- Can you believe there's four more days until Christmas.
It feels like Christmas here in Los Angeles.
It's freezing here.
And--it really is to us.
This is fre-- it's so cold,
people are buying hoverboards just for the heat
when they explode.
[laughter]
It's a fun day for the people who work here
because it is, uh, our staff party tonight--
our staff holiday party.
And it happens every year.
[cheers and applause]
And, uh, yes, we're excited.
We, um-- everybody who works here
dances and drinks and then we finish work
and go to the party.
And, uh, a lot of you probably have already, uh--
you've gone to your holiday parties
in the past for sure.
And I want you to be prepared for what you might experience
so I thought I'd help you out.
Uh, bring out my bar please.
[cheers and applause]
[laughter]
Oh, uh-- oh, boy.
There's some balancing going on here.
[laughter]
All right, so, here we have--
under the sheets are people that, uh,
at your office holiday party.
And, uh, first we have the secret couple.
And they--
they've been keeping their relationship
in the closet for the past six months.
[laughter]
And now you know why you've been hearing
so much moaning coming from the supply closet.
After a few drinks, they can't keep their hands
off each other.
So, uh, always bring a spare sheet
so you can cover them up again.
All right.
All right, and then you make think
that you can stay in the back and avoid everyone,
but then you run into the bitter spouse.
Is this the bitter spouse? No, over here?
I don't know where anybody is.
Are you the bitter spouse? - Mm-hmm.
- Okay.
[laughter]
His wife dragged him to the party,
and it means he couldn't watch his football game.
So now he's refusing to have a good time.
He won't smile no matter what you do.
Uh... [laughter]
He--he won't-- - I'm bitter.
smile. - I'm bitter.
He's--he's so bitter. He's such a good actor.
You can't get him to smile.
Oh, he's so mad and bitter.
- I-- - Why did they cast you
as the guy?
[laughter]
[cheers and applause]
He's another uncomfortable couple
that you'll want to avoid.
Um, this is the awkward IT guy.
Um...
[laughter]
Don't back up anymore whoever you are.
Um, and his Tinder date.
And, uh, they're meeting for the first time tonight.
- He said he was six feet tall, and she said she was 5'7".
Now you can try mixing in with the crowd,
and that's where you'll find Carol from finance.
Oh, boy.
[laughter]
[imitates nibbling]
[laughter]
- Oh, come on. Do him.
- It worked.
She dresses like Hilary Clinton,
but tonight she's letting her freak flag fly.
And you get to see so much more
than you ever wanted to see.
Like her tramp stamp.
[laughter]
Still, Carol is better than what you'll find over here.
It's the office floozy.
- Uh-oh. - Oh.
[laughter]
[cheers and applause]
- Sorry. - Don't--
Don't get too close or she'll rub up against you
like a cheese grater.
And here's one more person you'll find
at every office party.
It's the lady who won't stop dancing,
and that's me. So let's dance.