In June of 2019, I accepted the work of Almighty God in the last days.
A year later, I started my duty as a church leader.
I was grateful to God for giving me this opportunity to practice,
so I happily threw myself into my duty,
followed up and learned about the work,
and solved the problems my brothers and sisters had in meetings.
After a while,
most newcomers attended meetings on a regular basis,
and they spread the gospel and performed their duties.
The other work also produced some results,
and I couldn't help but feel a little pride.
I thought,
"It didn't take long in my leadership duty to solve some practical problems,
and my brothers and sisters respect me.
I must be much better than the last leader."
Gradually, I started to become arrogant.
When I inspected others' work,
I noticed some team leaders didn't understand the situation in their teams
and procrastinated in their duties,
and I became very impatient and scolded them.
When I saw that some of them felt constrained by me,
I realized I was showing my anger, and I felt a little guilty,
but then I thought, "I am working for the church,
and I can't achieve results if I'm not strict."
After that, I didn't reflect on myself, and the matters passed.
Before a meeting, I met with several watering group members
to discuss the meeting content to be fellowshiped with the newcomers.
I asked them to share their views first,
but after a long time, no one said a word,
and only one sister offered a little fellowship.
At the time, I was very angry.
I thought they were so useless
that they couldn't even talk about the meeting's content,
and I wanted to lose my temper at them,
but I was afraid this would upset them
and it would affect the meeting that evening,
so I prayed to God to cool my temper.
I thought, "None of them have opinions,
so I'll arrange the content of the meeting in accordance with my way of thinking."
But at the meeting,
I saw that some sisters didn't fellowship as I instructed,
and others didn't actively fellowship at all.
I was furious and wanted to lose temper,
but I feared the newcomers at the meeting would feel constrained,
so I kept myself under control.
After the meeting,
we didn't achieve the expected results,
and I felt sad.
When the meeting finished, I said,
"How do you feel about the results of tonight's meeting?
Tell me what problems or deficiencies you noticed."
A sister said she couldn't calm herself enough to fellowship,
another sister said the meeting was too short,
and other brothers and sisters followed suit,
saying there wasn't enough time….
After I heard it, my anger surfaced again.
I thought,
"Not only are you not aware of your problems,
but you are also looking for excuses.
I really ought to teach you a lesson."
Because of that, I used a passage of God's word to deal with them
and tell them that they were very passive when discussing the meeting content,
and that they made excuses
and didn't reflect on themselves when the meeting didn't go well.
None of the brothers and sisters dared to say a word.
Afterward, I was aware that my words were too harsh.
It wasn't right to deal with brothers and sisters that way.
But then I thought that I did this to help them know themselves,
and so I didn't reflect on my own problems.
After that, I reported to my leader
that the waterers had low caliber and no sense of responsibility in their duties.
I wanted her to send me good waterers
and I even wanted to remove a sister.
But my leader fellowshiped with me, saying,
"They have believed in God for a short time and have small stature.
We can't ask too much,
and we need to fellowship and help them."
She also said there were many newcomers who had accepted God's new work recently,
so they couldn't spare any waterers for me.
Once I heard this, I reluctantly accepted it.
Later, I found out that Sister Zhang, my partner,
didn't talk to me very much about work.
She was unwilling to tell me about any problems at work at all,
and at co-worker meetings, several deacons didn't actively fellowship.
Just a few days later, my leader said to me,
"Sister Zhang reported that you tend to scold and deal with people at meetings.
This makes people feel constrained,
so you need to properly reflect on this matter…."
I thought,
"I was pointing out their problems.
They don't know themselves, and say they feel constrained now,
but I never asked them to feel constrained.
It's their own issue if they feel constrained."
Later, I felt guilty,
and upon casual reflection,
I realized I had shown corruption while cooperating with my brothers and sisters,
which made them feel constrained.
I went to Sister Zhang to open up and fellowship,
and I said,
"I am someone who speaks directly and often gets angry.
Sometimes, in the partnership of my duties
I don't treat your corruption and deficiencies properly,
and I speak very harshly,
which makes you feel constrained."
I was surprised when Sister Zhang said,
"I think you are arrogant, self-righteous, have a terrible temper,
and love to talk down to and scold others."
I was stunned when I heard that.
I thought,
"I admit I'm arrogant,
but I certainly didn't speak down to any of you!
I opened up and told you so much just now,
but you don't know yourself,
and now you're digging up my problems."
I couldn't swallow that,
so I also pointed out some of her problems in her duties,
but I was taken aback when Sister Zhang immediately accepted what I said.
Seeing Sister Zhang accept my criticisms so well,
I felt ashamed and also a little uneasy.
I thought to myself,
"Since Sister Zhang pointed out my problems,
I shouldn't argue back, I should just accept it."
Because Sister Zhang said I was arrogant,
self-righteous, and talked down to people,
I reflected,
but after thinking about it for three days,
I still couldn't see what my problem was.
I went to Sister Zhang and asked her to clarify for me.
She said, "Last time, at the meeting summary,
you didn't ask us what specific problems we were having,
you just suddenly dealt with us.
It's not appropriate to deal with people like this
and is likely to make them feel constrained."
I thought, "Just because of this one incident,
you say I'm arrogant and like to speak down to others?
Isn't that a little unfair?"
I hastily explained, "I had a reason for dealing with you.
At first, I wanted to go over the mistakes.
I only lost my temper when I saw none of you knew yourselves."
I thought Sister Zhang would understand,
but she immediately said,
"I think you are too arrogant.
You demand that everyone listen to you,
and you regard your own ideas as the truth."
When I heard her say this, I felt confused.
I thought I heard her wrong, so I asked again to confirm,
and she told me very clearly, "That's right!"
I began to feel very afraid and thought,
"How dare I regard my own ideas as the truth?
I've never thought that way."
But I knew God's good intentions were behind me being dealt with like this,
so I quickly prayed to God
and asked Him to enlighten me so I could know myself.
During a devotional, I read two passages of God's words.
God's word revealed my true state.
All humankind has been corrupted by Satan and is full of satanic dispositions.
I certainly don't live in a vacuum.
I've also been corrupted by Satan.
How could I not have an arrogant disposition?
My sister dealing with me for being arrogant and talking down to people
came from God.
But I actually thought she spoke too harshly when she dealt with me.
I was so insensitive that I didn't know myself at all.
God's word says that if leaders can't fellowship on the truth, supply others,
analyze, or know themselves,
but only scold, speak down to others while giving sermons,
and always think they are better than others,
then they are the most arrogant and rebellious people.
I realized this was how I behaved in my duty.
When the work I was responsible for was effective,
or when my brothers and sisters approved of me,
I started to appreciate myself and felt I was better than others.
When I saw them doing things slowly,
I disdained them for not bearing their burden,
and instead of fellowshiping on the truth to help them,
I scolded them, blamed them, thinking they were lacking,
and I wanted to remove my sister who I thought had poor caliber
without even looking at if she was effective in her duties.
When we discussed the meeting content, my brothers and sisters were silent,
but instead of asking about their difficulties,
I looked down upon them.
During the meeting, when they didn't fellowship according to my plan,
I wanted to lose my temper and deal with them.
When I pointed out their problems, but they didn't recognize them,
I despised and belittled them in my heart,
and even harshly dealt with them.
I didn't consider at all their stature or difficulties.
My leader told me Sister Zhang felt constrained by me
and asked me to reflect,
but I didn't take it seriously,
and thought I dealt with Sister Zhang to help her better know herself.
I remembered Sister Zhang had once told me
there was a brother who had just started his duty
and didn't dare fellowship when I was present at meetings.
I thought nothing of it at the time.
Only now did I see that it was because I was always scolding people
that my brothers and sisters all felt constrained by me
and didn't dare fellowship,
but I didn't know my problems, and I despised them for not bearing a burden.
I really was so arrogant!
I didn't treat my brothers and sisters as equals,
nor did I try to understand or consider their difficulties
or try to fellowship on the truth to help them.
Instead, I scolded and criticized them condescendingly.
When God used Sister Zhang to prune and deal with me,
and point out my problems,
I didn't know myself at all and tried to defend and explain myself.
I thought I merely spoke directly and curtly.
I couldn't admit I was being condescending and scolding people,
or that I was treating my ideas as the truth.
I thought that Sister Zhang had just been exaggerating.
I always asked others to know themselves,
but I didn't reflect on my own corruption.
I always thought I was right and it was everyone else's fault.
I was so arrogant and irrational.
God used brothers and sisters to point out my problems time and time again,
to make me know myself, then repent.
Only then did I see God's mercy and tolerance for me.
Later, I read another passage of God's word.
From God's word, I understood that
people with arrogant and self-righteous natures exalt themselves,
belittle others, think they are always right, and think highly of themselves.
They even treat their own ideas as the truth
and can do evil or resist God at any time.
I thought back on my previous contact with others:
I never discussed my own experience
or exposed and analyzed my own corruption to guide them in knowing themselves.
Instead, I condescendingly exposed the brothers and sisters.
When they didn't understand,
I got angry, belittled them, and dealt with them,
making them feel constrained.
They didn't dare tell me if they had any problems,
which hindered their duties and impacted the effectiveness of church life.
All of this was caused by my arrogant nature.
I thought of how God expresses the truth to supply people
and expose our corruption and disobedience,
but He never forces us to accept or practice.
Instead, He patiently guides people
and arranges situations for them to experience His words and work.
Through experience, people gradually come to know themselves,
practice the truth, and grow in life.
God also has principles in dealing with people.
God treats every person fairly based on their stature and caliber.
He does not demand more than we can do.
He does not think highly of or look down on us.
But when I had some results in my duties,
I demanded people listen to me.
I didn't account for people's different situations
or treat people correctly according to principles,
and I always had high requirements for others.
When they couldn't reach my standards,
I despised, belittled, and even hoped to remove them as I wished.
When I reflected on the essence of what I had done,
I saw that I had arrogantly treated my own ideas like the truth,
insisted my point of view was right no matter what the time or place,
and told my brothers and sisters to listen to me.
I wasn't fulfilling my duties at all.
Wasn't I just resisting God?
I didn't expect my arrogant nature would lead me to do wicked things
that resisted God and harmed my brothers and sisters.
I was terrible and deserved to be punished by God!
Once I realized this, I was very grateful to God for protecting me
by allowing me to reflect on myself in time
and not go astray through my sister's advice.
Only now did I see I lacked the realities of truth.
I could still consider my own views and understanding as the truth,
and wanted my brothers and sisters to listen to me.
I was too arrogant and I didn't know a thing about myself.
After, I read a passage from the word of God.
As leaders, God instructs us to learn to fellowship on the truth
to solve problems and guide people in understanding the truth,
not to scold and deal with people for every slight,
show our strength, and make others fear us.
These are the actions of a false leader and an antichrist.
God exalted me with a leadership duty,
yet not only did I do no practical work,
I didn't benefit the life entry of my brothers and sisters
in any substantial way.
I always blindly scolded and dealt with my brothers and sisters,
causing them to feel constrained by me, fear me, and avoid me.
I thought of a false leader who was dismissed the previous month,
because he did no practical work,
couldn't solve the difficulties his brothers and sisters faced in their duties,
and only blindly dealt with people and accused them of doing a bad job,
to the point of causing one sister to cry,
saying she felt constrained by him.
She lived in a weak and negative state
and thought that she couldn't perform her duties.
This false leader's actions caused serious harm to the work of God's house
and the life entry of his brothers and sisters.
Wasn't I the same as this false leader?
I didn't have the realities of truth
and didn't focus on pursuing the truth or dispositional change.
I could only blindly scold and deal with people from my arrogant disposition.
I was walking the path of false leaders and antichrists.
Continuing like this was dangerous!
Later, I saw a passage of God's word.
From God's words, I understood that
leaders and workers must be able to fellowship on God's word,
to guide others in understanding the truth and entering into its reality.
Leaders and workers must also understand and resolve the troubles and difficulties
others encounter in their duties,
so that as brothers and sisters perform their duties and in their real lives,
they can learn to practice the truth and make progress in life.
This is the most fundamental job of leaders and workers.
However, I did not understand people's difficulties,
nor did I fellowship on the truth with them to resolve their problems,
and I always accused and made demands of them with an attitude of disdain.
Actually, pruning and dealing have their principles.
They require discerning different situations and backgrounds.
If someone does something that disrupts or disturbs the work of God's house,
damages the life entry of their brothers and sisters,
and doesn't change after repeated fellowship,
they should be pruned and dealt with.
Some people often muddle through in their duties
and don't repent despite fellowship,
and they should be pruned and dealt with.
When people knowingly sin or know the truth but don't practice it,
they must also be pruned and dealt with.
When we deal with others, we cannot speak doctrine,
nor can we do that willfully or in a blind temper,
and much less can we scold them in a condescending manner.
We need to correctly see the problem's essence and fellowship on the truth,
so that they know what their mistake is,
what corrupt disposition controls them,
and the essence of their actions.
When dealing with brothers and sisters and exposing their corruption,
we need to stand on an equal footing with them.
We can't exclude ourselves, as if we aren't corrupt.
But I didn't understand the principles of pruning and dealing with people.
When I saw my brothers and sisters
muddling through and procrastinating in their duties,
instead of offering fellowship on the truth to help them,
I scolded and dealt with them condescendingly.
As a result, instead of gaining knowledge of themselves,
they felt constrained by me and became passive and weak.
Actually, my leaders had told me
that some brothers and sisters had just started their duties,
didn't understand some principles,
so there would inevitably be some mistakes and deviations in their duties,
and I shouldn't always deal with them in such situations.
Instead, I should understand their deficiencies and trouble,
lovingly support and help them,
and guide them in understanding the principles of truth.
If I had helped and guided them many times,
and if they knew how to practice, but didn't repent or change,
I should have pointed out the essence of their problems,
helped them know themselves according to God's word and principles.
Only pruning and dealing like this accords with God's will,
and it helps the work of God's house
and the life entry of our brothers and sisters.
One day, my leader sent a message to the group
to investigate the state of an item of work,
but my partner and the team leaders didn't respond in time.
I thought, "Why didn't my brothers and sisters proactively respond?
They are far too passive about their duties."
When it was time for our meeting, I brought up this problem,
and when everyone was silent, I involuntarily lost my temper again
and accused them of being too slow and passive in their duties.
When I finished, they were still silent,
and I thought,
"Did I expose my arrogant disposition again
and make my brothers and sisters feel constrained?"
At that moment, I looked at my computer
and realized that my microphone had been muted as I fellowshiped.
This was when I realized God was protecting me
and preventing me from harming my brothers and sisters.
I felt a deep sense of remorse and hated myself for showing arrogance again.
Then I turned on my microphone and calmly asked them
why they did not reply to the message in time.
That was when I learned my partner didn't have internet,
and the others didn't grasp principles or understand the situation,
and didn't know how to respond.
I patiently fellowshiped with everyone
about how to implement this work according to principles.
When I practiced in this way, I felt a little more at ease.
Later, I read another passage of God's word.
From God's word, I understood that
I'm a tiny created being, someone who is deeply corrupted,
and that I should stand on an equal footing with my brothers and sisters
and perform my duty well.
This is what it means to be sensible.
Now, when I follow up on church work,
I will no longer rashly get angry and scold my brothers and sisters.
I make a conscious effort to understand their difficulties,
and I seek the truth with everyone.
Slowly, my brothers and sisters and I become able to cooperate harmoniously.
These changes I have been able to make
are the result of God's judgment and chastisement,
and I am grateful to God for saving me.