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Most of us, when we think about negotiation,
have already started putting on the battle armor.
We see it as a battle, and we see the battle being,
how can I get things from you that you don't wanna give me, and
how can I keep you from getting things that I don't want you to have?
There are, of course, negotiations like that, but most of the social interactions
that we engage in, where negotiation is an opportunity, are not like that.
But if we bring that perspective, that filter,
to the table we create an adversarial interaction.
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So in contrast,
we suggest that you move from this battle mentality to one of fluency.
And what I mean by fluency is, is that you move to thinking about well,
what am I trying to achieve in this negotiation?
And what are the strategies and tactics that will help me meet that goal?
And what that means is, is that sometimes while you might have a situation that
is a negotiation, you're gonna be so much better off if you engage not in a battle,
but in a collaborative, problem-solving endeavor.
Now, not just any problem-solving, so it's not just any solution, and
I think that's really important to understand.
There are particular type of solutions that we suggest you focus,
and that, that focus is, I want a solution that makes me better off
than I would have been with my status quo, or with my alternative.
So, it's gotta be superior to my status quo, superior to my alternatives, and
because negotiation is an interdependent process,
there is no commanding control in negotiation.
I can't say, you will accept that.
I've also got to find a solution that not only makes me better off, but
from my counterpart's perspective, allows them to be whole or perhaps better off,
because they have to willingly agree for a negotiation agreement to occur.
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People will tell you what is hard for them.
They will tell you what is easy for them.
But what most people do in negotiations,
you're so caught up in trying your own perspective in figuring out,
how am I gonna force this issue, but you don't listen to what they have to say.
And because this is about influence, I mean seriously,
when was the last time you could have any command and control?
True command and control.
It doesn't matter where you are in the hierarchy.
The CEO doesn't really have command and control.
They can say do this.
Parents don't have command and control.
They can say do this and the kids are like, maybe, maybe not.
So are employees.
So, what I've gotta be able to do is influence people in directions,
which means I need to understand what their interests are, and
I need to understand what motivates them.
And those are the kinds of questions that I would ask in the negotiation, but
it's also the kinds of questions I would try to answer before the negotiation.
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If you wanna put successful negotiators and less successful negotiators into two
camps, one of the thing that will probably help you figure out which camp people
belong in is the quality of their preparation.
It is probably the single most
important factor that you can control in a negotiation, how prepared are you?
Most negotiators are woefully underprepared.
Too many of us are confident that we can just flow with it,
that we'll figure it out, because it's very simple.
I don't want you to have whatever it is you want, and
I want whatever it is you don't want me to have.
Negotiation is so much more complex and so
much more powerful than those simple metrics of a pitched battle.
Planning and preparation can help you figure out,
what are some creative proposals that you might make to your counterpart?
Based upon the unique information that you have and based on your understanding of
your counterpart, that might open up new solutions that alone,
neither one of you could have implemented.
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