Are you getting ready to leave a narcissist?
By the end of this video, you'll know exactly what to do to prepare so that you can set
yourself up for success in actually leaving that narcissist.
Hi, I'm Rebecca Zung, top 1% attorney and the bestselling author of the books, Negotiate
Like You M.A.T.T.E.R. and Breaking Free, A Step-by-Step Divorce Guide and I've helped
thousands of people go from lives of drama, trauma, and chaos to step into lives of freedom,
possibility, and purpose and I do the same thing for you right here on this channel.
So before we go any further, make sure you hit that subscribe button, hit that notification
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So now you're getting ready to leave that narcissist or maybe you're just thinking about
it and you're thinking, What am I going to be in for?"
""How do I prepare?"
It all seems so overwhelming but the truth of the matter is you're on an island right
now and the island that you're on is not the greatest island and you're going to have to
get on a boat and while you're on that boat, you might get a little bit seasick and the
rains may come and torrential downpours and all kinds of things might happen.
But the truth is, when you get to the other side, when you're on that other island, it's
going to be so much better to rid yourself of that narcissist.
Because the truth of the matter is, that you're in hell and you're going to remain in hell
and it's going to be hell to get them out of your life but there will be an end to the
hell.
If you don't try to get them out of your life, you're just stuck in hell forever, which is
definitely not the right thing because your soul at some point, can't take it.
It really becomes a soul decision.
Like you just have to do this in order to maintain your sanity as a human being.
So what can you do?
Well, the thing that you have to understand when you're dealing with a narcissist is what's
going on in the mind of a narcissist and so why is it going to be so hard to leave?
What these narcissists do is they attach themselves to people to gain supply sources from them.
So you really become a source of oxygen, a source of food, for the narcissist.
So they've attached themselves to you in such a way because they want to get something out
of you.
Maybe it's your love.
Maybe it's your attention.
Maybe it's the compliments that you give them.
Maybe it's the fact that you have connections and so they immediately try to get control
over you and they immediately start to devaluing and starting into the devaluing and discard
phases.
So they start off with love bombing and then they go into devaluing and discarding.
If you want to know more about the three different phases of a narcissistic relationship, make
sure you check out my videos on love bombing, devaluing, and discarding because that will
give you a lot more information on those three different phases of a narcissistic relationship.
But what's going on is that they need this endless amount of supply.
So when you go to leave them, you're going to be taking that supply source from them
and that's not going to go well for them.
Remember that narcissists have this injury, which we call narcissistic injury, and when
that gets inflamed, it's almost like rubbing salt into a wound.
It triggers their narcissistic rage, so they're going to act like two year olds having a tantrum
on the floor.
They'll do all sorts of things.
Call you 15,000 times.
Blow up your phone.
Ignore your boundaries.
Try to smear you.
Try to get other people lined up.
Triangulate the flying monkeys against you.
So all this stuff is so you need to prepare yourself, the best way that you can, to understand
that those are the things that are going to happen.
But the beautiful thing is that once you get to this point, once you rid yourself from
the narcissist in your life, you're finally going to have peace.
You're finally going to get your sanity back.
You're finally going to find yourself again and become a whole person, feeling like you're
a whole person again.
You've always been a whole person but you're finally going to feel like a whole person
again.
So if you're ready to get rid of the paranoia, you're ready to get rid of the trauma, you're
ready to get rid of the depression, you're ready to finally feel empowered, then I'm
going to give you these tips to do so.
So give me a let's do this in the comments.
Here's what you do to prepare.
Number one, have a stash of cash.
If you are not the moneyed spouse, then you're going to want to have at least three months
worth of cash in the bank.
You need that for living expenses and you're also going to want to have enough to be able
to hire a lawyer.
So your lawyer, once you hire a lawyer, if you are not the moneyed spouse, can potentially
go to court and ask for money for temporary support, ask for temporary attorneys fees
and things of that nature, but it takes time for your lawyer to file what they need to
file with the court, get the hearing with the judge, get the judge to rule on the motion
and actually get money into your hands.
So while all that is happening, you should ideally have some money in your own name or
under your own control.
If not, then lineup sources, if possible, to help you with that.
Maybe it's parents, friends, family, somebody who's going to be able to loan you the money
until you can get it from the other side.
So that's number one.
Number two is to think about your living arrangements.
So where are you going to live?
Are you going to stay in the house?
Is the other person going to stay in the house?
How are you going to serve them with the divorce papers once you're ready to leave them?
Are you going to serve them while you're still sitting in the same house?
Or are you going to leave first?
So, check with your attorney and check with the laws in your state.
But most often, if you leave the house, it's not going to change your ownership interest
in the house.
It may change whether or not you will be able to get back into the house.
So if you want to exclusive occupancy or down the road you want to get back into that house
for some reason, it may or may not be possible if you've already left the house but it won't
change your ownership interest in the house.
So you need to decide where are you going to go or is the other person going to move
out?
What's going to happen with all of that ahead of time?
The next thing that you're going to want to look at is your parenting plan.
So if you have children together and you're planning on separating, then you want to think
about whether or not you want to have a parenting plan in place ahead of time.
If you think that the other person is going to be prone to withholding the children from
you, such that you won't be able to see them for long periods of time, it will be better
for you if you have a parenting plan in place that's in writing and signed by both parties
before moving out.
The next thing that you're going to want to do is think about changing your passwords
and all of your logins on everything and especially cloud devices and things like that.
You may want to do this for several times, maybe at least once a month for a while, because
when you're dealing with a narcissist, they have no boundaries.
So hacking into your email and hacking into your social media accounts and all that sort
of thing would certainly not be beneath them.
I've actually even seen narcissist people hack into email somehow, where they were actually
able to make emails disappear from people's emails accounts.
So you just have to be really, really careful about that.
The next thing you're going to want to do is gather financials.
This is especially important if you are not the moneyed spouse, once again.
So if you don't have access normally to bank statements, credit card statements, tax returns,
if there was a prenuptial agreement, you'll want to try to get ahold of that; deeds to
properties, things of that nature.
It will be mandatory for both parties to disclose this information and it will help you and
help your case if you start gathering this information.
If you can't get copies, you can always take pictures of it or something like that.
But the more you can start gathering these financial documents ahead of the better it'll
be for you once you get going.
The next thing that you can do is hire a lawyer, if you're planning to hire a lawyer.
You can start interviewing lawyers.
You can start figuring out if this lawyer has the capacity to deal with narcissism.
You want to make sure you have a really good rapport with that lawyer and that they're
definitely going to have your back.
You're going to want to see if they've ever dealt with narcissists before, too, and what
their strategy is on doing that.
The last thing that you can do is to start documenting everything.
I highly recommend that you just start documenting even the most mundane of things.
You know, picked up the kids at 5:37.
Dropped off the kids at 8:32 or whatever.
Stopped by my house.
Just the smallest of details because those things end up becoming the foundation, the
basis for what you will use down the road for developing a strategy around your case
and creating leverage, which will be absolutely critical when it comes time to dealing with
a narcissist.
When dealing with a narcissist and getting ready to leave a narcissist is absolutely
necessary, critical and so important, that you have an absolute plan because if you don't,
you're just going to be swimming without oars in shark infested waters.
The narcissist definitely has a plan.
The narcissist's plan is to take you down.
It's to make you look as bad as possible.
Make your life as miserable as possible.
So by having a plan, you'll be that much further ahead and that much more ready to be on the
offensive rather than be on the defensive.
If you're getting ready to negotiate with the narcissist, make sure you grab my free
Crush My Negotiation Prep Worksheet.
You can get it at the link below or simply just go to winmynegotiation.com.
You will not want to go into negotiating with the narcissist without it.
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I'm Rebecca Zung.
I'm so glad that you're here and that you stopped by my channel.
Remember, today's a great day to start negotiating your best life.
I'll see you in the next video.