Top of the mornin' to ya laddies, my name is Jacksepticeye,
Shhhhhhh
Shh
Barry has a secret...
A secret he would like to show you...
Barry likes to eat...
But for some reason, Barry's wife has gone missing...
Where is she? What happened? Did Barry even have a wife?
He does love cherry pie, though, so let's get in and play:
Barry has a Secret! Chapter 1: Cherry Pie.
Mmmmmm, sweet, sweet cherry pie. Can sweet can.
This is a weird camera angle.
"Time for some cherry pie. I think I left the pie...
in the fridge."
Okay, let's check the fridge Bar-bar.
Let's see what you put in there.
What's in there? Is the cherry pie in there? Ohhhh, there's a bloody axe right there.
Haha oooh...
What- what'd you do Barry? Ba- He heard me. He looked right at me. You saw that.
Barry, what did you do...?
Barry Scott, what did you do? Where's your wife, Barry? Where is she? Open that fridge and get that cherry pie.
*doorbell rings*
[In-game voice] This is the police.
[In-game voice] Sir, open the door.
God! What do I do with the Cherry Pie?
Oh, Jesus! Okay, I need to hide four pieces of evidence.
Is the cherry pie one of them?
Ohh, this music is creepy! Okay, hide the axe. Hide the axe in the dishwasher.
There we go, hidden. Hidden! There's a freaking hand in my fridge!
Ooh, yum!
Um, we're gonna hide the hand.. in the dishwasher! *laughing*
Okay, keep it secret, keep it safe.
Wait! "Hide four pieces of evidence?" Where's the other two?
*doorbell rings* I hear you! Just one moment, freshening up!
Just let me freshen up and hide my finger- I mean!
Coming!
Oh, God...
I knew I shouldn't have chopped her up and left bits of her all around the house.
That was stupid! Bonehead! Bonehead!
What'll I do with this-? What'll I do with this pot?
Oh, God! They're gonna come in! Um...
Where's the other pieces of evidence?
I only found two, where's the others?
*doorbell rings again*
In a minute!
Okay. I have a plan.
Banana?
Banana!
You want a banana? What the hell is going on with this banana? Okay.
Maybe if I stand here with a banana and act like a freak,
They won't find the bits of my wife that I can't even find.
Okay, just look respectable. Look- look respectable.
They'll never... They'll never expect- suspect you if you wear glasses.
[Police] What do we have here? It's key to- Hey.
'Sup Agent Smith?
Don't mind me, just banana-ing. [Police] Just a routine check.
*chuckles* Want some?
[Police] Let's see...
*whispering* He's... he's looking for secrets.
Don't look for my cherry pie-! I mean...
Banana?
Nothin' around, huh?
We got some Pirate Charms, you wanna come in and have..
Netflix?
Tea..?
Who's your friend? He's just standing in the door.
*laughs* Duuh...
Am I good? Oh good! He didn't find anything! He's leaving!
*clicking sound*
Oh baby! "Cops didn't collect any evidence".
Excellent! "Carrying banana, press left mouse button to drop."
Okay. "Cops might come back.
I need to hide all the evidence." But there was no more!
Oh, oh god.
Where the hell did this leg come out of?
Umm...
Okay, rub-a-dub scrub-a-dub, putting you in the dishwasher.
That's where you can hide all your murdered body parts, kids!
*doorbell*
Aww, ff... [Police] This is the police.
Why? Why? [Police] Sir, open the door.
Why are your hands shaking like this?
Oh god, I'm gonna hide it in the bathroom!
I'm gonna hide it in the bathroom, apparently I have the shakes.
Apparently I came down with a real bad case of the shakes since before-!
Oh, come on!
Son of a bitch! Okay, okay, put it in the fridge.
Put it in the fridge.
They're never gonna find it in the fridge, unless they come in and ask for some Sunny D and go straight for it.
But why would they do that? Why would they do that? They're cops! Not my mom!
Okay!
Get in there! *doorbell ringing*
Why is this one so spazzy?
Stop!
Oh, my fucking god...
There we go. There we go. There we go.
You gonna find nothing. There's nothing in here!
Okay, you are blocking my jam right now. Peas? Would you like some peas, please?
There's nothing in here. This is a fine Christian household, alright ?
I've got nothing. Anywhere. "Hide four pieces of evidence". I don't know where the other pieces of evidence are!
CHERRY PIE!
I'm gonna put this out in the table. He'll like this. He'll like-
*laughs*
Barry!
I think Barry's secret that he's trying to hide is that he flails about all over the place
and he has some sort of malfunction in his arms. *doorbell*
You're not hiding it well Barry. Okay.
Upturn everything. Upturn- uhm, crackers!
Crack- uhh
Cereal! They love cereal, cops love cereal. I've heard that! I watched a documentary one time.
Ken Blackwood had a documentary about police.
[Police] What's that...
Hi! Welcome, come on in. Wait, he said 'what's that'. Did you find something?
[Police] What do we have here?
Those are bananas, good for potassium, good for your nerves.
Do you want one? [Police] What do we have here?
I could use one right now. Not that I'm nervous or anything...
I mean, you'd notice if I was nervous 'cause I fart when I'm nervous.
*imitating fart sound*
Uhm! That was the door!
Cereal? You want some Pirate Charms? Ce- Cereal? Sir..?
Okay, he's just going to keep looking.
There's nothing over there. You want to tour the house, I got an open house next week. Yes.
Just, like, put my arm up in the thing and be like, oh well that thing for the- Yes!
"Cops didn't collect any evidence". I'm a fucking genius.
"Cops are investigating only a couple more days.
I need to hide the evidence". What evidence-?
Where is this stuff coming out of?
Am I regurgitating this or something? Oh, my god! There's a whole body?
What did I do?
I mean, I know you hate your neighbor Tom, but come on. Did you have to chop him up into little bits?
Oh, my god. You can't pick up shit, can you?
Oh, for fuck's sake. [Police] This is the police.
[Police] Sir, open the door. *imitating* Sir, open the door.
If you open the door, we might be- oh, my god...
*singing* We can dance if we want to! We can leave your friends behind!
Do- ah, the Cha-Cha!
Um, where am I gonna fucking hide- *laughing*
Where am I gonna hide this? Maybe if I move it fast enough!
Okay, there you go. *singing* Slide to the left!
*singing* Slide to the right!
Criss-cross!
*singing* Everybody crap your pants! *laughs*
Okay... It's fine. *doorbell*
Do you think they would notice?
I don't think he's gonna see shit, okay? I think we're safe. I think we can hide a dead body in there, no problem.
Salt and pepper. Saw him put it- ah, I put up a chair. Maybe if I block him out,
he won't be able to go there. If I just stand here right next to it. Just-
Lovely weather we're having, huh?
There's nothing in here. What are you talking about? Shut up.
Oooh there's a fucking thing. Uh oh.
Uh oh! Where do I put it? Where do I put it? I only have 20 seconds remaining.
Please stop!
*doorbell*
Go in, go in, go in. Yes! Yes! Yes!
Ooh!
Sexy mama! Oh!
Play that caliente the way daddy likes it! Okay.
Here we go. *singing* Barry has a secret! Barry has a secret!
A secret he's not gonna tell!
Shhh...
[Police] We need to check your apartment. 'Sup?
There- Uh... Sup, Copper? [Police] Just a routine check.
"Just a routine check?"
Cops never do that! What's up? [Police] Something's missing.
You want- you want some money?
You want some money? Huh? Uh... [Police] Is there something over there?
No!
It's just my fine home cooking-! There's a fucking body part in there. What the fuck?
Close this!
"Cops noticed right foot and they've become suspicious."
What? Why?
Why would you-?
"Game over. Cops found right arm and total of two trace evidence.
Your secret is revealed."
Ah! Okay! Fine!
I admit it!
Okay, all these times. He was out there cutting my hedges.
And I said, "Tom!"
"Don't be cutting my hedges!" So what did he do? Cut my hedges!
I wasn't gonna stand for that, okay?
He had it coming. Just cause I hit him so hard with my car that he exploded into 1,000 different bits...
I had to put him somewhere! What was I gonna do?
Leave him there? No!
He was my friend.
Barry has a secret, all right. Barry sucks at hiding things.
Just freshening up!
Um, I got a new...
Toilet installed!
I don't know how it works yet, and I'm still on it.
Don't come in here, it's quite smelly.
Unless you want the stink up your nose to last all day. It is a stank and a half, okay? So,
Just stay out there. I'll be with you in a minute. Okay?
Oh god. Oh god. Oh god. Oh god. Oh god. Oh god. Oh god. Oh god. Oh god.
[Police] Is there something over there? No! Hi, welcome! Come in, okay?
Would your friend like a cup of tea? Why you standing out there, Flat Foot? [Police] What's that?
Would you like to come in, T-Pose?
Okay, just have a look around. Yes. Nothing out of the ordinary here. I'm just gonna walk over this way.
[Police] Just a routine check. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I get it.
I'm just doing a routine stand next to my diswasher.
Cherry pie, perhaps?
Okay, bye.
Okay, welcome back, I guess.
"Cops noticed a finger?"
Where-? Those are bananas!
That's not a finger!
"Cops didn't collect any evidence. Excellent." Oh god. That's the thing this is definitely a thing okay?
Where the hell was the finger? I didn't see no finger.
God fucking dammit, can you just go in?
Can you just be a-a good child?
Okay?
Nice! In it goes. Right, what else we have to hide? Okay, this giant finger. You need to put you in the fridge.
Okay, I'm keeping it for safekeeping next year. Okay. What are we gonna eat for- uh...
[Police] Sir, open the door.
Christmas dinner?
*imitating music*
Is that all the stuff? Was there a finger here?
I'm just rearranging! I got new curtains.
I don't like how they look so I have to make some alterations right here, right now.
Don't come in here!
Jesus loves you!
Just fluffing the cushions!
So you can come in and have a nice cup of tea, and sit down, and
Not sit on any body par- haha, hi!
Come on in, fellas!
um, let me just,
Close my fridge-aroo. I need to close the fridge, okay?
You know, I can't let it be stinking up the place.
Oh come on!
Okay, fine is that how we're playing? Is this- Is this what we're doing?
Everything's going in the dishwasher, nice and clean.
and nice, and clean.
Okay, come on in!
Come on in officers!
[Police] Let's see...
*whispering* There's a... Oh...
Oh! Oh... Oh... [Police] Let's see.
That's fine.
It was just a..
There was just a big old hand sitting in the fridge. It was just there for a high five, okay?
I like to keep like a limp hand around so I can just like, every now and then, I could just be like
Hey! High five!
You know?
It's to give me a morale boost, my doctor recommended it!
Why the frick did Scooby-Doo and the Mystery Gang have to show up at my house, anyway?
Huh? What's that all about?
What?
I-I don't have anything to hide.
No. There's nothing- nothing around here worth looking at.
There's nothing...
hidden,
anywhere, spe- No! No! No, where are you going?
*heavy breathing*
Hey, what are you doing?
Hey...
You weren't supposed to find that.
[Outro Music]