, yeah, I know. I heard about this.
I heard about this. -Yes.
-Now, if this wasn't enough, though,
you have a film opening up April 21st.
-Oh, yes. This is big.
-"Beau is Afraid" starring Joaquin Phoenix.
-Yes.
-They just put the poster online,
and it went viral on Twitter and the socials.
People are excited about this movie.
-Let me just say, "Cocaine Bear" it's not.
-Wow! Yeah. Thank you for clearing that up.
-This is more in the art-house genre.
It is a masterful piece
of filmmaking by the brilliant Ari Aster,
who gave us "Hereditary" and "Midsommar," also for A24.
And I've been -- -How was Joaquin?
-Oh, Joaquin is brilliant. -Yeah, he's great.
-You know, he's just,
I think, the finest actor working in films today.
And I like to call it the Jewish
"Everything Everywhere All at Once."
-Oh, wow.
-Because it's an epic tale of guilt and codependency,
the story of my life.
It is one man's surreal,
nightmarish odyssey to get home to see his mother.
I would call it Kafkaesque,
but then I'd have to explain Kafka,
and we'd be here all night.
-Yeah, thank you. I appreciate that.
-But it's an unbelievable piece of work
by Ari and Joaquin.
And, you know, it's funny.
He and I -- Joaquin -- we really hit it off,
although we have very different sensibilities.
You know, he's very intense, and I'm just tense.
But he thought I was funny,
so every time we did a take, you know, he would say,
"I can't look you directly in the eyes or I'll break up."
So just know that in every close-up and in a scene with me,
he's just looking directly at my nose.
-I cannot wait to see it.
I'm so happy every single time to see you.
You're a gentleman and you're one of the best.
One of the best ever to do it. Nathan Lane, everybody.
"Beau is Afraid" opens April 21st.
Dove Cameron joins us after the break.
Stick around, everybody.