- The best suggestion I've had in the last year?
The daily routine of an Aztec high priest.
That was the best suggestion.
So, we'll come to this side first.
Thank you for putting the lights on
so I can hold people accountable.
If the lights are down,
usually some idiot guy at the back is like,
"Oh, it's my time to just shout sex and crude things,"
but now the lights are on, you feel more self-conscious.
So, guys over here, what do you want to hear a rap about?
- [Off Camera] Sex in space!
- See, I just said that guys shouting sex--
Just because you add in space to it doesn't make it...
I mean, admittedly, it is a great suggestion.
Sex in space-- are you involved with NASA?
No, no, would you like to be?
Purely for that.
Just like, "Yeah, maybe I'll..."
I don't know, anyway sex in space.
I apologize but that is the first suggestion.
Anyone put a hand up over here?
The kids that didn't make it in Willy Wonka.
That is an absolutely fantastic suggestion!
You knew that, as well.
You were like, "I'll just put my hand up
"'cause it's a real good one."
(audience laughs)
Wow, the kids that didn't make it in Willy Wonka
and sex in space.
Let's come to people at the back of the room.
Let's get you guys.
Yeah, hand up there.
Where's Waldo?
It's kind of a boring suggestion.
I hate to be-- Fine, I'll take it.
I thought you were gonna be with me, like,
"Yeah, it does suck."
But no, you were all like, "Oh, we kinda wanted that."
Sex in space, the kids that didn't make it in Willy Wonka,
Where's Waldo.
There's a hand up here, yeah.
TSA reform!
(audience laughs)
In favor of making it more stringent or more lax?
There's definitely a 50-50 split.
What's your views on TSA, how should we reform it?
It's up to me?
I asked you the question.
I don't want to silence you; I'm interested.
If you could change one thing about TSA,
what would it be?
No TSA?
All right, Osama, what's wrong with you?
(audience laughs)
Okay.
So, sex in space, the kids that didn't make it
in Willy Wonka, Where's Waldo?, TSA reform.
This side of the room.
You've only really got one suggestion to give
'cause they all stole all of yours.
Let's see if we can crowd-source a really good one.
We'll get a few and then pick the best.
- Pruno!
- Pruno?
Is that prune juice?
It's what?
Jail wine, it is!
And you make it by--
You put, like, anything that kind of ferments with sugar
in a sock in the back of a toilet cistern, right?
Well, like, no!
Don't make it out like I've been inside.
I've not done hard time.
Not with a face like this, gosh.
Pruno.
I mean, that is a better suggestion
than anyone here is gonna give.
Okay.
Pruno, prison sex, Where's Waldo, TSA reform,
and the kids that didn't make it in--
Oh no, sorry, not prison sex.
I've got that on the brain now.
(audience laughs)
You're just making me think about it.
Sex in space.
It's because a week ago, someone suggested prison sex,
so that's why I'm thinking about that now.
I'm just wondering, yeah, that's cool.
Okay, cool.
Right, now I've got my Freudian slip out of the way.
This then, lovely people in the Comedy and Magic Club.
To close out the show, a fun little thing
called a freestyle rap.
That is a rap made up on the spot based entirely on--
You say, "Whoa!" like,
clearly that's what was being set up, right?
(audience laughs)
I wasn't gonna go,
"Okay, you're suggestions are these five things,
"good night and goodbye!"
(audience laughs)
No, I'm gonna turn them into a beautiful song.
It's gonna be amazing.
It's not prepared, it's not scripted.
Don't worry, it won't be anywhere near as bad
as you're expecting it to be.
You seem so unconvinced.
That's okay, let's drop that beat, good sir.
(hip hop music)
It's a good one, as well.
It's got a nice little kind of afro-beat-style.
♪ Never done hard time but I know ♪
♪ In a jail cell you can always find pruno ♪
♪ Not nice like it's from Bordeaux ♪
♪ Made down the back of a toilet bowl ♪
♪ I just pop off the lid, I can't resist 'em ♪
♪ I drink it straight out of the sock in the cistern ♪
♪ It's a problem in our prison system ♪
♪ I wanna get drunk but the guards resist 'em ♪
♪ No, don't give the criminals booze ♪
♪ So they gotta make pruno in their loos ♪
♪ Put in the toilet, put it in the cell ♪
♪ Annoyingly the horrible spoils it that smell ♪
♪ Makes it ferment so wrong ♪
♪ Why is the prison sock stretched so long ♪
♪ Probably 'cause they take their time to ♪
♪ Ferment any sugar-containing thing to wine ♪
♪ It's how you make alcohol content ♪
♪ If I met a guy ♪
♪ In a continent called Britain ♪
♪ Well technically Europe ♪
♪ And I liked chocolate ♪
♪ Well I adore it ♪
♪ You could see me, I'm Charlie Bucket ♪
♪ I get a little gold ticket ♪
♪ Oh I'm in luck ♪
♪ It's an invitation to the factory ♪
♪ I think I'm gonna win ♪
♪ What are my chances ♪
♪ Be maybe one out of six ♪
♪ Because Augustus Gloop he can't resist ♪
♪ He just licks his lips ♪
♪ Oh yes y'all ♪
♪ When he sees a chocolate waterfall ♪
♪ Even though Willy Wonka doesn't invite him ♪
♪ He just says I'm gonna go and dive in ♪
♪ He's a real portly dude ♪
♪ A fat German kid getting stuck in a tube ♪
♪ Next one it was her own fault ♪
♪ Horrible girl, Veruca Salt ♪
♪ She was like oh yeah, this isn't hard ♪
♪ And what about Violet Beauregarde ♪
♪ She chewed that gum 'till she got so big ♪
♪ Grew 'till she's blue ♪
♪ What a fat pig ♪
♪ And then you had another guy we can agree ♪
♪ American character Mike Teevee ♪
♪ He liked violence, he liked guns ♪
♪ He didn't get the factory ♪
♪ 'Cause it wasn't that fun ♪
♪ There probably was another one that I am forgetting ♪
♪ It doesn't matter ♪
♪ Charlie Bucket's parents always stayed in the bed ♪
♪ Grandparents, Grandpa Joe ♪
♪ Then the great gas elevator blows ♪
♪ Right through the roof and into space ♪
♪ What would they do there ♪
♪ Come in his face ♪
♪ Probably ♪
♪ Never show respect to me ♪
♪ Because I'm up in space and I'm sexually ♪
♪ Admiring the other astronauts ♪
♪ I drive down on the graph, that's an astroport ♪
♪ I'd go oh yeah ♪
♪ I really wanna tap you ♪
♪ I'd get down kicking Avril NASA ♪
♪ Hey have you got Viagra ♪
♪ Houston we've got a problem ♪
♪ Bring it up here ♪
♪ Tried to do a very funny pun about that ♪
♪ But it didn't work yeah ♪
♪ On the helmet it goes splat ♪
♪ Gotta make sure that the visor's up ♪
♪ Let me talk about this, gotta gather it up ♪
♪ All your things hundred mil ♪
♪ In a tiny little bag ♪
♪ TSA guy acting all bad ♪
♪ Oh yeah, we're gonna go and spill ♪
♪ 'Cause this is actually one oh three mils ♪
♪ That's too many, you gotta get smaller ♪
♪ 3.5 ounces, what a baller ♪
♪ This is out of order ♪
♪ Yeah I will warn all TSA agents ♪
♪ We're starting reform ♪
♪ The lady over there she should be relaxed ♪
♪ Everybody like we don't pay our tax ♪
♪ For you to make a holiday much worse ♪
♪ Calm down, it doesn't matter who's first ♪
♪ Or business ♪
♪ Or economy ♪
♪ We don't wanna get bombed on our holiday ♪
♪ So technically security is a good thing ♪
♪ If on the plane a bomb could be bring ♪
♪ Or brung ♪
♪ That's the past tense of the word ♪
♪ You'd be looking round there, you woulda heard ♪
♪ We can search through the bag ♪
♪ If it's deep or shallow ♪
♪ Oh I found it like Where's Waldo? ♪
♪ I technically said Waldo not Waldo ♪
♪ In the UK we have a ball though ♪
♪ We say Wally not Waldo ♪
♪ That's a little fact that now you all know ♪
♪ Open up the page ♪
♪ What are we like ♪
♪ He's always hiding ♪
♪ With the red and white stripes ♪
♪ Try and hunt him down, try and have a look ♪
♪ What a gosh darn boring book ♪
♪ Every page is exactly the same ♪
♪ I can't find him ♪
♪ Well who's to blame ♪
♪ You guys are bad, you're the worst of all ♪
♪ No you're the illustrator ♪
♪ You just drew him small ♪
♪ You hid him away ♪
♪ What a bad job ♪
♪ The yellow and black striped guy and the dog ♪
♪ Always see him again and again ♪
♪ The tail of the dog looking like a candy cane ♪
Now there's one more thing that's slipped out of my brain.
What was the last suggestion we needed to do?
Was there none left?
Did we do them all?
Gimme one more 'cause that felt I went too fast.
What? Hardcore PC gaming.
♪ Okay it's all right we improved there ♪
♪ Wearing a SpaceX hoodie, what a loser ♪
♪ You wanna go up there and fornicate ♪
♪ Space sex buddies be each other's mates ♪
♪ But when you're up there ♪
♪ Watch where you're aiming ♪
♪ This guy he loves hardcore gaming ♪
♪ He's like yo I never come last ♪
♪ I go on Twitch and I play Starcraft ♪
♪ Like all the kids that are over in Korea ♪
♪ No one even knows about that here ♪
♪ You go and see L.O.L. ♪
♪ League of Legends I can tell ♪
♪ Watch Overwatch with all the great teams ♪
♪ Playing there on a massive plasma screen ♪
♪ You play so much but it's hard to think ♪
♪ You dehydrate when you play, you don't drink ♪
What a bunch of losers, there you go.
(audience cheers)