How do you increase emotional maturity in a child?
Can you even? The answer is yes. I'm Nicholeen Peck and I'm a parenting and relationship expert.
And this video is all about how you can increase the emotional maturity in the child in your life.
In this video, I'm going to share with you 4 ways that you can increase the emotional
maturity in your child. And I'm even going to be including some skills. So, watch for those
because those really help so that you know what to say to help them conquer themselves. Number 1,
take them along with you in your work and in your play. So, if you want your child to mature
emotionally, they need to be a closer part of your life. I don't know if most people realize
the connection that bond with parents has to the maturing process. But it definitely relates.
In fact, children who have better bonds with their parents and who work and play more alongside their
parents usually become more mature. Why? Because their main playmate is who? An adult. They start
seeing the world through your lens, instead of just through the lens of the neighbor child
or the tv. And if you show them the world through your lens and you show them how to solve problems,
then emotionally they start seeing things with a can-do attitude just like you do. Number 2,
discuss often. Talk to your children a lot. In my family, we have this moment every morning, we
call it the canon. And this is the time where our family has a devotional time together but i also
read to my children and we discuss great ideas that I've found. We also discuss current events.
We discuss the things in our life that seem to be mattering the most in the world at the time. These
meaningful discussions lead to maturity. And when they see how you handle the problems that you're
discussing that you talk about them and that you strategize for well how are we going to handle
that, then they develop that emotional maturity that you have. Parents setting the example of
discussion instead of reaction is vital to help a person be able to mature emotionally. Since we're
talking about discussing and about emotions, it is important for your child to discuss their emotions
with you. Not in a way where they're complaining or whining but in a way where they're saying,
"This is what I feel. This is what happens to me at this time. What should I do about that?" And
you give them solutions for how to not be in bondage to that emotion, how to recognize it,
and take the appropriate action. So, don't just discuss things in the world but also discuss
things in their bodies and in their hearts too. Another thing that's great for emotional
maturity and development is for a child to get big responsibilities. I know that seems like
that could be overwhelming. But it actually isn't if there's good training that accompanies those
responsibilities. So, that means you're going to allow your children to do work. Real work. You're
going to teach them to cut food and cook food and not just do cleaning and pick up the light things
but how to disinfect and organize and how to do the big things. In fact, you might even teach them
how to do something big like make a stained glass window or piece together a quilt. Take on projects
with them that push them past their normal abilities and teach them how to get through the
project because you're right there with them. When you teach your children to go through big projects
and take big responsibilities then they know they can do stuff. They can conquer their little fears
and their little insecurities because they had to conquer them day after day working on the project
with you. It is a lot of work and there's a lot of responsibility that builds character for our
children. And I think sometimes we actually go too easy on them. But we don't have to abandon
them with a big job. We lead them through it. We do it with them so that then the next time,
maybe they can do it themselves. Finally one of the best things that we can do to help our
children emotionally mature is to teach them the skills of self-government. So, self-government is
being able to determine the cause and effect of any given situation and possessing a knowledge
of your own behavior so that you can control them. So, this means that you are able to analyze what
it is that you hope to accomplish with a skill. You know the steps to the skill to follow to reach
that end goal and then you analyze how you did and you self-correct along the way. Of course,
a child doesn't just immediately know how to self-govern. A parent has to train them. So
what that means is the parent teaches skills, the parent does corrections and praises and helps the
child learn problem solving strategies so that then over time, the child becomes better and
better at it themselves. By the time they reach adulthood or maybe in their later teen years, they
are fantastic at self-governing themselves. I have a child at home right now who's 16 years old. And
he gets up at his set time. He studies, he goes to his appointments, he does his jobs which he has 3
of because he wants them. He wants to earn money. He works with his dad in construction, he does all
of the shipping for teaching self-government and he works at a local food establishment. And he's
prepping for college early. The guy, the other day, I was looking out the window because I heard
the lawnmower and he was just out there doing the lawn. He saw something that needed to be done. He
knew he could do it and he put it into his daily plan. That's what it looks like when a person can
self-govern. He is living like a man who's running a family already. And he still is in our home
as a 16-year-old youth. That's what's possible when a person learns how to follow instructions,
except no answers, accept consequences, disagree appropriately. Key skills like that when they
learn those from their parents then they end up applying them to their own life afterward. One of
those self-government skills that my son learned early on in fact it's one of those skills that we
are most particular about is how to be calm. When you feel like maybe you don't want to, how do you
be calm anyway. That's a key self-government skill and it is not just for our children.
It's for us too. If we're going to have them learn self-government, we have to set the example which
means we need to show them calmness. If you think you might benefit from calmness then I have a free
gift for you. I would like to give you completely for free my Calm Parenting Toolkit. There's a link
to it in the description to this video. Just click the calm parenting toolkit and you can have this
free course which will help you learn more about self mastery and calmness and help you bring that
calmness to your children too. Click on the link for the calm parenting toolkit. And get on the
road to more calmness, more self-government more emotional maturity for yourself and your children.