so what's the difference between intellectual intelligence and emotional
intelligence now there are actually eight different intelligences that have
been categorized but today we're going to be looking at emotional intelligence
specifically the book written by daniel goleman so why is emotional intelligence
so important
well you can tell the difference between a robotic person who knows a lot but
they have very little emotions and a charismatic intellectual who seems to
move a whole audience and you can also tell it in the bank account friends and
love lives as well in fact Daniel Goleman says that those who have just
enough IQ to get into a decent university but have a stellar eq for the
ones who rake in the most cash
so how can you develop your EQ and what can you do to cultivate it so there are
five areas of growth you can work on to increase your EQ score developed by
daniel goleman i'm going to go over some topics that revolve around them and how
you can work on increasing your emotional intelligence today so the
first is self-awareness the second is managing emotions
the third is self motivation which personally this is an area i can work on
the fourth is empathy and the fifth is handling relationships so the first big
topic we're going to go into today is called the ventilation fallacy
so there's a stereotypical thought in modern society that to get over your
feelings or anger or something like that
we must talk about them and this helps to some degree to cognitively think
about your subconscious feelings but venting does not help yelling ranting
typing up essays over bitterness flipping someone off cesspools of poison
as a status update or any other for inventing method are according to
Daniel's theory wrong and technically make the situation worse see venting
when you're angry prolongs your feelings and doesn't help stop them
Goldman and many other studies have proven this I think venting when you're
sad is ok because it's a great way to find out why you're sad and thus you can
make the changes you need to to not be sad anymore when you're angry
there's usually not much cognitive thinking and it's usually mostly just
emotional lizard brain thinking that happens to cause problems down the road
so try not to vent the next topic we're going to go over is to try not to
ruminate over things instead try to find distractions so in high school I used to
be very self-conscious about the things i'd say to other people like was i funny
to did I sound smart
these meant a lot to me when I was in high school and I thought about them a
lot
eventually I started a new hobby i started weightlifting now this little
hobby lasted for probably four to six months but I lifted good and almost
every single day and this was a great distraction but it also built up my
physical stature which physiologically made me more confident so i distracted
myself about what i would say $PERCENT by weight lifting
it's kind of hard to explain but my confidence increased and I didn't worry
about as much of what i said i know some people do with depression and negative
thoughts every day
in fact I dare to say lots of people do and there's a way around this because
I've been there and I know the environments and thoughts and fears and
pain they only sell feed and they grow and it's hard to get out of so negative
thoughts keep you in the negative mindset and just like the confirmation
bias they will confirm your sad feelings
according to the availability virus things that you ruminate on things that
you're constantly thinking about will stick around easier and they won't go
away on their own so you need to fill your head with new ideas instead get
some hope by starting a business gain some confidence by working out do
something physically active to distract your brain and raise it to a higher
energy level it can be done
you just have to have the motivation to do it which is also very important to
emotional intelligence and like willpower can be strengthened over time
so the next big topic is going to be self motivation so self motivation is
obviously closely tied to full power and you can cultivate it most of the time
passion will drive you to do something so find that find something that you
have passionate and you'll likely have tons of self motivation for me at times
it has been web development playing with lasers weightlifting and now it's making
awesome helpful videos so the important thing to this is you have to be very
self-aware you have to know what you can do to motivate yourself
I'm gonna go into a little subcategory most people are motivated by one of four
things they all start within money mating momentum or mastery of course
money as material things and gaining wealth mating is sexual or romantic
desire and this helps if you want to lose weight weight lift or get in better
shape momentum is basically freedom doing what you want where you want and
always growing for me this channels momentum is huge i love waking up and
seeing 300 new subscribers or a couple facebook messages about how I have
changed someone's life
it drives me to make more videos knowing are making a difference in so many lives
in the last is mastery which is basically status and being able to tell
others you're a great leader or you know how to program and eight programming
languages or speaking 14 or you're in 8th degree black belt find what
motivates you and use it to your advantage
so if you've never heard of the marshmallow story i'm going to sum it up
pretty quickly
basically they take a whole bunch of little four-year-olds and bring them
into this room and they give them two options one they can eat the marshmallow
right now or two they can wait until the researcher gets back and have two
marshmallows and they actually videotape this study so they did after it probably
15-20 years they started and they went back to these people and they were
trying to figure out the people that waited and got the two marshmallows and
they practice delayed gratification were they more successful when they found was
the after graduation waiting having this ability to delay gratification was a
better predictor than IQ of their s80 scores it is also a huge factor of
emotional intelligence and future success so there's also studies that say
you can strengthen your willpower and your ability to delay gratification just
like a muscle and also that it gets week throughout the day and the more you use
it also like a muscle so the next topic I'd like to go over is that emotions are
contagious so there was this study where they took a volunteer with a high energy
level that is they were super excited pumped up exuberant and they put him
with another volunteer with a low energy level as they were almost depressed and
they set them in a room for a couple minutes to talk before they talk they
fill out a form giving them a qualitative review of their moods a
couple minutes later and magic happen
they gave the form back to both people and what they realized was that most
people then stay the same energy level in fact in most cases the high energy
level was transferred to the low-energy person which means that if you're in a
slump or right and you can't seem to get happy or excited about life start
hanging around people with lots of energy lots of drive lots of people who
are ambitious and happy about life because it's contagious
on the other hand if you see one of your friends in the dumps do them a favor and
help them out
start spending more time around them so the next topic is going to be empathy so
empathy is the ability to feel and react to the emotions of others
now this is a requirement for being a great leader and you must know what
motivates other people and how to pick
one up effectively when they're in a rut so knowing other people's feelings
especially if you know them better than they do will give you an edge and you'll
be perceived as highly intelligent in any field but the best advice I can give
you is a talk to lots of people about their feelings on an emotional level and
finding out how they take the last topic we're going to talk about is managing
relationships and this topic is kind of hard to go into in this video so if you
want to check out my other videos also check out Gary Vaynerchuk videos he had
some amazing videos on managing relationships and empathy go check them
out and i hope you guys enjoyed this video and learn something from it if you
didn't smash that like button below thank you for watching and subscribe for
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