whenever they used to take bodies in procession nobody would tell us what it
is really they all so this is some deities they'll save us from really
knowing what it is
and people are not happy behind
usually any procession goes, Ganesha is taken in procession there are people
dancing that was bugging the mind for a long time
so one day in the school I discovered that people will die when they get old
so I thought now who is going to die I saw my grandmother she's the oldest
person in the house now I know she will die then I wondered how will I live
without her I was very much attached to my grandmother
you never get upset she's always chanting Shiva-Shiva, she was very kind and
very devoted their life stories and take me to the temples
so i discovered she was the person who will die first and body won't come back
so evening after six o'clock when the Sun sets then I get worried
so then everyone goes to bed and I first act as though I am sleeping
I used to sleep very close to my grandmother in the same room, so I get up and
will sit and watch her snoring all night she will breathe she has a big tummy
her tummy will go up and down
in the slurring, there is rhythm you know people go...
then again snore...they stop for a while, then i will go and shake her
then again snore so the whole night I'll watch the tick-tick-tick
- now time would go so slow so I patiently watched the whole night but in
the morning by 4:35 I would fall asleep
how that was for many months so watching the breath from the ticking
morning I would have to go to school so I won't go to school unless I do my puja
and everything
the morning I'd feel sleepy how do I say to somebody that whole night I am
watching somebody breathe or I sit in a bus and i fall asleep
the scooter sometime sometimes I would not do the home but
then if at all I take a book and I read two three pages I'll fall asleep you had
a teacher whom we had to write copyright the same thing so many times and if you
don't write one day we will be punished they'll just hit your hand like so this
teacher will do it mostly many people but when he would hold my hand to hit
somehow he could never do it
I was lady he could never punish I will just look at him and we'll never be able
to punish me all the other students will make a big fuss about why you are not
Why you are punishing everybody else
and when he would do he was very dedicated as if my hands would break up or something
couldn't find an explanation then he rose up and just laugh
I will go here and here and here and all the places in the world bring for me
coins yes we love rainforest dams yes then
they all called me a liar
so I will just put the long face
very difficult time then i will walk into a library simply go walk I mean I'm going
to library ever see any book I feel that this book I know this Tainan they spend
understand hard she'll I know all these books everything all this knowledge so
I'll just read all the names of the book and come back
not one single book I would pick up and read
the people we went to library which book you read I have no answers
elders think we should be like other children
see they are playing go and play do things that they all do
so i'd have to so that people don't see I am abnormal - I had to adjust with everybody and have meaningless
conversation
football match and cricket match which movie stars
never get into means people started many times as a child I wondered I'm in
the wrong place nobody seemed to know think big or think about life the world
and the divine nothing
kicking the ball from this end to that end and it looked so meaningless to me I could
not kick a ball the football will come there I will just stand watching my leg
they could not keep the ball
so I stand like a statue
this leg cannot kick anything let alone the ball
you