How old are you?
- Sixteen. - He's fourteen.
- Almost fifteen. - But still fourteen!
Well, fourteen is the new fifteen, so...
We've been talking about you behind your back.
And we've realized that sometimes...
You get three beeps on your watch.
Then you make up a ridiculous excuse
and leave the house for hours.
I don't make ridiculous excuses.
Oh, yeah?
Remember when he said Jasper's waterbed was on fire?
Or that your teacher Ms. Shapen needed you
to give her ankle hair an emergency trim?
You saw a bird with a human face down the street.
You saw a human with a bird face up the street.
I... Can we... Can we talk about this later, please?
Like when I get back from seeing Jasper
in the beat boxing competition?
I thought it was a yodeling competition.
It's both.
Hello, are you Henry? I'm looking for Henry.
Uh, no, no. I'm, uh...
I'm Hen... row.
Sounds pretty close to Henry.
Right, but it's different.
Because of the "ow" part.
Just give me just a sec.
No, no, no. Henry, no, no, no.
- No, no. - Why?
The Vice Mayor only grants one wish per meeting, okay?
So if anyone's gonna rub his little belly
and get a wish granted it's gonna be this guy, all right?
Who's Henry?
[both] Uh...
Not...
- Me. - Not him.
Okay.
Henry, are you here? Henry!
Well, he doesn't seem to be here,
so why don't you two give up and walk away?
Here, I'll try calling him again.
- No! - Why not?
Because...
[screams] Oh, my God!
Why'd you just scream?
Quick, into the closet!
Go, go, go!
Hurry, get in the closet!
[shouting]
- Hey! - This is weird!
Hey, what's wrong with you? Let us out!
Uh...
I can't, 'cause there's a very bad guy out here.
Who?
[changing his voice] That's it, Kid Danger!
You're done!
I'm not done! You're done!
[screaming and grunting]
Quit it!
Die! You're gonna pay for that!
It's not my fault!
Kid Danger, are you okay?
I know that there's a lot of speculation
that due to my broken arm I am Kid Danger.
[screams]
But the fact of the matter is I'm not Kid Danger.
Because...
I...
Well...
I am the playground pooper.
[gasping]
So, you're Kid Danger and the playground pooper?
What? No, no, no.
No. No, no, no, no. No.
No.
I'm just...
the playground pooper.
Okay, this is funny.
[chanting] Prove it! Prove it! Prove it!
As you can see,
in the security camera footage of me,
doing what I love...
It's time-stamped.
Which proves that at the exact same time that Kid Danger,
whoever he is,
was getting his arm broken by Dr. Karaté,
I was on the playground.
Pooping?
Yes, Melvin, thank you. I was pooping.
You can't tell anybody about this
because no one else knows.
Henry, you and Ray have got to stop playing with the--
- Charlotte?! - Piper?!
You said no one else knows!
Uh, I don't know.
I don't know anything. I just woke up here.
This isn't my house.
Where am I?
[laughing]
Okay, fine, Charlotte knows and is a really terrible liar,
but no one else knows.
Hey, Henry! The package thief was your dad.
Hey, Piper, check out how great my fake eyebrow...
Oh, my God! What's Piper doing here?!
Jasper knows too?!
Okay, yes, Jasper knows, and so does Charlotte,
but that's it.
Up the tube!
Was that our new neighbor from Germany?
Well...
'Cause he also looks like our Italian plumber.
That's actually a funny story.
And the guy who fell through our ceiling
and landed on top of me!
Okay, yes, he's all those people, all right?
And probably some other guys that I can't remember right now.
So what'd you get for number one?
Number one, number one...
Uh...
What'd you get?
I got B.
Uh, I got B.
So, yeah.
I got B.
Okay, and what'd you get for number two?
Number two...
Uh, that was a tricky one, wasn't it?
Mm-hm.
Uh, what, uh...
What'd you get?
- Why? - Exactly.
I got a Y. Wait, Y?
Yeah, "why" are you just copying my answers?
I'm not.
Why are you lying?
Okay, let's move on.
All right, Henry...
How'd you know Jasper was wearing a wire?
Because I'm not an idiot?
Ray, I didn't know you also come to this restaurant.
Give it up, son.
I can't believe you spied on me.
Yeah, well, I wouldn't have had to do all this
if you hadn't lied to me about being sick for three days.
I wasn't lying, dude.
I had a cold and, like, the flu or something.
Oh, yeah, because everyone with the flu loves to sit around
eating big ol' honking bowls of chili.
Yeah, I saw it.
That was brown soup.
[scoffs] Brown soup. Okay.
I knew it was brown soup!
Look, just admit that you were never sick.
Apologize.
We can forget this whole thing.
I was sick, okay? And I still am.
Oh, my God. You're such a faker!
A faker? Why would I fake this?!
'Cause you don't wanna come to work.
'Cause you're a little punk
and you don't have any sense of responsibility.
Ask my dad. Call him. Call him right now.
Be there at work tomorrow.
Okay? "I'm Henry, I'm sick and I don't wanna go to work!"
I'm serious, dude. Can you back up a little bit?
Oh, going for the full performance?
We're gonna get the whole Emmy Award-winning performance?
[fake gagging]
What are you doing now?
[retching]
Yeah, that's brown soup.