﻿Hey guys, I’m Kya and I’m a sucker for the classics.
‘How to Kill’ isn’t just limited to ‘80s slashers,
and today, we’re taking a stab at one of horror’s original icons:
Dracula.
To die, to be *really* dead, that must be glorious!
Yeah, you say that,
but you sure don’t make it easy.
Even Buffy couldn’t slay the Transylvanian terror,
the best she could do was kick his misty ass out of Sunnydale.
You think I don't watch your movies? You always come back.
She gets a pass because she’s freaking Buffy,
...I'm standing right here.
but you might have better luck if you follow our guide.
So grab your garlic,
clutch your crucifix,
and find the nearest Van Helsing,
because you’re about to learn
How to Kill Dracula
The Count was named after Vlad Dracula,
a Romanian prince better known as Vlad the Impaler,
whose favorite method of execution might have inspired Drac’s greatest weakness:
A Stake Through the Heart
Dracula is most vulnerable when he’s in his ‘death-sleep,’
a state of hibernation that restores his strength before night falls.
It’s the perfect opportunity for a quick staking,
and it takes a lot to wake him up,
so don’t worry if you miss the first time.
Uh, dad... That's his crotch.
Ooh, sorry.
In Bram Stoker’s book,
Dracula dies when our heroes slash his throat and plunge a bowie knife into his heart.
That was a little too intense for 1931,
which is why you don’t see Bela Lugosi’s body in Universal’s iconic adaptation.
The fateful moment occurs off-screen.
[DRACULA SCREAMS]
I would have killed to see that. Pun intended.
Hehe, pun included.
For every Nerd video, you get a free pun!
If I was at full slayer power I'd be punning right now.
Anyways.
Later films wouldn’t be so squeamish when it comes to staking,
like in ‘Andy Warhol’s Dracula’ from 1974.
This version of the Count can only survive on the blood of virgins,
so he travels to Italy in search of fresh victims.
This takes ‘The thirst is real,’ to a whole new level.
Unfortunately, most of the ‘virgins’ he encounters have been fooling around with a Socialist servant named Mario,
who chops off Drac’s arms, legs, and other parts before finishing him off with the classic killing blow.
[DRACULA SCREAMING]
It’s almost as gory as Francis Ford Coppola’s 1992 'Dracula,'
which was advertised as sticking close to the source material.
That wasn’t quite the case,
tacking on a love story between Drac and Winona Ryder,
and ludicrously dragging out his death.
He gets sliced and stabbed like in the book,
but then he turns into a demon and drags himself away.
Winona follows,
impales his heart again,
then cuts his head off for good measure.
That’s a lot of effort to kill one vampire,
even if he is Gary Oldman.
I mean, it seems easier to just wait for some
Sunshine
Like a lot of Dracula lore,
the Count’s fatal weakness to sunlight doesn’t appear in Stoker’s book.
It has an effect,
but it’s not the instant KO we know from the movies.
That comes from the 1921 film ‘Nosferatu.’
Now, this isn’t technically Dracula,
but Bram Stoker’s estate still sued the shit out of the studio,
and nearly every copy of the film was destroyed as a result.
Thankfully, it survived to become a key influence in the birth of the horror genre.
Can’t say the same about Count Orlock, though.
As he’s chowing down on his final victim,
he gets so distracted by the feeding frenzy he forgets about the rising sun.
And as a rooster crows, he fades away with a whiff of smoke.
It’s not bad for 1921,
but later films would have a lot more fun with Dracula and daylight,
like the 1979 version starring Frank Langella.
Dracula is basically the hero in this telling,
he even kills Van Helsing with a stake intended for his own heart.
But he meets his grisly end after our heroes stick him on a meathook, Leatherface style,
then hoist him above-deck where he twists and burns in the sun.
[DRACULA SCREAMING]
Like 'Nosferatu,' 1972’s ‘Blacula...’
Y'all couldn't come up with a less on-the-nose name?
Get this-- He's Dracula, but he's Black.
Get this-- 'Blacula.'
I'm just like, the f--
Okay, back to this:
Like 'Nosferatu,' 1972’s ‘Blacula’ doesn't star the Count, either.
The titular character is an 18th-century African prince cursed by the dark lord himself.
We’re including it because A:
it’s the first time a vampire was played by a Black actor,
William Marshall, who kills it with a dignified performance that was way ahead of its time.
I could dispense with you now, doctor. But, I have a rather urgent appointment elsewhere.
And B: It’s got a great death scene, which is all I really need.
Blacula runs outside after losing his love,
and melts into a disgusting, maggoty mess.
It’s a sick visual,
but there’s only so many ways you can expose Dracula to the sun before things get convoluted,
which is why some films stray from the established lore and add some
Vampiric Variety
As the third film in the franchise,
‘Blade Trinity’ finally delivered the dream match we’ve been waiting for:
Ryan Reynolds vs. Triple H.
Thank you!
We also finally got to see Blade battle Dracula,
or “Drake” as he prefers to be called.
I was born ready, Mister Falcon.
Mister Falcon... I like that.
The vamp is so powerful he can only be killed by a super virus called Daystar,
which Blade administers with a deadly dose to the chest.
In ‘Van Helsing,’ which came out the same year,
it takes a bite from Hugh Jackman’s werewolf form to dissolve the Drac into a skeleton.
[DRACULA SCREAMING]
Meanwhile, in ‘Dracula 2000,’
Gerard Butler does his best Scott Stapp impression as a leather-clad Count,
complete with a brand new origin.
This Dracula is revealed to be Judas,
the biblical betrayer of Jesus.
As a result of his curse, he can only be killed by hanging,
the same way his New Testament namesake died.
So, as he’s dangling from a building on Bourbon Street,
he meets the sun with arms wide open.
Wide open.
‘Dracula 3000,’ no relation to ‘2000,’
takes us to where no Count has gone before.
He’s been to Transylvania,
Where the heck is Transylvania?
Brooklyn,
and Sesame Street,
and now he’s joining his horror brethren in outer space,
where movies go to die.
Despite a stellar performance from Coolio,
Goin' somewhere, Wheatie boy?
there’s not much to recommend about this uber-trashy movie.
Unless you count Tiny Lister having sex with a pleasure-droid,
as their ship blows up,
killing space-Dracula along with them.
It’s an undignified end for one of the most elegant characters in all of fiction,
which is why we need to finish on a more debonair Dracula.
Next to Bela Lugosi, no one’s contributed more to Dracula’s mystique than the late, great Sir Christopher Lee.
He starred and died in 7 movies for legendary English horror studio Hammer Films,
which exploited some more obscure vulnerabilities from the vampire mythos.
This video’s getting a little long in the tooth, so let’s wrap things up with a Lightning Round.
Stop.
Hammertime
In ‘The Horrors of Dracula,’ two candlesticks in the shape of a cross force Lee into the sunlight.
Classic, but nothing groundbreaking,
and the awesome melting skin effect was cut from the theatrical release and lost for decades.
The sequel, ‘Prince of Darkness,’ takes advantage of vampires’ inability to cross flowing water,
drowning Drac in his own frozen moat.
Two years later,
the Count falls from his castle and gets impaled on a golden crucifix in ‘Dracula Has Risen From the Grave.’
Hammer continues the religious theme in ‘Taste the Blood of Dracula,’
where he crashes into a church and dissolves upon the altar.
In ‘Scars of Dracula,’ our heroes attempted staking misses his heart,
but when he yanks out the metal spike, he gets struck by lightning and dies in a fiery blaze.
[DRACULA SCREAMING]
Sure.
Next, in ‘Dracula, A.D.,’ the Count gets sprayed with some holy water and knocked into a spiky pit.
Van Helsing wins. Fatality.
FINISH HIM!
‘The Satanic Rites of Dracula’ was Lee’s last time wearing the cape,
and his death stems from getting caught in a hawthorn bush.
As the source of Jesus’s crown of thorns,
this rosy relative stops a vampire dead in its tracks,
giving Van Helsing one last opportunity to plunge a fencepost into his chest.
[DRACULA SCREAMING]
It’s fitting that horror’s greatest rivalry ended with a classic kill,
but it wouldn’t be the last time we heard from the Count.
It's time to die...
I'm pregnant!
Dracula is one of horror’s most enduring archetypes,
he works in everything from Westerns to whacky Leslie Nielsen comedies.
But he’s far too dangerous to leave walking on the Earth for long.
Still, even if you manage to kill him,
that might not be the end.
As the Count himself says,
There are far worse things awaiting man than death.