(alarm chiming) - Time to go to work.
- Oh, can we get ice cream before?
- Who gets ice cream before they do the thing?
- You're right, let's get milkshakes.
- You know what, no, I'm not doing this with you today.
- I love frozen milk treats.
I'm not gonna apologize for it.
- [Josh] Oh my God!
(door slamming) - Seatbelt was messed up.
It wasn't my fault.
(light music)
- Hey, (body slamming)
oh God!
Geez.
Chester Hammond, right?
- Yeah, can I help you?
- That depends.
Let's just get into it.
So, this isn't gonna be easy
'cause you're great and we know you're great,
that cherry pie that you made for the company picnic,
that wasn't store bought, you made that with love.
You care about the people here.
- Yeah, thanks, how do you know who I am?
- You realize that we're on the brink
of another recession and some tough choices
are gonna have to be made.
You've been with the company 15, geez!
15 years you worked here?
- I'm sorry, I think you have the wrong guy, buddy.
- So, we're gonna have to let you go.
- We?
Who's we?
Do you work here?
- (laughing) No, no, I would never work here.
I have no idea what you do.
It's a labyrinth.
All the offices are empty.
Looks like "Vanilla Sky" in here.
- "Vanilla Sky" (laughing).
Did Roger put you up to?
I'm supposed to meet with my boss right now.
So, (laughing) that's good, that's good.
- Yeah, no, this is the meeting.
And it's not a prank.
It's an app.
- That looks like a picture of your parents?
- Oh God, I'm so sorry.
One second here. (phone chiming)
It's an app.
See, we grant wishes for people.
Let me show you.
Come on, let me show you.
Come on. - Why am I?
All right, show me I guess.
- We grant wishes for people.
Anything you want.
Music lessons, deliveries,
we'll show up to your dad's funeral,
we'll visit your grandma in the nursing home type thing.
So, your boss calls the nearest genie, which is me,
to fire you, which is you,
'cause he's not good at eye contact.
Which I mean, to be fair. (ominous music)
- What are you doing? - Eye contact.
See?
You're uncomfortable. - Yeah, I just got fired
by a guy who doesn't even work here.
What am I gonna do?
- You can be a genie. - God!
Who are you?
- Sorry, I'm Luke, I'm a genie too.
- When did you get here? - I snuck in during
the eye contact thing.
That was awesome, man, you were locked in.
Great job.
You're Chester.
You're the guy we're firing.
Awesome!
Look, okay, the point is, we'll hire anybody right now?
Man, it's open season.
They hired me, my name's not even Luke.
I just found a resume at Kinko's and ran with it.
That's how you gotta do it.
- Your name's not Luke?
(ominous music)
- See?
Eye contact.
We learned about it in training.
- My life is over, man.
Oh God dammit! - Hey, oh, no,
no, no, hey Chester, Chester.
(head banging) Chester.
It is over. - Right.
- It's over, I'm just being honest with him,
but your new life's just beginning.
Get in the lamp, man!
- What does that mean?
- It's our catch phrase.
- If you start working with us,
that's something that you never have to say.
That's a thing that he says.
He's trying to make it catch on.
It will never catch on. - It might catch on
if we get new people to say it.
- How do you sign up I guess?
- Oh, yes!
Help him out. - Let me show you.
It's alarmingly easy.
So you just put in your socials and stuff.
- I don't wanna work with him. - I don't wanna work with him!
He eats like 12 eggs a day.
- 12 eggs? - With a gallon of milk.
- With a gallon of milk? - I'm surprised
he's still alive.
He should be dead. - Josh, I think we gotta
get some of these for the car, man.
These are awesome!
Oh Chester, before we go, do you guys validate?
- Come on, man. - He is not the one to ask.
Why would you ask him that?
- Oh, because he got fired!
Oh, that sucks.
- I can't believe this is happening.
I went to college. - Oh, hey, hold on a second.
Where is your tux?
- I don't care enough about this job to rent a tux
for one hour.
- I'll have you know, I didn't rent this.
I found it in the garbage. - You look like a 48th grader.
- Ha ha, very funny, hilarious.
(light music)
- This place is a bummer.
Remind me how this happened. - Groom bailed this morning,
but family spent a lot of money obviously.
- Really? - So, she hired a genie.
- To marry? - Yes, to marry.
Can't waste the whole wedding 'cause Tucker got bitch feet
the night of the ceremony.
- Please, I am not supposed to look at you
before the wedding. - This is for the rest
of your life. - Ah please, no wedding
is for the rest of your life (laughing), stupid.
Plus, he's kinda cute. - You mean it?
- Yeah, we could probably work something out.
I just can't look jilted.
They put a deposit down, it's non-refundable,
they'll freak out. - But, they're not gonna care
if you marry a stranger?
- No one's met my fiance,
I don't need people in my business.
So, go in there, and sell this thing, okay Frankenstein?
- Yeah. - Everybody's watching.
The next man who ruins my big day, dies.
Come on ring boy, let's go.
Okay, all right.
- Whew, wow. - Damn,
she's like really hot, right?
That was crazy. - And mean, total package.
- If I woulda known. - I am so excited
for our honeymoon in Barbados.
I'm gonna send you tons of pics,
it's gonna be crazy.
- Wait, they're paying for you to go on a honeymoon?
- Josh, I'm her husband.
(tongue clicking) What's in there?
Empty head?
Just kidding.
I'm so excited that you're here, supporting me,
and I wouldn't have anyone else by my side
as my best man. - I'm not your best man,
it should be me.
I'm fun.
(light music) (curtains ruffling)
- Tucker, you look a little different than I remember.
- I got a little taller, had a growth spurt.
- Who the hell is that?
- I have no idea.
(feet running)
(chair knocking) Ooh, oh God!
- You were an African American gentleman when I met you.
- Father please, not now.
- Better be getting paid twice for this.
Stupid.
- Are you (beep) with me?
- What?
No, I'm Tucker man, I don't want trouble.
- You don't think I've played this game before?
- Look, I don't know what you want, but I--
- [Father] Do you think I'm new to this?
- No. - You don't think
I've seen things?
I will (beep) kill you.
- It's a beautiful day for a wedding.
("Wedding March" by Mendelssohn)
- If anyone has any objections to the union
between Tina and Tucker,
speak now or forever-- - I do.
(audience gasping)
- Yes! - Oh, we've never had
an objection before.
- Look, you don't have to marry him, okay.
He sleeps in a race car bed.
He can't even read. - I can learn.
I can learn. - Hey, hey!
You leave Tucker alone! - You will not get
in the way of my love.
- You don't even know him. - Sh, sh, sh, sh, sh.
Go to sleep!
I'm done with you.
Go to sleep, go to sleep.
Okay (laughing).
It's fine, everything's fine.
- Um, I now pronounce you husband and wife.
You may kiss your bride. (lips smacking)
- Amen. - Clap for us!
(crowd clapping) (triumphant music)
("Wedding March" by Mendelssohn)
(people clapping) (Luke yelling)
- So, I'm at Home Depot, right?
And the guys like, "Buddy, you're looking for Office Depot."
And then I woke up. (Luke laughing)
(body slamming) (men screaming)
- You gotta help me,
you gotta help me, man! - Oh my God!
Drive, drive! - I'm not gonna drive
with a guy on the car. (man yelling)
I am not going back to jail!
- What? - Please!
No, no! (body slamming)
- I'm sorry sir! (engine revving)
(light music)
(men yelling) (tires screeching)
(men panting) - Oh, that was terrible
for me. - Neither one of us
can judge the other person for how they reacted back there.
- Did you?
- Yes.
- Oh! - Oh, grow up, okay?
- What, me grow up? - We said we were not
gonna judge. - You said that,
I didn't say that. - Okay, fair.
- Oh my God. - But, let's just move on.
- Well, we got one.
- [Luke] Who is it?
- Well, it's a quarter mile behind us on the street.
- You don't think it? - Yeah, I think.
Yeah, let's just pull the whole thing around.
Pull a U-turn or something. - Nope, no need.
Mirrors.
Hey, sorry.
- You gotta understand. - My biggest phobia
is somebody jumping on my windshield.
Nothing to do with the blood or anything.
- And you could've been a homeless man,
jumping up trying to bite us or something.
- Yeah. - We don't know you.
- We don't, we don't at all. - You know what I mean?
Anyway, it says you wanna go to 145 Maple Street?
- Yes, the hospital man, I broke my leg.
- Oh!
- [Both] My leg.
- The bone's sticking out, ah, ah,
it looks like Alfred Hitchcock, his profile.
- Sir, we're gonna get you to the hospital right on time.
That's the genie guarantee. - Thank you.
- Yeah. - What if I rub
on the car and wish for a backseat?
- Yeah, how are we gonna fit Captain Ahab back here?
You barely fit.
- Strap him to the top like a kayak.
- Sound actually travels,
if you didn't know, at 141 miles per second.
- Okay, that's good, (man yelling)
this is step one.
This is step one.
Grab his arms, grab his arms, grab his arms.
Sir, you gotta help us.
I'm gonna slowly push him towards you.
- No! - Yeah, it's okay.
- Which one of you all's a vegetarian?
- It's me, it is me.
(man yelling) - I can only pull up.
- I can't look at it. (everyone screaming)
We're gonna get you to the hospital, sir,
I need you to stop crying. (man crying)
- Which one's the broken one?
If you are on this side,
then we can't drive.
- We gotta stabilize the neck, sh, sh.
- We're gonna have to break his other leg.
- Josh!
That's illegal.
- Well, we could make it look like an accident.
- What? - Nothing sir,
everything's fine, keep calm.
We are not doing that, okay?
We're gonna have to do it my way.
- No. - Yes.
- No, no thank you. - Yeah.
Come on. - No.
- Take one for the team. - No, no, no thank you.
No, that's not happening.
- So, I'm at Home Depot and the guys like,
"Buddy, you're looking for Office Depot."
And then I woke up.
- Dude, that's my dream.
- Oh yeah, it is.
- I wish this was a dream. - No sir,
this is a nightmare.