I've got the biggest arms, I've got the greatest charm,
and I do all the harm.
Martial arts are supposed to be an art, a form of expression.
There's no better way to express yourself than to speak.
Tito's car just got repossessed a week ago.
Tito has a Rolls Royce.
Now in fairness, that's a beautiful car.
I wouldn't own one because I'm not that big of a prick.
Guys, I was at craft services with Tito a little bit ago.
I threw an orange at his head.
It stopped a foot before his head
and started circling it like an orbit.
I heard that he tried to sell some suits
to make do on the car, but nobody had a size 52 stupid.
Every time he opens his mouth, I sit back.
I should just call you Dumb-Dumb.
You haven't even bit hit that many times,
and back when you were on top, everybody else sucked, too.
It was a contest to see who sucks the least.
I have no explanation for why the things
that come out of his mouth come out of his mouth,
or how they're meant to be, or if they're promotion
or if he's just a dummy. What was your question?
I'm out here in New York to do a press conference.
Wanderlei Silva doesn't show up. He doesn't even come to it.
You understand we're beaming him in via satellite, Ariel.
We could have used that satellite technology
to point it somewhere in the world and protect people lives.
Instead, we've got Wanderlei Silva coming to us
from a men's shelter bathroom in Brazil.
Yeah, man, I find it a little bit weird.
People want to talk about the vintage Wanderlei.
There was no vintage Wanderlei. There was a knucklehead in Japan
who had the skill of the writers on his side.
He didn't win anymore matches over there
by a big right hand knockout than Hulk Hogan won by leg drop.
Instead, people keep going to Wanderlei Silva.
You want to hear Wanderlei Silva?
You want to know how you could get
as much tantalizing conversation
from something as Wanderlei Silva?
Just talk to my shoe.
What's it going to be like, shoe?
What's it going to be like to walk into Madison Square Garden,
in front of a sold out arena,
with the biggest box office in history,
because Bellator called the King?
And you know what Wanderlei is going to say?
"Garble, garble, garble."
It's, "Garble, garble, garble, Mr. Sonnen!"
Do you see why I'm a genius?
Fedor's such a nerd.
Fedor Emelianenko, in his crowning moment,
is going to jerk the curtain, for Chael Sonnen.
So he comes out, he's got nothing to say.
He's wearing a sweater, all of the sudden,
I finally know where Waldo is.
Could you imagine how bad he wants to reach out and touch
the largest arm in West Linn,
Oregon that is sitting right next to him?
May I ask you a question? Can we change roles?
When Fedor was here, looking stupid,
when he was looking stupid,
and you asked him about getting to pull the curtain
back before Chael Sonnen walks out, was he excited?
Was he giddy? Did he say, "Mr. Sonnen"?
Did he say, "Is he here?" You could see the excitement.
You could see it. Through his translator.
I don't understand it! Why do we even throw to him?
We're trying to make a show here,
he wants to help out and that's how he's going to treat us?
That's a bunch of crap!
I could've held up a still photo of him.
"Ho ho ho, hum, and ho ho ho hum.
I'll be Putin a hurtin' on Fedor.
Get it? Because Russia.
Yeah, so June 14, I'm fighting Lyoto Machida at the Garden.
You guys should check him out, I've been surprised.
They asked me to come out to New York,
they said, "Chael, tell people who Machida is.
Bring him into people's full, let people know who he is."
This guy's all right.
People should give him a second look.
They should go to the internet, and type his name in,
and wait for little pictures pop up.
What an honor for him.
Could you imagine the excitement?
You find out you're going to Madison Square Garden
to take on the greatest of all time?
Lyoto Machida's officially the number one contender
at 185 pounds.
I am officially the number one contender at 205 pounds.
Machida's telling people he's gonna come to 205, beat me,
and then he gets to become the number one contender
at both divisions. And I see it just the opposite.
I could go back to 185 pounds anytime I want to.
And there's some kind of a misconception in his mind,
and I think the rest of the Middleweights' mind,
that they can relax.
That dad's gone, and the mice can go out and play.
Look, his dad used to make him get up and do karate.
In fairness, he used to make him do this before school.
Somewhere, his dad thought he'd get him up,
and so he had some great life himself, from doing karate.
I will tell you, as candidly as I know how to speak,
I do not respect karate. I have never respected karate.
And the reason I bring that up isn't to disparage him
or the three or four five-year-olds
out there that still do karate.
And while I appreciate him, he's going to appreciate me
the first time I get my hands on him.