you ever have the realization that oh
i'm depressed every day you know
something that's come to my attention
lately in my therapy work
has been misattunement so misattunement
is the experience of not being heard
seen or understood for who you are and
according to my therapist it's one of
the most stressful experiences we can
have
disappointed but not surprised
obviously our first experience of
misattunement is in childhood it just
always comes back to childhood doesn't
it
the harvard center on the developing
child says misattunement affects
children's brain architecture when a
caregiver consistently attunes to a
baby's needs
neural networks are built in the brain
that support the development of
communication
and social skills but when there's
consistent misattunement
a baby lives in a state of constant
stress creating significant
emotional and psychological issues fun
really makes you think about all the bad
baby advice that's been prevalent for
generations like
hey let your baby cry until he or she or
they self-soothe
sorry entire generation of parenting
books you created a community of
children who grew up to be adults who
stopped expressing their needs
rejected their needs and essentially
shut down and disconnected from their
needs
because we learned boobers aren't safe
and they'll just abandon and blame you
every chance that they get
disappointed but not surprised
what does this look like in adulthood
well are you someone who constantly
fills up your schedule
overworks yourself and gets overwhelmed
and exhausted but refuses to attune to
your need for down time
are you in social situations that make
you uncomfortable but you often refuse
to attune to your need to stand up for
yourself and leave
do you pride yourself on needing as
little as possible do you stay in toxic
relationships friendships or familial
situations to the point that it's a
detriment to yourself
do you feel empty helpless hopeless
stuck unseen and misunderstood
well then congrats join me in miss
attunement
hey so about this first meeting yeah i'm
so excited to start the support group
for people who are so unable to show up
for themselves
yeah i should have seen that coming the
good news is all it takes to unravel
this deeply
embedded pattern is to consistently
attune to yourself so this is where
re-parenting work really comes in
showing up for yourself asking yourself
what you need learning that you can be
seen
and understood it's really hard and
annoying at first but after you do it
long enough that it starts to become
like a habit and ingrains in your brain
you'll have no problem saying stuff like
attention everyone as you know i love
you all very much
however heard the sign it is now 9 pm
and i need you to exit my home good
night
goodbye and good luck
get out now i'm anna akana and thank you
so much to squarespace for sponsoring
today's episode
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