Do you remember when we were kids, our parents or maybe teachers would tell us, hey, be careful
with peer pressure, because other peers could pressure you to do things that you don't want
to do, so it's a bad thing, right?
Now as you age, and you become an adult, what if I told you peer pressure is a wonderful
thing, as long as you choose the right peers.
It's the most incredible thing.
Because they could pressure you to do great things with your life that you wouldn't have
done if you didn't have the right peer pressure.
So, based on that, if you think about you do studies, you will realize that your friends,
your close friends could dictate your diet, your health, your marriage, your relationships,
your finances, your happiness,, all of that they can dictate, depending on the type of
friends you choose.
This is why today's episode is called, "How to Choose Great Friends."
So now, I'm going to dive in to this topic a little bit deeper and kind of process and
ask the question, hey, why is it that some of our friends in 6th grade, we're no longer
friends with?
Why is it that my friend in high school that I played Nintendo with, and I was constantly
playing Zelda or whatever the game you played, Final Fantasy something or Fester's Quest
for some of you guys that played, Super Mario Brothers - how come I'm not friends with them
anymore?
How come I don't spend all the time with them anymore?
I saw them every single day for three years.
I don't do it anymore.
Is that a bad thing?
We're going to process that.
So today, solve for x.
What is x?
How to choose great friends.
Let's process it.
Friendship goes through three different phases.
Phase 1, 12-18 years old.
This is when we're trying to be accepted.
You're in school, you just kind of want to be cool.
You're just happy you have friends.
Matter of fact, your parents are somewhat happy that you have some friends, because
you're not a loner, right?
You're like, "Hey, I have five friends.
These guys are willing to be friends with me.
This is so cool.
I'm being accepted."
At this phase, 19-29, phase two, this is experimenting phase.
You're experimenting with people.
You're experimenting with who you get along with.
You're experimenting so you kind of learning about yourself.
And then phase three, is 30+, this is clarity.
You kind of have an idea what types of people you want to be friends with.
What you like, what you don't like.
You kind of have molded into somebody that hopefully at that age you're somewhat self-aware
of yourself.
Now, a few things that we go through here [phase 1]: Sports, friends, our friends, sports,
and video games.
Phase two, partying, college, military, you meet them in college, you hang out in college,
you go to clubs in college, you drink together, you party together.
In the military you party together.
Maybe afterwards you get a job.
You've got a company you're working at with a job and one guy becomes your friend because
you guys got started at the same time.
So those relationships are being started here.
And then in phase three, you're getting married possibly.
Maybe you have kids.
You now have a job, you realize how competitive it is.
Maybe you've moved to a complete different place so you're no longer connected to your
friends that you were because you're living in a different place, different state because
of a promotion you took.
So these [phases] change, right?
Now here becomes a question.
Here becomes a question.
Some people still are friends with their high school friends, when they were 16 years old,
and they're still friends with them today.
Why is that?
And why is that that some people who were friends there, those people who were inseparable,
they can't even get along or sit down together for a 20-minute conversation.
Have you had a conversation with one of your old friends and you're sitting down with them
and you're like, for 15 minutes we talk and we have nothing in common.
What happened?
At 17 it was all day every day.
We've got nothing in common.
Why is that?
Here's why.
It's the Evolution of Friendship.
The evolution of friendship is very interesting.
If you, at 16 years old are the same with interests, goals, whatever it is, you're the
same at 32 years old - same, same, you get along.
If John is the same as you are, at 32 as he was at 16, you get along.
If John, at 16, or 21, by 32, he decided to go become an entrepreneur businessman, or
a lawyer, or an executive or a career path, and now his friend is also on the same page,
he's changed, he's not the 21-year-old, he's a different 31-year-old, he's changed, they
get along.
But, if John at 21 was the best at partying, and so was Bobby, but at 31 John is now running
a business, he's an attorney, he's an executive, he's doing very well for himself, but his
friend is still the same, same and change don't get along.
There's nothing else in common.
So this is when you see a friend from high school and you're like wait a minute, how
come they're not hanging out together anymore?
Why has this evolution of friends taken?
Am I a bad person?
Are they a bad person?
No.
Neither is good or bad.
They're just no longer a connection.
There's got to be a connection.
So this is very important to identify, because in life, as you get to this phase [3] and
some of you may be watching and you're maybe at this phase [1], and you're kind of like,
man, I'm just trying to be accepted.
I want a girlfriend to hold my hand.
Right?
And you're going to go through some of this.
Some of you may be at this age [2], right?
I remember being 26 years old, an Asian mentor told me something fascinating.
He said, "Patrick, at 27, 28, as a man, weird things are going to happen.
Don't take it too seriously.
You're going to start really asking some weird questions and have too much pressure on yourself.
Don't take it too seriously.
And that's exactly what happened to me.
Because 28, 29, sometimes even men and women they go through the phase if they're single
and not married yet, is it too late, baby?
I should have gotten married.
My friends got married.
They already have two kids.
I don't have kids.
It's all compare, compare, compare, compare.
You're trying to live everybody else's life.
Maybe your first marriage didn't work out.
Compare, compare, compare, right?
So now if you're here [3], and you're trying to get clear about life, this thing should
be very clear.
Let me help you out by what I mean by this part here.
There's three different types of people that benefit us, for us to hang out with.
People that are above us in our life.
These are people that we aspire to be one day.
People at the same level as us.
And people below us.
When I say below, I don't mean demeaning, inferior, just below us.
They want to have our life, per se.
What are the benefits for each category?
People you hang out with that are above you, what is the benefit?
You aspire to be like them, so they challenge you, they push you, you go to a restaurant
or party, you're around people that make - I remember the first time I went to a party,
this man invited me to his house party.
He was turning 50.
I went to his house in Westlake.
I'm 22, 23 years old, and I went over there.
Everyone pulled up in Ferraris, Lamborghinis, Jaguars, I'm pulling up in my Ford Focus,
when I pulled up.
And I parked all the way in the back and I go inside.
This one guy's showing me his 2002, 2003 Harley that he had bought, just a fancy Harley that
he had silver.
I'll never forget it.
Drop-dead gorgeous model, and everyone I'm talking to is a multi-millionaire.
Everyone is celebrity, Hollywood actor, actress, business executive, and I'm not the guy.
But this person invites me.
So I go in.
It was the most awkward feeling because I got - people would ask me, what do you do?
I would say, "I'm a salesperson at Bally's Total Fitness."
Who is this guy?
I work at Bally.
Which Bally's, the casino?
No, the Bally's at a gym.
People thought I was working at a casino.
So I hit a point where it was so uncomfortable for me I got on a call, I called my friends
to go shoot pool at the pool place in San Fernando, called Charles Billiards, I don't
know which one.
Charles Billiards was in Glendale.
Billiards in San Fernando was I think . . . anyways, so I went to this place, because I'm like,
"Guy's, we've got to go shoot pool.
I was just at a party with a bunch of millionaires who want to brag about the kind of money they
have."
I'm driving on the 101, while I'm driving on the 101, I'll never forget this, I'm passing
the 101 on Westlake, there's a Mercedes Benz dealership, I'm passing by.
Pat, what the hell are you thinking?
This is your opportunity.
Turn around!
I turned around, exited.
I go back to Westlake.
My exit was Canaan.
Canaan, I go up.
And I go to this guy's house.
I was the last person to leave the house.
I helped wash dishes.
I helped whatever.
Hey, what do you need help with?
Anything I can help with?
I just wanted to hear what these guys were thinking and talking about.
And I was fascinated.
I became great friends with them.
The guy, some went to prison for nine years.
I went and visited him in prison and Men's Colony, in San Luis Obispo, right by Morrow
Bay, I think it's called Morrow Bay, it's not Palos Verdes, it's right by Santa Barbara.
Real nice place.
Anyways, he was above me at the time.
This is a man that was making 600K.
I was aspiring to be like him.
He challenged me.
The people pushed me.
They changed me.
I got a taste of it that day.
A former military veteran making 800 bucks a month was around people making 800 bucks
every two hours.
That's a whole different story.
It's mindset being shifted.
Oh my gosh.
The benefits of hanging around people that are the same level as you, you realize you're
not alone.
It's very important to be around other people that are like you as well because you realize
if you're married, going through a struggle, it's great to be hanging out with other people
that are married going through struggles because you're not alone.
If you're an executive moving up, it's good to hang out with others.
If you're running a business, it's good to hang out with other people running a startup
business because you're going through the same issues.
You are not alone.
You're trying to hire people, fire people, funding, running out of money, going out of
business, fights with wife, it's very - this is why organizations like YPO, Vistage, these
guys do very well, Inc. conventions, they do very well because it's a place for you
to go and be around other entrepreneurs that are struggling with the same things.
And people below you, when you hang out with them, it makes you realize that you have value
to bring to other people, so you can lift people up.
That feels good when you do that.
Now the bad thing if you do too much with people below you, they pull you down.
If you only hang around people that make you feel superior, your ego goes up, but you actually
decrease in your status in life, and you go lower and lower and lower.
And if you only hang around people that are the same level as you, guess what happens?
No peer pressure.
What peer pressure?
If I have people around me that are the same status as me, what peer pressure do I have?
They don't have any aspirations.
Peer pressure is boom, up there, above you.
That's a lot of peer pressure.
A lot of peer pressure.
And most people don't like it, that's why by far, the person that people talk about
the most is always here [above].
This is the people we make rumors about.
People want to talk about these guys here.
All the time.
All he cares about, all she cares about, all they care about.
So now, now that we have figure out this whole thing here, phases we go through, evolution,
same, same, change, change, same change, above you, same, below you, now you kind of sit
there and you say, Okay, so knowing that, now what do I do?
How do I pick and choose my friends?
What do I do now for myself, because some of the stats you'll look at, a study was done
in Britain.
This study said that the average person ends up having 396 friends in their life that they
become friends with.
I'm not talking Facebook friends, I've got 5,000 people I reached a max!
I have 5,000 friends.
Those are not friends.
Those are just, you know, it's not even acquaintances.
You know, 10% are maybe acquaintances.
Some of them are just following because hey, we met somewhere and we're hanging out, so
it's an acquaintance.
But 396, we become friends with.
Out of that, one in 12 stays with you.
So about 33 friends stay with us.
Out of those 33 friends, Euripides once said, "One loyal friend is worth more than 10,000
relatives."
One loyal friend is worth more than 10,000 relatives.
You've got a lot of family members that are your blood, they act like they're your enemies
sometimes, right?
You know, they don't want to see you win, they spread rumors, and you have this one
friend that's just loyal.
He accepts you.
She accepts you.
You're like, man, you make me feel good, but you also push me and challenge me and you
know the whole picture you see, a true friend doesn't stab you in the back; they stab you
in the front.
They tell you in your face.
You shouldn't have done what you just did.
That was not cool.
You don't talk to a girl like that.
You don't talk to your husband like that.
They talk to you directly to your face as well, and you like that.
That's the one loyal friend you find as valuable.
So how do you find these types of friends out there?
So a couple things to keep in mind.
#1, raise your standards.
Very simple.
Raise your standards, on who becomes a great friend to you.
When I say raise your standards, you choose who becomes a great friend that you want to
be friends with.
The standards comes over here, you choose who it is.
And how do you raise your standards, by being selective on who you want your friends to
be.
So how do you become selective?
You know, as you become friends to other people, and you're kind of going through, look at
it as a filtering process.
You've got to be out there around other people, because studies have shown, people with larger
networks live longer.
Because people with larger networks have more people that support them.
Hey, we believe in you.
We're praying for you.
Everything's going to be okay.
It's fine.
And you get 75 text messages when you're sick, is better than when you get one text message.
When it's your birthday, they say, "I love you man.
Happy Birthday.
You always made me feel so good."
You feel good, you want to live longer.
This is why grandfather who is 74-years-old with five grandkids looks at it and says,
"I want to live 10 more years, even though I've had 13 heart attacks" - a.k.a.
my father.
He's had 13 heart attacks, six angiograms, three angioplasties, three stents in his heart.
He's still living.
He had his heart attack in 1993, 23 years ago.
But there's a reason to live, when you have a larger network of friends, you want to live
longer.
So very simple, be selective, raise your standards, find friends that have common goals.
If you have aspirations, they also have aspirations.
Find friends that have common interests.
If you like sports, they like sports.
If you like politics, they like politics.
I have friends that are Democrats.
I have friends that are Republicans.
I have friends that are Independent.
I have friends that don't believe in God.
I have friends that believe in God.
I have friends that are Christian.
I have friends that are Jewish.
I have friends that are Atheist, Agnostic.
That part doesn't necessarily dictate my friendship with them, as much as if I believe in living
a life with character, integrity, and they have that as well, that's values.
Values doesn't necessarily mean exact religion, exact political party, that doesn't mean anything.
It means common values and common interests.
And then on top of that, the other thing I would add to that is, somebody that celebrates
your victories with you, somebody that celebrates their victories with you, meaning when you're
winning, they don't always go back and talk about their own victories.
Hey, you won't believe what happened to my kid today.
You know, let me tell you what, oh my gosh that's so cool.
Instantly, "Well let me tell you what my kid did!"
C'mon.
I mean, it's like I'm telling you about my kid, man.
Just celebrate with me.
I'm just trying to be transparent.
I want somebody to say, "Oh my gosh!"
Be interested, you know.
And you know some people can't take that, and some will just immediately - that's maybe
a friend, but it's not like a friend, friend you're choosing that celebrates their victories
with you.
Acceptance, be a great friend, is what I would tell you as well when you are a great friend
yourself to other people, they will be the same to you as well.
In life, look, quantity, quality, this is the one area where quality matters.
It's great to have a large network of friends.
Don't get me wrong.
It's very cool to have a large network of friends where you know, I had my father-in-law,
my sister's husband's father, when he passed away, I will never forget when I went to his
funeral, and they had to do the funeral three, four, five different times, because of how
many people wanted to come and visit his funeral.
He was a Walter Cronkite of the Persian community.
Mr. Sabetimani.
Every time I was around him, he was so kind.
Everyone loved this man.
He was so kind.
He was loved by the world.
He was one of Shah's favorite people, he spent so much time with the shah.
He's not around with us, God bless his soul, my brother in-law, I call him a saint.
He's the only guy I met when my sister was dating, I met this guy and said, this is the
guy!
He's a saint.
I've never met a man like this before.
And when his father passed away, it was very difficult.
When we went to his funeral, thousands of people showed up.
And my brother-in-law took it like, I mean, Siamak led the entire thing; I was so proud
of him, when I saw him.
I was watching his entire mannerisms.
Like, he said, I am running this family, and I'm going to make sure I do my part to represent
my father properly.
But here's a man that died, with a large network of people that cared for him, and he had a
group of friends that also cared for him as well that were very close to him.
That's really a big part of life.
If you're going to make millions, you're going to make billions, and you have nobody to talk
to about, nobody to share your struggles and victories with, it's lonely.
What's the purpose of it?
You've got to be able to do those things.
So as important as it is, to marry the right person, as important as it is to marry the
right person, if you choose to get married, it is just as important to befriend the right
people that give you the right kind of peer pressure that challenge you to improve, and
grow, and just make sure when you find friends like that, let me tell you, make sure when
you find friends like that, make sure you keep them, for a very, very long time.
Hopefully, till the day you die, because friends like that are very, very, very difficult.
Listen, very, very, very difficult to find, when you do find them.
So this is my processing on friendship.
You know, conversations like this, people ask, Mario and I will sit down and say, "Let's
process this whole friendship thing.
Today we did it, we decided to turn it into an episode.
So if you've got any questions or thoughts about this, comment on the bottom.
Mario, let me get our pillow here.
We've been talking about this whole pillow thing, that team talked about, we need a new
pillow.
So a lot of people are submitting their pillows by the end of the year, we're going to choose
a new pillow to replace this pillow.
We'll keep this pillow up top, but this one's going to replace, it will be replaced by a
new pillow.
And you can send your new pillow, anybody out there that has a creative way of a Valuetainment
subscribe pillow with the YouTube logo on it.
It can be bigger.
I want it to be the same colors as Valuetainment, but I want you to take over your creativity.
Whoever that sends the pillow, the best one, we'll feature and say who sent it to us, we'll
thank you.
We'll show it here on Valuetainment on YouTube channel for 2017, we will use your pillow
for the entire year.
Maybe we'll even show a couple of the other pillows that are on there as well.
You can send it, the address we'll put on the bottom, it's 5001 Spring Valley Road,
Suite 1155 East, Dallas, Texas, 75244, address will also be on the bottom.
[Here you go Mario, good catch.]
With that being said, if you haven't subscribed to the channel, please do so.
Thanks for watching everybody.
Take care, bye bye.