G'day, A.J. Mahari here following my video on what is the vulnerable a narcissist
or the demoscene that vulnerable to covert which you know if you watch that
video know that they're basically the same is just using different words this
video is about the quiet borderline what is a quiet borderline what's that mean
and actually there was a question on Quora or however you say that that I
answered I don't know well back somebody said is there such a thing as
quiet borderline personality disorder and no there isn't because again it's
like I don't understand where all these questions come from but I guess I just
come from people's experience and so great you know like I really I mean
great in the sense that people are looking people are searching for this
understanding and and and I'm here to hopefully help you with that on on Quora
sometimes too so no there's no such thing as quiet borderline personality
disorder but there is such a thing as a quiet borderline so people who have been
diagnosed with borderline personality disorder have the same core issues the
same either actual perceived abandonment trauma and/or attachment trauma and they
kind of go in hand-in-hand those two things whether it's perceived or actual
and so what does it mean to be a quiet borderline you know well you know
basically for people that are trying to figure out what these people look like
or are you dealing with a quiet borderline they will still suffer from
extreme mood swings and emotional reactivity and sub harm and and perhaps
suicidal ideation chronic feelings of emptiness in a lot of cases paranoid
ideation dissociation lack of identity not knowing who they are
the same core abandonment as I said an attachment trauma and issues of all with
BPD but manifested in the opposite way from the
classic acting out raging borderline so the major difference is everything but a
quiet borderline is acted in onself predominantly and for the classic acting
out borderline everything is put out on to other that is the difference between
that's what defines the quiet borderline is that they act everything in they turn
most everything in and so traits are what can you look for or expect in a
quiet borderline or person with borderline percent disorder who exhibits
it in a quiet acting in way these people are also very angry they are inwardly
hostile they punish themselves primarily by turning everything in word they use
silence and withdrawal to punish others as well often not knowingly they have
the same but I can weight thinking that's anybody with four-line
president's order magical thinking splitting idealization devaluation
cycles lost self lack of identity often shifting modes very sensitive
temperament very oh sorry often they feel very less and they have a lot of
shame they feel incompetent maybe not every single one but a lot of quite poor
lines feeling confident or even if they are confident in a job they feel
incompetent underneath it anyway and so um they often feel broken and unworthy
too broken to be fixed that's how they feel it's not true but they could feel
that way they're triggered easily to dis regulate emotions as is the acting out
borderline they regress in the same ways that I mean it won't exhibit it the same
but they do have the same triggered regressions repetition compulsion acting
you know experiencing the so see in a dissociative way the past in
here now but then not exhibiting it in an acting out way they have the same
fear of abandonment as anybody with borderline personality disorder fear of
being alone often they feel when I say often I mean most people who are quiet
borderlines right there's always individual variances and
these things they few current feelings whatever they're feeling now they feel
like it's always been what they felt and it will always be what they felt
especially when it's really you know painful or negative or you know they
just aren't feeling good in a down mood it just feels like it's always been that
way always going to be that way which isn't the case but it's how they feel
they can be very manipulative no it's usually for most people with the PD and
who are quiet borderlines Sam is acting out one's a lot of their manipulation is
not done in any really conscious way but it it's a little passive-aggressive and
so they may or may not know that they're actually being manipulative men you know
at different times and many don't know a lot of the time doesn't really change
how you experience it but that's that's the way it is for people who are quite
borderlines and or born on personality anyway they have difficulty being close
to anyone and fear being alone so that's that main conundrum in borderline
personalities order quiet borderline experience at just as much as acting out
borderlines they feel disconnected lonely alienated they feel like a victim
they have a victim mindset mentality because they were once victimized or
perceived that they were victimized and they're still that's still unresolved
and they have arrested emotional development around the age of two so
they're going to continue to feel that when they get triggered to emotional
dysregulation which you don't see the same in a quiet borderline but still
experience that then they're gonna feel
very much like they're gonna feel the victimization that's unresolved in a
dissociative way from the past in here now so they isolate for safety and
emotional mood regulation the quiet borderline does so true does the acting
out sometimes but they have anybody with more line per sentence or it can have a
lot of anxiety but specifically quite boring lines tend to have even more
anxiety and especially more social anxiety than then people with acting out
BPD or that presentation of it so where was I they self-harm as well people who
act in and perhaps in different ways but it can be cutting can be burning it can
be the same things as it is for the other side of the BPD so to speak the
other half people BB I'm not saying it's 5050 but just you know they can be
impulsive they they suffer a lot of suicidal ideation suicidal tendencies
they blame themselves so much they feel everything bad is is their fault
more than throwing it out as it's your fault they they often feel wrong you
don't have Sam you're doing it you just feel like they'll be wrong they feel
unlovable they feel unworthy sometimes it does not aware of all these feelings
necessarily sometimes they feel confident and then suddenly totally
insecure which is typical of born line personalities or in general but in the
quiet borderline as well they have a love-hate experience of
people and splitting and idealization and devaluation and that's basically you
know the approach avoidance conflict and borland personalities or experience by
the quiet borderline as well they turn against themselves though they they hate
themselves I mean all people with BPD will go through a period of self-hate
that could last for years if they don't get help and treatment and and learn how
to change this but the quiet borderline also suffers a lot
self-hatred and and whatever that means when you don't know who you are it's
usually what's known as the interjected okay so taken on as a young child
critical narrative perhaps a very critical mother or the perception of
even the mother who's not being critical the perception that they were critical
then interjecting is sort of like inner critic narrative that's all negative
that's what kind of brings the hate into the person with borderline personality
disorder and the quiet borderline as well even though they don't have a self
to really contain that so the the people with quiet who have the quiet borderline
personality disorder type of manifestation often are really the
biggest deniers having BPD because they'll say well but
I'm not like that you know the classic acting out who's
easy to spot so here's a really tragic and sad thing that um I just I just know
based on my own experience of working with clients that this is the case and
I've heard others professionals speak about it I can't put my finger on a stat
right now because I don't think they think about stats or statistics of this
because they measure maybe they measure the number of people well they say ten
percent of people with BPD will commit suicide I think that's a really lowball
number but the highest number of people with BPD who will successfully complete
suicide tragically enough and sadly enough are the quiet borderlines
so that's that's another thing they can be harder to spot harder to get to get
help because they're harder to spot and more likely to turn everything in word
in such a way as to become very suicidal and very hard to then change their way
of thinking or mindset and they often they just often commit suicide
in ways that shock people because people might not have realized which is quiet
presentation of borderline precise or that the person had borderline precise
or because not everybody who's a quiet borderline is a diagnosis often as those
who are the acting out raging type of borderline so quiet borderline is mostly
the manifestation how they behave how they act how they put everything in
instead of out so I hope that was helpful and I hope that you'll stay
tuned for the third video or after a long time these videos have been up
please know that this was preceded by I don't know what the title will be right
now but something about the vulnerable narcissist and and what does that mean
which you know and then the video of the follow after this one that you might
want to watch the three in a row is what's the difference between a
vulnerable narcissist also known as a covert narcissist or inverted narcissist
and a quiet borderline okay so that's the next video coming up and if you're
watching these in in a row this would be the right way to watch them so I hope
that was helpful and look for the next video coming up a lot of people have
these questions and a lot of people are really lost after these relationship
experiences and or if you have a parent like this who's a quiet borderline or
adult child is quiet borderline or you a significant other relationship doesn't
matter the type of relationship the experience can be can be devastating in
many ways because you can't reach that person and you're still feeling some
things that people that are with acting out borides might feel but you might not
be understanding why this person is the way they are it might not be identified
as a borderline it might take longer to identify the quiet borderline although
with all the information online right now hopefully my video helps a bit in
adding to that maybe people are starting to know that much quicker or or suspect
that much quicker and then hopefully people are getting
to be diagnosed I mean I guess the psychiatrists are good at diagnosing but
again my two cents worth is if somebody is diagnosed with borderline personality
disorder even the quiet board on treatment is often best found away from
psychiatry actual helpful treatment just it's the way I recovered myself over
twenty three four years ago now and it's a way to recover without meds if you're
interested anyway take care and for those who have BP and and I hope that
was helpful the people who are you know have had an experience was somebody was
a quiet borderline and you know it kind of confused and trying to figure out you
know what what was that about because they don't seem like they're quote
borderline cuz they're quiet acting in turning it all in but they are the ones
who loved ones no give the silent treatment but not in a sense that they
sit there and go I'm gonna give you the silent treatment now because you know
often its subconscious they're just so inside feeling so terrible hurting so
much that it's not always as intentional as it seems take care now