- Ellie just started asking some questions about
where babies come from and Ray was gonna
talk to her about it but.
- Wait, wait a minute you were gonna
talk to a child about S-e-x?
(laughter)
- Marie, if she's asking questions we have to answer her.
- No you don't.
(laughter)
My boys has all sorts of questions but I had Frank
wait until they were teenagers to talk to them.
- Nobody talked to me.
(laughter)
- Yeah, me neither.
- Frank, you told me you talked to them.
- Why? What did they need to hear?
No one needs to tell a bee where to go to get the honey.
(laughter)
- Am I right Ray?
- Alright dad, alright.
(laughter)
- You know Robin, this might explain
why you're still single.
(laughter)
- You read my journal.
- What? What journal?
- No, oh what journal, come on the
journal that I kept as a kid.
- What? What are you talking about?
- Are you saying that you never read my journal?
- I didn't even know that you had a journal.
- Yes you did and you read every word of it.
- Raymond, I never read your journal.
- Dad, did mom ever read my journal?
- Alright, I read your journal.
- Aha!
- What journal?
- What do you mean "What journal"?
His journal, with the dungaree cover.
- I don't know what you're talking about.
Where are my pancakes?
(laughter)
- His journal Frank, we used to sit up at night
and read it after Johnny Carson.
(laughter)
I confessed for nothing.
(laughter)
- Oh yeah, your little girly book.
(laughter)
- There was some funny stuff in there.
- Alright.
- Like sleeping with the belt around your head
to make your nose smaller.
(laughter)
- Oh my god, you've been lying to me
my whole life haven't you?
"Oh Raymond, you're such a great writer you could've
been writing poetry", how about in high school Ma?
"Oh, don't worry Ray the girls, they don't know
what they're missing", they do,
they do and they didn't miss it.
(laughter)
How about this Ma, where you lying when you said
"Oh, the day you were born was the
happiest day of our lives".
- No that's true it was.
(laughter)
Don't eat that now Robert.
(laughter)
Ray, we told you you were a good writer so
that you would think you were a good writer.
See, then somebody gave you a job.
That's what parents do, they all lie to their kids
for their own good.
(laughter)
- No the parents aren't lying Ma,
they believe in their children.
- No they don't.
(laughter)
- You wanna know how to motivate a kid?
You give him something he really loves,
then take it away.
- Alright Frank.
- He likes trains right? So you get him
a nice new steam locomotive,
something that makes his face really light up,
then you get a hammer.
(laughter)
- Just that you're so immature all the time.
- That's not true alright? It isn't.
- Oh no? Who made Jeffrey cry at Christmas because
daddy had to try the toy airplane before anybody else.
(laughter)
- Hey, it took two hours to put the damn thing together,
I can't get one throw?
- And who does the hysterical nursery rhymes for the kids?
Little Jack Horner sat in the corner something,
something poop and pee.
(laughter)
- You gotta give the people what they want.
(laughter)
- You can't even see what the real problem is here, can you?
There's an image that Michael has of us.
- Come on, we're normal.
Comparatively normal.
(laughter)
Watch the news.
- Please.
- Although, I will say there are times when you
seem to yell for no reason.
(laughter)
Maybe, maybe that's what he's picking up on.
(laughter)
- So you're blaming me? You're completely free and clear?
- I'm sorry but I am not the yeller.
- You are the reason for the yeller.
- Well, you assume that there must be yelling.
- Yeah you're damn right there's yell-.
- Hey, hey, hey, hey.
- Hey.
(laughter)
- What honey?
- Can I have a juice?
- Sure sweetie.
- Sure.
Yeah, we can do that, right mommy?
- Oh, thank you daddy.
(laughter)
- Thank you.
(laughter)
- We have problems.
If you just laid down the law once in a while
maybe the twins would respect you more.
- They respect me.
- Oh, they do? When? When you tell them to get
dressed and I find them watching TV with
their pants on top of their heads?
(laughter)
- I'm a fun dad.
- Yeah, well you've got the fun part right.
- What's that supposed to mean?
- You're a lousy dad.
(laughter)
- Your mother and I have been talking and we know
that you're gonna get older and you're gonna do
things and we know there's nothing that we can so about it.
Guys, if you do, make sure we never find out about it.
(laughter)
- We don't wanna know.
(laughter)