To achieve ANY level of success, you MUST first learn to control negative self talk.
[Intro]
In this video we're looking at how you can stop negative self talk, something all of
us are guilty of at the best of times and something that if left uncontrolled, can have
devastating effects on you and your wellbeing.
Your inner dialogue is fundamental to how you see and perceive your place in the world,
and unfortunately for most of us we often go through periods where we hold false beliefs
about ourselves that holds us back in life.
This might be as simple as saying "I'm not good at this thing" or "I failed a class,
education isn't for me".
The problem is that in most of these cases, we hold these beliefs based on a limited negative
experiences, rather than focusing on objective reality.
The problem is that research has found that negative self talk can have significant effects
on your mental health, not least showing a correlation with depression in its long term
effects.
Beyond depression, it can lead to limited self beliefs, perfectionism and even relationship
issues, as the insecurities it builds can result in low confidence and even needy behaviour.
However, there are ways to control and even stop negative self talk and they don't build
false positive beliefs either, but rather curb the behaviour and push you to take a
more objective view of the thought or feeling.
To begin, you want to learn to...
Catch Yourself
This is arguably the biggest challenge for many, but learning to identify and stopping
yourself when you start to have negative thoughts is fundamental in preventing it from spiralling
out of control.
To do this, as soon as you notice you start to have negative thoughts, it's important
to take a step back and reconsider some things, the first of which is to remind yourself that
what you think or feel doesn't necessarily reflect reality.
For example, we might think we're at fault after someone snaps at us, but often what
we don't know or what we don't see are of great importance here.
For example, is the person having a hard day?
Are they stressed from something else and ultimately just releasing the pressure built
up within?
These are important and valuable questions to be asking yourself, as well as did you
really say something that they could or would have taken offence to?
Sure they might have moments of frustration, but often most people learn how to control
themselves and are only likely to snap when pushed too far.
This process is to reflect on the situation objectively and consider the situation from
all angles.
Doing so helps you better understand the objective truth, in so far as you can even potentially
help and support that person who might have snapped as a result.
It also goes back to what you believe, after all you might initially believe the person
was angry at you, but as you view the situation objectively the references that hold up that
belief are taken away, meaning the belief is much less likely to be reality.
This process is related to the next tip, which is to...
Reframe Your Self Talk
We've already touched on this in the previous point about objectively reviewing your beliefs.
However, reframing self talk is equally valuable in shifting your perspective on something.
Let's put it this way, many people are afraid to speak in front of an audience.
The self talk here can often be very much focused on the self, like "what if I make
a fool of myself?", "what if nobody likes my presentation?" and even "what if I lose
respect?".
However, those who have achieved success in talking to an audience often shift from the
self focused perspective to shifting their thoughts onto what they can offer the audience.
No longer is it about the negatives of what might happen to them, but rather it's about
the opportunities in front of them to give something of value to their audience, something
I try to focus on in my content.
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people!
So getting back to the point here, reframing what you're doing here can have positive effects
on how you perceive the circumstance.
However, you can equally reframe your state.
Simon Sinek once said that if you look at the biological reaction in times when your
nervous to when you're excited, you feel many of the same sensations.
Your temperature rises, you heart rate increases and you even start to sweat more.
When you feel these sensations, you can reframe your self talk from "I'm feeling nervous"
to "I'm actually excited".
In doing so, you shift your mindset from a negative place to a positive one.
This leads us to the next tip to...
Shift Language
Your language can have massive effects on how you view the world.
Numerous studies and research has found that the language can have significant effects
on people, especially when it comes to mental health.
We've already briefly discussed this in the previous point as we can understand how shifting
perspective from being afraid to do something to being excited can help us go from being
negative to being positive.
However, this goes beyond that, as we're talking about your very fundamental beliefs about
yourself.
Just as self talk can have negative effects and consequently make you build beliefs about
what you can't do, empowering self talk can have the opposite effect, helping us build
positive beliefs about ourselves in what we CAN do.
This can have a dopaminergic effect in the brain to help us feel better about ourselves,
similar to how we feel when we get praised from others.
The key here is not to build up false positive beliefs, because as we've already established
earlier, doing so can lead to that belief being broken down easily when reviewed.
Instead, you want to build from tangible experiences to build up reference points to your belief.
This leads us to the next tip, you need to...
Focus On Solutions
If you're going to build positive self beliefs than the most effective way is to draw on
positive experiences as references of what you're capable of.
Doing this requires you to take action, for which rather than focusing on thoughts and
feelings, you need to focus on how you're going to do what you want to do, ergo....the
SOLUTION!
Beyond this providing a sense of objectivity in your thought process, focusing on the solution
will actually help you activate the prefrontal cortex in the brain, the part of the brain
that helps with creative problem solving.
This is because you shift focus on hypotheticals to tangible elements you have control over.
You can't control what might or might not happen, but you CAN control what action you
take!
And as you build up through this process of focusing on what you can control, you build
confidence, even moreso as you get successful experiences.
This leads to belief in yourself of what you're capable of and allows you to change your negative
self talk, to being much more positive.