-Welcome to "The Tonight Show," everybody.
You're here. Thank you for watching.
[ Cheers and applause ] You made it.
Hey! Let's get to some news.
Guys, today at The White House, President Biden hosted
the leaders of Sweden and Finland to discuss
their applications to join NATO.
Yeah. I didn't know there was an application process.
The Swedish prime minister was like,
"Yeah, we have letter of
recommendation from Norway and ABBA."
During the meeting, Biden told them that joining NATO
is a complex process that can get frustrating.
And Sweden said, "Yeah, we invented IKEA.
So we get it. We get it."
That's right -- Biden hosted Sweden's prime minister,
and he really went all out of his way to
make them feel good and feel at home.
But I think he went a little too far.
-Really? -Yeah. Listen to this.
[ Swedish Chef speaking gibberish ]
-That's right.
I think that -- That's too much.
-That's the Swedish Chef, yeah. -That's too much, right?
That's -- -Yeah.
-Some business news.
It's been a rough couple of months for the economy.
And I saw that yesterday was
the stock market's worst day in over two years.
Yeah. Stocks fell so fast,
the oxygen masks dropped from the ceiling at CNBC.
Yeah. It's not good.
Experts say if this keeps up, every Merrill Lynch office
is going to become a Spirit Halloween.
Things are so bad,
they replaced the stock-exchange closing bell
with the losing sound from "Price is Right."
[ "Price is Right" losing sound plays ]
That's right -- the stock market dropped after major retailers,
like Target and Walmart, reported huge losses.
But ones who actually saw their stock go up by 7% --
this is real -- T.J. Maxx.
Yeah. Yeah, they are crushing it.
They are crushing it,
and you can tell that they're feeling pretty good.
Watch this.
-Yo! We heard the stock market is, like, bad or something.
Well, not over here at T.J. Maxx.
[ Cash register dings ]
We're still flying high,
thanks to our rock-solid business strategies like...
So come on down to T.J. Maxx, where every day is Black Friday.
-Yeah. -Yeah.
[ Cheers and applause ]
Pre-worn.
-In a size of XXXL or adult baby.
-Yeah.
-Guys, get this.
Yesterday, while speaking at an event in Dallas,
former president George W. Bush had a pretty major gaffe,
which brings us to a new segment called
"George W. Bush: Still Got It."
-The decision of one man to launch
a wholly unjustified and brutal invasion of Iraq --
I mean, of the Ukraine...
♪♪
-Still got it!
-What?! -Ooh!
-Wow.
-Well, a lot of people are graduating this week,
and Father's Day is around the corner,
so it's officially that season of dads and grads.
So, yeah. [ Cheers and applause ]
What's wrong with that, Tariq?
-Dads and grads? -Yeah.
-It's so lazy. Come on, now.
-What do you mean?
-They're just combining two things into one
so they don't have to, you know, celebrate both separately.
It's like telling someone,
"Now here's your Christmas and birthday present."
It's crap.
-Hmm. Okay. I'm --
-I mean, why not just celebrate everyone?
How about, you know, dads and grads and guys named Brad?
Or dads and grads into bad fads like being clad in plaid?
It's so sad.
It makes me mad.
-I mean, it's just two things. I mean, it's not that --
-It ain't rad.
And might I add, why not dads and grads
and badass lads, like Josh Gad doing the dab?
[ Cheers and applause ]
Eating crab off an iPad,
drinking Tab in a chem lab,
reading "People" mag
with Scumbag Chad no one wants to shag,
who hates "Downton Ab."
It's a red flag.
Oh, man, I want to gag.
-Wow. [ Cheers and applause ]
Okay. Well, what do you suggest?
-Well, we equal the playing field.
If it's going to be dads and grads,
then, next year, it's...
moms and proms.
-Ah! Tariq Trotter, everyone.
Thank you. Nice going, Tariq. I see what you mean.
Yes, thank you. ♪♪
It is graduation season, so, obviously,
a lot of commencement speakers
are giving kids advice on their futures.
So, with that in mind, here with some sound advice
is our sound engineer, Steve Mandel.
Steve?
-Spill coffee on your lap in a McDonald's drive-through.
Trust me. It's how I paid for college.
-[ Whispering ] Sound advice from Steve Mandel.
[ Cheers and applause ]
-Speaking of fast food, this is wild.
In a new survey, 25% of delivery drivers
admitted to hooking up in their cars while on the job.
Which I guess explains why when I ordered Domino's last night,
the tracker was like...
I go..."Interesting."
Hey, get this.
I read that Michelangelo's first nude drawing
just sold for a record-breaking $24.4 million.
Yep, it's a groundbreaking piece from his "You Up?" period.
I saw a -- Guys, I saw that a woman in Minnesota was arrested
after she tried to flee from police and drove her car
straight into wet concrete.
Check this out.
[ Laughter ]
She was cited for resisting arrest and going zero in a 60.
And, finally, speaking of cars,
it's time for "Tonight Show Hashtags."
Here we go, everybody.
-♪ Hashtags ♪
♪ Hashtags ♪
-This week, I sent out the hashtag #MyWorstCar
and I asked you guys to tell us a funny or weird story
about a bad car that you owned.
We've done this hashtag before,
and it was so fun, we wanted to do it again.
Within minutes of sending it out,
it was a trending topic in the U.S.,
so thank you for playing along.
And now I thought I'd share some of my favorite
MyWorstCar tweets from you guys.
Here we go. This first one's from @UTJonesy.
They say...
[ Laughter, cheering ]
You take it.
This next one's from @kaitertots. She says...
[ Laughter, applause ]
That's bad. Well...
This next one is from @boogsrocks. She says...
[ Laughter, applause ]
Sucks to be them. Oh, it's me.
Next one's from @GuidelinesRUs. He said...
I have to. I just -- This is amazing, what happened.
This next one is from @JWButta. He says...
[ Laughter, cheering ] -Yes!
-That's... That's a good dad hack.
This next one's from @HansHoefer. He said...
[ Laughter, applause ]
This next one's from @janelleintx. She said...
[ Laughter, cheering ]
This last one's from @GlassHeart5. She said...
[ Laughter ] There you have it.
Those were our "Tonight Show Hashtags."
To check out more of our favorites, go to...