- Heya playa, have you ever found yourself
caught in-between friend drama?
Two of your friends were squabbling
and they were forcing you to choose which one
you wanted to hang out with?
If you've ever been in this tussle,
I'm gonna explain exactly what you should do
'cause I've been there before and I know
how to deal with it.
♪ This is The Josh Speaks ♪
♪ You're watching the Josh speak ♪
For those of you that are new here, my name is Josh.
And every single Monday through Friday
I make videos sharing tips, ideas, and stories
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Now, the worst part of having to choose
between two friends is that one of them
is gonna walk away feeling angry and resentful
that you didn't pick them.
But let's backtrack a little bit here
and talk about some true things.
It's true that not all your friends
are always gonna get along.
Sometimes you have friends from different groups
or different stages of your life that you hope
can mesh well with each other, but they simply don't.
Everyone has their own personality.
And with that, they develop different bonds
with different people.
So the type of relationship you may have
with one friend doesn't mean that the two
of them are gonna have that same kind of relationship.
And at times you may realistically need
to choose one or the other.
They may not even be forcing you to choose between them.
You might just have to decide, "I wanna hang out
"with this person this weekend or this person this weekend,"
because you can't hang out with both.
It's not always that easy picking
who you wanna hang out with.
Sometimes if you choose one group of friends
you might have that FOMO, or fear of missing out
because you didn't hang out with the other group
and did the cool stuff that they're doing.
But this is something you're gonna have to learn
to let go of.
You can't be everywhere at all times.
There will be things that people will do
without you that you're just gonna miss out on
and that's okay.
But what do you do when your friends are forcing
you to choose?
The two of them are butting heads and they want
you to pick them over the other person.
How do you make the right decision?
Well, this is how I approached it
when I was in that situation.
I was throwing a party one year and two
of my friends, just for some reason, got upset
with each other, something totally separate
that I didn't really know all the details of.
But one of my friends had come to me and said,
"Hey, I knew you're throwing this party
"and I know that you wanna invite this person
"but if you invite them, then I'm just
"not gonna go," which made me feel incredibly
awkward because both of them were my friends
and I wanted them both to be there.
And when I talked to the second friend
and explained the situation that the first friend
had put me in, they simply told me, "Hey, look,
"I don't wanna cause any problems.
"I understand that you guys are closer
"and you've known each other for longer.
"So I just won't go."
But that didn't satisfy me either.
I still wanted both my friends there.
So when I talked to that first friend
that demanded that I don't invite
the other person, I simply told them
that their issue was not my issue,
that they were both adults and they can work
it out and resolve it.
I was gonna open the invitation to both people.
And if both of them showed up, that was out of my hands.
Well, the time finally came for the party.
Can you guess what happened?
That first friend that demanded I didn't invite
the other one just didn't show.
And they didn't show on principle
because they were angry at that friend
for whatever reason it was, and they were also
angry at me for not choosing them over
the other person, even though I explained to them
that I didn't wanna be involved in any drama.
This obviously did create a bit of a rift.
That person started to say that I wasn't
a loyal friend, I didn't care about them,
I didn't value the friendship, but to me
what I really cared about was people
just getting along, having fun, and not bringing
problems to the party.
And there was a period of time where I didn't
really talk to that first friend for a while.
But guess what?
Eventually, they patched things up with the other
person and everyone was okay.
So I avoided the drama, I didn't get involved
in it, and I stuck to my principles.
And I think that's an important thing
for you to think about too.
Now, look, not every two friends are gonna patch
things up and things are gonna be okay.
Sometimes there is a rift that stays there
and you do end up splitting your time
between two different groups of people.
But if that is the case, accept the fact
that the two of them will never get along
but that shouldn't affect your friendship
with either person because they don't like each other.
If any friend is trying to force you to drop
some other friend simply because they just
don't like them, then I don't think
you should take that bait.
You should stick to your guns and focus
on the people that matter to you.
If they can't respect your decision
and be okay with it, then they're really
not being a true friend.
It's so important to surround yourself
with positive people, with people
that are gonna be supportive and kind and caring.
And if you feel like your friend just
isn't doing that, then maybe they shouldn't
be a part of your life.
It doesn't matter if you've known them forever.
The fact of the matter is this, you want people
in your life that are gonna bring you up,
not bring you down.
But it is important to hear your friends out
to see if they have genuine and real concerns
about why you shouldn't be associating with that person.
Sometimes though it's something just as simple
as they don't like them.
And if that's the case, don't buy into the drama.
Now, what I want you to do is check out
the playlist over there on the side
where I break down how to have awesome
friendships, friendships built on trust
and loyalty and respect.
Those videos are really gonna help you build
people in your life that matter to you
and really help you succeed.
On that note, guys, I'll catch you tomorrow.
As always, love and peace.