Today, we're going to talk about the keys to living a mindful, present,
and compassionate life.
I think we could all use a little bit more mindfulness in our lives, right?
I'm Risa Morimoto, your host, and you're watching Modern Aging, where we
chat about innovative and holistic ways to improve our health as we age.
Today's guest is Michelle Maldonado.
She's a certified emotional intelligence and mindful leadership expert.
I listed a few resources down below in the description section,
so you might want to check those out after the interview to go deeper into the topic.
Through interactive and immersive experiences, she integrates systems of
thinking, contemporary neuroscience, and mindfulness with emotional intelligence,
compassion, and authenticity to help people flourish from the inside out.
So check it out.
I feel like we don't even realize how disconnected we are from our bodies.
>> Yes, yes...
So I'll tell you a quick story...
When I did a retreat in 2013, I think, and the facilitator was talking about how body
awareness, and how a lot of people walk around with their shoulders all up here.
And she's like, And they don't even know it!
And then we took a break and I stood up.
I'm like, how do they not know it?
And I realized, oh, my goodness...
I am walking around with really stressed and tense shoulders.
And it began to kind of pique my curiosity about what is this whole thing about body
awareness and how is it impacting how I'm feeling, what I'm thinking,
what I'm doing, and how I'm showing up and interacting with others.
And then over time, began to learn a little bit of the research around it,
which is really quite fascinating.
And even now, it's morphing as we learn more.
Initially, there was some research that looked at different types of emotions and
where people feel them.
And there's one study that was done out of Finland in like 2013.
It's done some follow-on things since then.
And it was cross-cultural, cross-generational, cross-gender in Europe
and Asia, and they gave silhouettes of the body, human body on a piece of paper.
And next to those silhouettes were either a video, or a word, or
a picture that sort of suggested a particular emotion.
And they were asking people, where do you feel this emotion in your body?
If you feel an increase in sensation, color in on this silhouette.
If you feel a decrease, color it in on this one.
And if you feel nothing at all, don't color anything in.
And then eventually what they did was,
they took all of those responses, superimposed each person's to silhouettes,
and came up with a composite, kind of what I call like a heat map of the body.
That was very telling for us, because what it suggested for
one of the first times in a very clear way is that we all tend to hold the same types
of emotions in the same general areas of our bodies.
What that study doesn't do, what newer research is showing us,
is that not everybody identifies the same experience as the same emotion.
So you may look at a face and that may look like anger to me, but
it looks like frustration to you or it looks like confusion to you.
And so there is some growing knowledge.
So what's really important is just to understand your own body map.
Whatever the label is for
you, take a moment to figure out where it sits in your body.
And one good way to do that is to think about...
I like to conjure up three good emotions, right?
Take a moment and sit, and bring to mind something that is somebody you love.
You would move heaven and earth for.
You just want them to be happy and you want the best for
them, and you kind of sit there for a good few minutes just feeling them.
And then you pause and figure out what sensations are showing up in your body.
Some people describe feeling like their chest feels like it's blooming
open like a flower or they're feeling warmth.
It could be anything.
Make a note of that, and I say kind of make a mental map in your head.
And okay, I feel it in my chest when I'm feeling love.
Now take the same experience, the same exercise, and
use it with fear and anger, and see where those show up in your body.
And boom, you've got your body map.
And so during the day when you're doing integrated practice moments,
one of them might be, let me check in with my body.
How's my shoulder?
Because I know I hold stress on my shoulders.
How's my stomach?
I notice when I'm anxious, I feel stuff there.
So you know with your own body map where to check in--and that gives information.
And the reason that's important, because the one thing we do know is that
emotions show up physiologically in the body and they connect to the thoughts.
So however we label the sensation that shows up in our body forms that thought,
and then that is like a domino effect.
About if there's a story related to it, if there's past trauma related to it,
if there's fear related to it,
and then that allows us with that information to choose how we respond.
And oftentimes, that's when the inner critic starts to work needs to be done.
Because sometimes, we have to reframe a new truth around it.
It's not that the act itself didn't happen, but we are reclaiming our
power around it and how we wish for it to interact with us going forward.
So I always say the lesson can stay, right?
So pull the wisdom forward, but heal the emotional part of it.
>> Wow, so let's say something's happening and
you feel anxiousness in your stomach.
So once you can identify that,
then you can try to create language that will shift...
Like so, I no longer...
Is it the type of thing where you're like, I no longer feel anxious about this?
I can feel calmness or I can feel...
>> Well...
>> Turbulence is a big word for me.
>> Turbulence, that's a good word and I think a lot of us feel that.
So the first point I want to make is that it's not about denying
whatever's showing up.
So it's not about saying, nope, we're not nervous.
It's okay, because it might not be okay.
So it's acknowledging what it is and telling yourself that you are okay.
Okay, this is what's here.
This is what's present.
And you may need to use some mindfulness sort of meditation or
practice to help calm the sensations, so
that you do have the emotional mental capacity to process it in a healthy way.
Because none of it is about suppressing, denying, avoiding.
It's about allowing, with some sense of equanimity,
whatever is present to exist and to meet it from a place that's healthy.
And oftentimes when that happens,
we do find we might need help outside of ourselves.
So we might need to go talk to somebody, and whether that's somebody formal or
informal, a friend, a therapist, or what have you.
But part of the processing of it after we notice it is,
what do I need to do for my body to help it relax a little
bit more into...so that it's not so palpable?
Now the other thing is sometimes it's there to help us, right?
So I'll give another example.
When I first started doing keynotes, and
I was terrified at public speaking--even though I was a lawyer, I could do that.
But there was just something about talking in front of a room full of people and
being the only one up there.
And what I realized after watching, looking at some research, and seeing in
a magnificent video of research by Kelly McGonigal on how to reframe stress.
What I realized, if I told myself two things about how my body was feeling...
I was feeling lots of stuff in my stomach, my chest was constricting.
I was perspiring.
My heart was beating fast, and I was telling myself, oh my God, I'm so nervous.
I don't know how I'm going to do this.
I'm so nervous...
I was drilling it, right?
So two things happened after I did the research,
saw Kelly McGonigal's video, and realized that if I could
interpret what I was feeling differently as something positive.
So what I realized, what I said to myself was, I am nervous,
because I'm about to do something really important that means a lot to me.
And my body is simply summoning the energy that's needed for
what I'm about to do next, number one.
And number two, because I'm not interested in being the sage on the stage or
the expert of the room, what I really enjoy is conversation and discovery.
So I told myself, I'm not going out there to lecture anybody.
I'm going out there to have a conversation.
So those two things, telling myself that my body was just simply summoning
the energy for what I was to do next and that was important.
So thank you, body.
Yeah, I'm nervous--and that's okay.
The second was, because I'm going out to have a really important conversation.
And that began to shift how I showed up and how my body started to feel.
I still feel nervous.
But now, I kind of celebrate it.
>> That is awesome.
So what would you love for people to take away from our conversation?
>> Yeah, I would love for us all to not be so
fearful and anxious about everything.
Because there's a lot out there that we could say, well, this is a crisis.
This is why I'm anxious.
And yes, they're all real.
And in fact, many of the things that we're watching and
witnessing today, many are very scary.
This isn't about not acknowledging that.
This is about how do we ground ourselves so we can show up the best
version of ourselves to meet that complexity that is here in the world.
The crisis that we may...
The crisis of trust...
Crisis of...fill in the blank....
This work is about us choosing to show up and
stand up differently for ourselves and others in the world.
And when we can do that, that creates a ripple effect
that is so incredibly powerful and transformative for everyone that's in our wake.
[MUSIC]