Almost every week I receive an email form somebody
who's asking:
What is shadow work?
So today, I'm gonna tell you exactly what shadow work is.
Because of the term "Shadow Work",
it's easy to see how that can conjure up
all kinds of images of dark sinister things.
Perhaps shadow work is a dark spiritual practice,
perhaps it's a process that involves the more negative
or more malevolent aspects of our personality.
The truth is, neither is the case.
So, what exactly is shadow work?
We are born whole.
But that wholeness is short lived
because we're relationally dependent as children.
Being born relationally dependent
into families that socialise us
into a society that is not yet fully evolved,
spells trouble, because it causes us to learn
that some aspects of ourselves are acceptable,
and others are not.
What is acceptable versus unacceptable,
depends upon the perspective of the family you're born into.
The aspects of us that are seen as unacceptable,
both positive and negative,
are rejected by our family,
and the aspects that are seen as acceptable, are not.
So being relationally dependent,
in the name of survival, we do anything we can
to disown and deny and suppress
those aspects in ourselves that are disapproved of,
whilst exaggerating those that are approve of.
We dissociate from what we disapprove of.
This creates a split within a person,
that we call the conscious and the subconscious.
This self preservation instinct
of dividing ourselves into conscious and subconscious,
is in fact, our first act of self rejection.
Years ago, the revolutionary psychologist
Carl Jung was studying with Freud,
and they together,
noticed that people had a conscious aspect and a subconscious aspect.
What that means is,
if you take a person,
they have aspects of themselves they're aware of,
and aspects of themselves that they are entirely unaware of.
Consciousness has long been referred to as a light.
To become aware of something, you have to be able to see it,
the same way that you might see something
that is suddenly illuminated in light.
When something is unconscious,
we can't see it.
We are unaware of it.
The same way that we're unaware of something
that might be in a dark room.
Because that darkness is there, we can not see it.
So, what Carl Jung began to do,
is to refer to the aspects of a person
that they themselves are unaware of,
or unconscious of,
as the shadow.
So, the human shadow,
is any aspect of a person that is not exposed
to the light of their own consciousness.
The reason that the human shadow contains mostly
what we would consider negative things,
is because most of us tend to deny,
suppress, disown and reject,
aspects of ourselves that we feel are negative.
But one of the biggest misconceptions about Shadow Work
is that the negatives is all that's contained in the shadow.
That couldn't be further from the truth.
While we're more likely to suppress jealousy,
than to suppress a particular talent we might have,
the human shadow often contains
disowned or rejected aspects of a person,
that are truly positive.
This is especially true
for people who struggle with shame and low self esteem.
I'll give you an example of how the positive
can end up in the human shadow.
Let's say that a girl is born
with a definite sense of self;
She knows who she is, she knows what she likes,
she knows exactly what she doesn't like,
and she for sure speaks her opinion.
But let's say she came into a family that thinks that little girls
should be seen and not heard.
Little girls should keep sweet.
Little girls should not assert their opinion.
The aspect of her that are confident and assertive,
will be rejected by the family.
So for the sake of survival in the social group,
she will also begin to reject that in herself.
She will deny that aspect of herself,
in order to get love.
To the degree that as an adult,
she will most likely be sweet, quiet and obedient.
Her life will be painful
because she has exiled part of herself.
She is divided.
As an adult,
she may work with someone to discover what feelings
or believes or memories are part of her subconscious,
and discover that she is in fact, confident and assertive.
When she re-owns that aspect of herself,
she will have the confidence to create a life that feels good
and assert herself to those around her,
instead of remain obedient, to those around her.
I will also give you an example
of how the negative ends up in the human shadow.
Let's say you have a child, and that child feels really angry.
But they're born into a family where anger is not okay,
so when they feel angry,
they're shamed for that anger, they're punished for it.
They will try to disown, reject and dissociate themselves,
from that anger in every way that they can.
But the anger doesn't go away,
he just consciously denies it.
It becomes subconscious.
As an adult, this person will most likely
not have any awareness that he has anger in him at all.
He will not and cannot see himself clearly,
because he has denied that aspect of himself.
So when people tell him: "Man, you're really angry,
I can really feel the anger in you."
He will not relate to that at all.
He will probably only relate to himself as easygoing.
If he works with someone to discover the feelings,
beliefs and memories that are part of his subconscious,
he may discover that he really is angry.
And that that anger, has been coming out all along,
in passive aggressive ways
and hurting the people around him.
If he addresses the anger directly,
his passive aggressive behavior will cease to exist
and his relationships will become much more enjoyable.
When we deny, suppress, or disown something,
it doesn't disappear.
It just fades from our conscious awareness.
This is the real reason why we do so many things in life
that we don't understand why we're doing.
It's why we're still completely out of control of ourselves.
We're adults.
We have conscious minds,
we should be able to do this better,
and yet we keep falling into the same patterns,
doing the same crap.
That's because of your shadow.
Here's the number one reason though,
that people resist shadow work;
To acknowledge something
that you have suppressed into your subconscious mind
because you've rejected it, or disowned it, or denied it,
then you must come face to face with the pain
of having had to fracture yourself,
and lose an aspect of yourself,
for the sake of being loved.
The original pain of rejection
will come up every time you do that shadow work,
In other words, it will bring up the same feeling of rejection
that we were met with, the first time around,
from our parents and caregivers.
And so it makes us feel like
we're going to be exiled or punished again.
It sets off our survival mechanisms,
and thus makes us feel like we're quite literally, going to die.
No wonder self awareness isn't so easy to attain!
~ Laughter ~
Every human in existence that was ever socialized,
which is pretty much everyone on earth,
has gone through this process of splitting themselves into parts.
Splitting themselves into conscious and subconscious.
This self rejection is the birth of self hate.
And the emptiness that we feel,
is the remainder that's left over,
of those aspects of ourselves that we have suppressed,
and denied, and disowned,
and thus lost.
But the entire universe is on our side
to try to help us to become whole again.
Every process in the universe
is headed in the direction of growth and expansion.
And so, the self that is fractured,
seeks to become re-unified.
We will be presented with every single opportunity,
to see the aspects of ourselves
that we have rejected and denied and disowned.
We will be provided every single opportunity,
to confront our shadow self.
So it doesn't really matter how far we run,
or how well we think we might hide,
our shadow will keep chasing us,
until we are willing to do the work, that must be done with it.
This is really what Shadow Work is all about.
It's about conscientiously doing the work
of becoming conscious of what has become unconscious.
Now, unfortunately,
Shadow Work has become a rather controversial process,
especially in the positive focus community.
For this reason,
I want you, if you're watching this video,
to also watch my YouTube video that's titled:
Shadow Work Verses Positive Focus.
Shadow work can be painful.
It is true.
Self awareness does not come naturally
those who make a practice of avoiding pain,
because to become aware of those aspects,
you must stop trying to escape the pain and emptiness within you,
where those missing parts should be,
but it is also the key to a consciously aware and free life.
Shadow work is now a term often used in spiritual and psychology circles
to describe any process, of which there are thousands,
to make this subconscious conscious.
And the more aware you are of your shadow,
the more embodied you are as a conscious being.
No one ever reached enlightenment without confronting their shadow,
and exposing it to the light of consciousness.
Ultimately, shadow work is the work of bringing attention
and love to those aspects of yourself,
that have previously been rejected.
So if you ask me,
shadow work is in fact, the highest form of light work
that you can do.
Have a good week.