How to deal with arguments?
Are you having arguments at home?
Are you? If you're having then you’re human.
Then, you are smart.
But if there is no argument at home at all,
then it is a sheep farm, it's a chicken farm. I tell you.
Human beings should have to exhibit their differences.
And that will always end up in arguments.
If there are arguments at home, you are a healthy family.
But don't let it go out of control! I tell you.
I usually say it, you know, ashrams are like zoo.
Not poultry farm, because they are all different types of people out there.
Similarly at home, remember,
your five fingers, everybody is different.
If different people are not at home if they're all the same,
if all fingers are like, … like the same,
nothing can happen.
It will be so dull, unproductive, uncreative.
And even more boring.
People are different, and so, you end up arguing. Right?
But underneath that there is a connectivity.
You're all connected.
You are connected with your blood, you're connected in your genes.
You're connected with this deep sense of love and belongingness.
And that is also one of the reasons for fight.
So the arguments indicate strong individual intellectual abilities.
How does the argument begin?
You say something that the other person is not receiving it.
They are talking something else.
Your ideas are not matching. Different perceptions are there.
And it is bound to be there, it should be there.
The different viewpoints make life much richer.
Then you recognize that underlying current of well being, belongingness, togetherness.
And wishing good for each other.
You know every parent wishes good for the child.
Every child wants the best for the parent.
So, everyone's intention points towards one thing.
That is happiness, harmony, in the family.
But the ways are different.
Arguments should be welcomed.
Welcomed by everyone.
with open arms, you welcome the argument.
You will see, you end up having humor.
Arguments should end in humor.
Rather than in sadness and frustration.
Intelligent, really intelligent people know how to argue, how to snap out of it.
How to make others see your point of view?
Very important tip for every member of the family:
Is to understand where the other person is coming from.
Do not step on their ego.
And if you have, give them a big hug and keep them moving ahead.
And if you really want to argue,
do fresh arguments every day. Don't dig up the past!
No stale arguments from the past. Don't dig up:
5 years ago you said this,
10 years ago you said that. No!
If you want to be… you want a fireworks at home, it should be “taza”.
That's absolutely fresh fireworks.
Determine on that.
Embrace arguments. Accept the diversity at home.
You will grow tremendously.
Because every time you embrace the difference,
you have expanded. You have given room for growth. You know?
Instead of getting into our own shell.
Holding onto our own idea.
Throw open our heart, throw open our mind.
The world will be yours.
We so often hold onto our ideas and get so stuck.
For a moment just let go of your ideas.
Let others win the argument.
This is an exercise for you today.
What you will do: you start arguing at home and you let the other person win the argument.
Let everybody give victory as a gift to those who are arguing.
You will see magic happening, at home.
In your life each one of you have argued many times,
and you have won many arguments.
Why should you win in an argument all the time?
Tell me? What if you lose an argument? So what?
Is heaven going to fall?
Is world going to stop?
See how it has stopped now with the Corona!
What worst can happen?
Why do you insist to win every argument?
Why don't you let others also win?
If everyone comes with this, you know suddenly you will find there is better understanding.
You know the incidence of Ram and Bharat?
When Bharat came to meet Ram,
it is said that their minds got exchanged.
Bharat wanted Ram to comeback to Ayodhya and rule.
And this is what he went to ask him.
And Ram wanted Bharat to rule and this is what he wanted to tell him.
You go and rule.
But when they met each other there minds got exchanged.
And Bharat said: “Brother whatever you want I will do that”.
And same, Rama said: “Bharat, what you want? I'm going to do that.
I will honour whatever you want to do.”
There is greater joy making the others win, than winning itself.
Have fun! Let others win sometimes. And sometimes you win!
Not that every time you should make the others win.
I'm not telling you to be complacent, to be submissive. Absolutely not!
No submissiveness. No complete giving up your wishes, your freedom. No!
Stick to it but don't be adamant on it.
And don't spoil the fabric of the family, of society by sticking to your own arguments,
and thinking “my way or the highway attitude”, right?
This will be useful.