(adult coughing)
(hand thumping)
- I mean, sure.
That's a way to start.
Hello, hi.
So, I'm ill, as you can tell.
Welcome back to my bed.
It's been an interesting couple of weeks.
Really?
Now we move.
(coughs)
Okay, I have been struck down with a lung infection
that has just kind of kept coming,
kept coming, kept smacking me in the face.
The face?
It's an odd way to say that.
Kept smacking me in the chest, really?
Hasn't it?
It's kind of disgusting.
I'd like to describe it now as a painfully,
shard like, ice sculpture living inside of my chest.
That when I breathe, both on the in and out breath,
now stabs me and makes me do a weird cough
that sometimes is croaky and I sound like a frog.
As a result, the video I had planned this week,
has not happened.
Neither has my trip to Philanthia,
which was gonna happen.
I went to go and see Cly and Evelina
and meet lovely baby Atlas.
No, no, I'm in bed and I asked on Instagram,
the Q and A sticker, some questions to do in this video.
I bless you lovely people of my Instagram followers
and if you're not following me on Instagram already,
you can do that.
It's @jessicaoutofthecloset.
So I've posted this question and mainly got back just,
"No question Jessica sending love."
Which is very sweet, thank you.
But also, "Jessica, how are you looking so good?"
Jessica, "How are you doing so well
for someone with a lung infection?"
And this left me befuzzled because I am not.
I am not.
(coughs)
So I thought it was important that we come
to the topic of today's video,
Don't measure me by my good days.
A chronic illness topic that applies in so many ways,
to everything really, and to everyone.
Especially in the age of social media.
We think that what we are able to see
of a person exemplifies everything that there is about them.
Wow.
Dream holistic daycare, yes.
What you're able to see of me
will be how I'm doing that week.
Like right now, for instance, look at me.
Sat up, talking, looking not disgusting.
I just got changed into some fresh pajamas for you.
So, you are very welcome.
Yes, washed my hair.
Not for this specifically.
- [Claudia] Did you or did I?
- Sorry, if you missed that.
(coughing)
Claudia just said, "Did you or did I?"
Burn, absolute burn!
- [Claudia] It's not a burn.
I'm just saying, I would like credit for washing your hair.
- Credit where credit's due.
Claudia washed my hair.
My point is, this is a high point of my week, right here.
It's very easy to take what we see,
a snapshot of a person,
and think that that's how they're doing.
I always remember that when I would go,
when I was really ill as a teenager,
but going to school because obviously I could only go
to school when I was well enough to go to school
and then I'd drop in in a class
for an hour 'cause my classes are an hour long,
manage an hour, and they'd be like,
"Oh well, if you seem fine for this hour,
if you can do this, why can't you do the whole day?"
And like this is not how, how is this the same?
Managing this one small period of time,
does not mean I can do this more, and more.
This is not, not the same.
Being able to pick up one pebble
does not mean you can pick up a bolder, sir.
Alright, break from talking.
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I don't even need glasses.
I just saw them on Instagram.
I may have been in bed a bit long.
My point being, please, it would break my heart
if anyone was judging themselves against me and thinking,
(coughing)
I can't do what Jessica can do.
Am I not good enough?
Am I not trying hard enough?
Please do not.
You obviously, like, you only see my high points,
what I'm able to do, right?
You only see when I'm able to sit up,
talk, make a video, film, and then put it out.
(coughing)
Not when I can't do that.
And I sometimes feel the same way watching other YouTubers
or Instagramers who I know have disabilities
or chronic illnesses and think,
"My gosh, I know that they're struggling
with so much and they're able to do this, this, and this."
Especially ones who are parents now.
Because my goodness, having a baby really does,
I mean what free time?
What's this?
What's that?
Time in itself.
Just the idea of it, unsure, unsure.
And I think how do people do these wonderful things
and still struggle with health problems?
They manage to do it, why can't I?
And of course, it isn't like that
because you're only seeing what it is
they're able to put out and produce.
My sharing only happens on my good days
and I feel like it's rare.
So one video a week and I'm only able to do that with help.
So, like right now, like her saying,
only able to be here 'cause, you know,
Claudia put me in the bath.
Thanks darling.
Washed my hair, did a great job.
(coughing)
She set up this camera,
(coughing)
and the tripod,
(coughing)
and Clara's gonna edit it.
Thanks, Clara.
(coughing)
Sorry.
So, when you are sat in bed,
it's very tempting just to start going through your phone,
scrolling on the Instagram.
Interior reels.
I feel like I don't post very much on Instagram
but my friends say I do,
until of course I point it out that I haven't like posted
in two weeks and I do it really sporadically.
But it's just that it really sticks out to them.
It's very difficult, I find, to look on Instagram and be,
I find it like a place of inspiration
but at the same time somehow very demoralizing.
'Cause you're like, "Wow, that's amazing and wonderful.
I love that photograph.
I wish I could do something like that."
But what we have to remember is, of course,
that Instagram is only everyone's best work.
And in our day to day lives,
with our actual friends and family who aren't
like taking amazing photos, they're only putting
out their best stuff, the best things happening.
They're not taking photos
of the sad, sad moments, necessarily.
Well not even the sad moments, just the boring things.
The boring every day things.
In bed, again, still got this lung infection
for the third week, fourth week,
don't know many weeks it's been now.
That type of thing.
And that's why it's important that we share these things
and also, that we find people to follow
who do share things like that
because it's about not only feeling alone in bed,
but not feeling like it's, so,
below everything else?
I can't even like play the Sims for instance
because that involves,
(coughs)
outwards.
But it's easier to passively take things in
and it's nice just to be able to look at other creators
and see things they've made that aren't super high energy
or see them doing things, having fun,
in ways that aren't super high energy.
I like that.
Of course, even if you don't have a chronic illness
that keeps you in bed all the time,
being faced with perfection every day is not good for you.
Like Claudia, for instance and her tidy home issues,
she won't mind me sharing this
but she has a bit of a cleaning,
bit of a cleaning thing, bit of a thing for it.
And whenever she sees tidy homes on Instagram accounts,
she's like, convinced, that they must be that clean
and that tidy all the time.
But the real truth of it is they're not,
it's just that every time they take
the pictures they tidy up first.
But we assume, of course,
that because whenever we see a photo of it,
it's clean and tidy, it must always be clean and tidy.
Where am I going with this Claudia?
(coughing)
Yes.
My point was that we all need to be less judgemental,
- [Claudia] To ourselves.
- To ourselves, and also to other people as well
because we are judging other people by their good days.
We are measuring other people by their good days
and assuming that it's always like that and it's not.
But we do the same with bad days, too.
If someone is rude to us, we assume they must
be a rude person rather than thinking
that maybe they're having a bad day.
So really, what we need to be doing
is that good old chestnut.
- [Claudia] I've been listening to a book.
- Did you just cut short my inspirational sentence?
- [Claudia] Oh sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry.
- You did!
No come, give yours.
She was all like, "I'm not going to be in this video."
- So I've been listening to a, well I was listening
to Fearne Cotton's Happy Place podcast,
which I really love 'cause she talks
about all these sort of like things
and how social media can be quite like triggering
to make us question ourself worth and things like that.
It's not like slagging off social media,
it's just that's a fact isn't it?
That we live in this world that we have a lot
of that kind of imagery and expectation
and perfection placed upon us all.
But I've been reading this book
that was written by Dr. Pippa Grange,
which was one of her guests
and a really good podcast to listen to.
And the book is called "Fear Less."
And one of the points she makes,
one of the sort of main points about it,
is that we unfortunately live in a world
that's too much like dog eat dog.
Like we feel like we have to better one another,
above each other.
We take some kind of pleasure
when we see people struggling when we're not
or we find pride when we've done better than someone else.
And actually that's completely the wrong mentality
and it's a societal problem that we all have,
especially in this western world with technology and so on.
And actually we should be considering it more about
like just being an exchange of experience with each other.
Like, what you're doing right now,
you're exchanging an experience that someone else
can connect with rather than,
"Oh look, I'm having the perfect day
and you're probably not."
Or, "Oh, I'm having the perfect day
and I'm just like those other people that I love."
You know?
And I just thought that was interesting.
- That really connected with me with the idea
that there are two groups of people.
I think about student loans.
The type who are like, "Well, I had student loan
and I suffered. So therefore, everyone else who goes
to University should get students loans
and suffer just as I did and come out the other side."
And then there're the people who think,
"Well, I had student loans and they were awful.
So I don't want anyone else to have them either."
- The way we've been hardwired in our brains
through probably centuries, if not longer.
- No, I think we can train ourselves.
- Well, like I think so too.
- And then to the idea we can train future generations.
- I think we can train ourselves
but it's just you need to like shift the thought.
- I think most of the people that I know
from like our generation and younger,
you fall into that second cup.
Do you think that's an age thing or a generation thing?
As in, as we age, we'd stay the same way.
- Oh I see.
I think it's a generational thing 'cause generation,
you're affected by politics and culture
and everything around you,
like that's what affects your opinions more than age.
It's not like something I'm gonna hit 50
and have different opinions to what I have now.
- Yeah.
- I would think.
- Well then, surely, if we think like this
we can raise our children to think differently.
- Yes, indeed.
I highly commend that you're sharing a video
like this even though you feel really rubbish.
- I do.
- You're probably making someone else feel great.
(cymbal clangs)
- Yay, I know.
I really hope so.
I hope there's at least one person who feels a bit better.
(coughing)
- Oh gosh.
- Sorry.
- There's this little bit,
I think they talked about it in it about like,
you know, for instance, if you go to like a class
and you think, "God," before you go you're like,
"Oh I dunno what everyone's gonna be like there like,
are they all gonna be like really good?
Am I gonna be like the obvious beginner
or like am I gonna be the least flexible person?
The least like fast, whatever this class is."
You know?
- Yeah. What class is this?
- I was thinking more like yoga.
- To start with I thinking it was an art class.
- Maybe I smile at someone and they've had a bad day
and suddenly that's made it better.
- I always think about that.
- There's all these little,
- Like sliding doors type things.
- Yeah, there's like tiny little things
and like, you know, rather than thinking like,
- Twists of fate.
- All better and worse and achievements and failures.
Just think of it like, just being, and being present.
I mean that's really sucks right now.
You're like I don't wanna be here,
- Yeah.
- And be present in my illness.
- Yeah, I'm really gonna faint.
It's quite painful to be honest.
- I'm going to go now.
I will be still here.
- Okay.
- [Claudia] That was my piece.
- Thanks.
I appreciate you, love you.
- [Claudia] You're gonna get it tattooed on your leg?
- No.
Oh my God!
Anyone else watching Married at First Sight UK?
So, I guess what I'm trying to say is,
not to judge yourself against other people.
That other people should not be judging you
by your good days and ignoring your bad ones either
'cause that was never good.
Share your bad days with other people.
Help them to understand you,
what you're going through,
what you struggle with.
I need to do that more.
I'm not very good at sharing my actual bad days
and I should be much kinder to myself.
Yes, no measuring against other people.
New household rule, includes you, Claudia,
and your tidy kitchen.
- [Claudia] There are worse...
- Wiping the surfaces.
- [Claudia] There are worse addictions
than wiping kitchen countertops.
- There are definitely worse addictions
than wiping kitchen countertops.
It's true.
I hope this video has made someone feel good today.
And I'm glad that I did some sharing.
Some, there you go, some honest, honest sharing.
Don't forget, what?
- [Claudia] I was gonna say, "Hey don't judge me."
- You we're gonna say, "Hey don't judge me."
They're very nice people.
- [Claudia] It's a joke 'cause,
- Oh it's a joke.
(crosstalk)
Oh, it's a joke because the takeaways not to judge.
All right, don't mind her.
And don't forget, if you need something else
to watch on the internet, Surfshark.
Click the link in the description.
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You're welcome.
Subscribe if you haven't already.
Also congrats making it through the video.
I'm going to go not lie down 'cause I can't lie down.
Just prop myself up and stop talking.
- [Claudia] And watch more "House of the Dragon!"
- "House of the Dragon!"
(second speaker hums theme song)
- [Claudia] Bye.
- I don't even wear glasses.
(upbeat music)