*wapish* Top o' the mornin' to ya laddies!
My name is jacksepticeye and welcome back to
Mr.President!
Number one security guard Jackaboy
back in action!
The fuckin' sexiest rock hard pecks that the world has ever seen!
Not me in real life.
In the game.
In real life..Noooooo
So we're gonna get in and try and save the "President"
I just wanna try and save him 'cause the fucking ragdoll physics are awesome!
And I wanna jump in front of shit and knock down walls
and pile driver the- ohhhhhhh god.
WHAT?
WHY?
Okay. Slow motion, we gotta slow motion this shit... THROUGH THE BARRELS
Ain't nobody taking out my president!
Not on Jackaboy's watch!
*slow motion rambling about the president*
I'm coming!
Get ready!
HUH!
I saved ya! I fuckin' did it!
I did it! I saved him!
Wave to the crowd, Mr. President!
Oh, we're gonna fuckin' dance it ou- dance the night away!
I didn't even-
Oh, I pressed two. Oh, thank God.
I thought I replayed the fuckin' level for a second.
*crowd cheering*
WHAT?
OH GOD, HOW DO I SAVE YOU UP THERE?!
HOW-How am I supposed to get up there?
HELLO?
AH, MOTHERFUCKER-OOHHHHH
Hey, I can actually see the sniper this time!
Hello!
Why did I not press more buttons last time?!
I can kick!
I can f-WHOA, I CAN ROUNDHOUSE!
Roadhouse!
Damn!
I wanna see if I can knock this shit over.
Can you get up? Thanks!
Just fuckin'- HUH-PEH!
I CAN! That's how I'm gonna do it!
I wanna see the fuckin' sniper!
IT'S JUST-
It's just Scorpion from Mortal Kombat dressed up in black! Instead of yellow!
Aw, that's it.
You trying to take out my El Presidente?
NOT TODAY!
DON'T WORRY FOLKS! I GOT THIS!
SPECIAL AGENT JACKSEPTICEYE IN THE BULDING!
Wait for it..
BUH, FUCK YOOUUUU!
YES!
I SAVED HIM!
I mean, all he has to do is..aim in that direction again
and he'd be fine, but
I SAVED HIM!
Okay, now what?
Open borders-OH HE BUILT THE WALL!
TRUMP, YOU BASTARD!
YOU WEREN'T SUPPOSED TO ACTUALLY DO IT!
I thought it was all just a ploy! I thought it was all just stupid remarks to try and get you the presidency!
...did I save him from a taco?
"Rump dead, body guard fails"
HE WAS KILLED BY A TACO!
I know Trump hates Mexicans and all that stuff.
but C'MON!
Tacos are delicious!
I WOULD LOVE TO BE HIT BY A GIANT TACO IN THE FACE!
HIT ME! Hit me with the giant taco!
I'll just- *Nom*
Okay- HUH!
OH GOD, now I'm over here!
Aw, the tacos are falling from the sky!
I'm not gonna be able to save him in time!
He's dead.
Son of a FUCKIN' DIDDLYHOLE.
INCOMING! PFFT
DJUHHHH
GET UP
There's one taco! Oh, yes.
Now we've to move you out of the way
FOR THE SECOND TACO!
HE DIES JUST BY TOUCHING IT?!
WHO AM I TALKING TO?!
SON OF A BITCH!
You know what, I should just fuckin' let you die by tacos.
You don't appreciate them!
You don't look at tacos the same way I do!
Get up!
*Sigh and prolonged eye contact*
I'MA SAVE YOU! ROADHOUSE KICK!
BUUUUHH-*laughter*
That was awesome!
He's in the crowd now, is he safe?
Is he safe on the- SON OF A FUUU-
I feel like the only thing that would actually save him
is DEATH ITSELF!
Get out over there!
Are you safe from the first taco?
I thought that fuckin' wig would protect you!
He's about to be killed! NOOOOOOO
WUUUUHHH
SAVED HIM! SAVED HIM FROM THE SECOND TACO!
Is there more?
There's a third taco, isn't there?
YES! TWO TACO!
TWO TACO TUESDAY!
OH! SPICY SAUCE~!
OH, I PRESSED R!
I'm so used to just pressing R, that I pressed it instinctually.
FUCK MY LIFE!
There, you're safe from the first one.
I want to fuckin' save him from the second one as well.
Watch this shit, WATCH THIS SHIT.
♪~Secret agent man, secret agent man~!♪
♪~They've given you a number and taken away..your..plan.
What're the lyrics? I dunno.
Nnnext scene!
Ohhh, God, I have to flip over barrels?
FFWUHHUUHH
*gasp*
I'M SO AWESOME!
OHH MY GOD!
THIS IS AMAZING!
HUH
LOOK AT THESE FUCKIN' SWEET FLIPS
Oh, you WISH you could do these flips-
that one wasn't as fuckin' fluid as the others.
S'okay, s'okay. s'okay, we're gonna make it!
*gunshot* NOOOOOO!
At least I look fuckin' awesome!
I can just..I can just flap like a bird if I want.
I'm cool! What else can I do?
DUDE, I CAN DANCE!
Who needs to- OH, TWERK IT OUT!
OH! OH! Who needs to save the president when you got fuckin' dance moves like this?
OH, somebody stop me, 'cause I am straight FIRE right now!
...how am I doing that?
You know when you see a dick, that's just way too good not to suck?
This is what it looks like.
BLAGHRGHLABAGHRAGHRAGHBLAGRHLABAGHRAGH
I did it. I did it. I did it. I did it. I'm still goin'. I'm still goin'.
I'm gettin' out over this one.
MR. PRESIDENT! DOWN ON THE GROUND, DOWN ON THE GROUND!
I got this! I'm goin'! I'm goin'!
I'm gonna take him out! I got him!
Wait for it!
*gunshot* NOOOOO, YOU MOTHERFUCKER, YOU KILLED HIM!
YOU BLEW HIM UP!
DAMN YOU ALL TO HELLLL!
I might be gettin' a little..too into this game.
*more slow motion rambling about the president*
HUH!
YES! YES!
I SAVED HIM!
I mean, I don't feel good about saving Trump every now and then,
but I feel good just about the fact that I did my duty.
that I went out there as the world's
STRONGEST, JACK "ROCK HARD" JOHNSON
out there, in the middle of everybody.
Ah, I almost pressed R again!
I almost did it!
Yes!
I FUCKIN' DID IT, I'M THE BEST!
Okay, what else we got?
God, this game gets me pumped.
This is the one we just did, uh..
"Promises to bring jobs back to America"
Suuuure..
How about a promise to bring..
my fist, to the rightful hand of justice, that is the bullets?
Oh god, he's all the way up there. OH.
Hello migrant workers that have do horrible jobs for very little money
making Trump haaaaaats- *gunshot*
WHAT?
How the FUCK was I supposed to get there in time?
Where's that killer? Am I able to do something about that?
Am I able to climb this?
I'm not able to do anything! Am I able to knock it over?
Wait 'til we see. Roadhouse!
Nnnope, I just fell flat on my fuckin' stupid ass.
How in the hell was I supposed to have saved him?
*realization*
OOOOHHHHOOH! Let's see if I can do this!
HUAH!
WHOO! Nope, LOOK OUT!
AHHH!
I got it! I got it!
HUAH!
And away we go!
Oh god, I'm not gonna make it.
I'm not gonna make it.
Oh god, his hat stayed in the same place.
Okay, watch this, watch this.
HUAH!
AH, MY FACE!
UUUUAGHHA
GET HIM, KNOCK HIM DOWN!
NO! I'm right here, President, FUCK IT!
*sings Chariots of Fire*
*giggling*
*even more slow motion rambling about the president*
*laughter*
Hey, I'm fine!
What're you on the ground for? Here, lemme eat your face!
BLAGHRGHLABAGHRAGHRAGH-*laughter*
KIIICK FLIIIP
HUAH!
Yes! KNOCK HIM DOWN!
WHAT DOES IT TAKE FOR YOU TO GET SOME SENSE?!
I got it! I got it!
NOOOHO
DON'T GOT IT!
Well, that was just pathetic!
HUAH!
FUCK!
C'MON MAN!
YES!
YES, I DID IT!
WHOOO!
WE'RE ALL SAVED! FREE HATS FOR EVERYBODY!
*chanting* FREE HAT! FREE HAT! FREE HAT!
What d'ya got next for me?
Uuuhhhmmm..
What?
Well, this just seems nice!
Aw, Jesus, he fell in the fire!
"Skin tanner, or sixth degree burns? Rump found burned alive"
How the fuck do I get there in time?
HUAH!
Das not gon' work!
Das failure! *pfftb*
AHHH
UM, I'll be right back!
I'm just going over here, I heard they have a sale on-fuck
I'ma comin'! I'ma comin'! Through Fire And Flames!
Jackaboy will do his DUTY!
Get up, get up! FOR THE LOVE OF GOD GET UP!
ARE YOU BURNING ALIVE?
ROCK HARD JOHNSON DOESN'T HAVE TIME TO BE BURNING ALIVE!
HE GETS UP, AND HE FULFILLS HIS DUTY!
Or he just lying on the ground like a lil' BITCH!
I'ma just lie here, BUT I'M COMING BABY!
I'MA COMING!
JACK'S COMING! HAAH!
I FUCKIN' DID IT!
OHH!
MIDAIR SWIPE, HE WAS LIKE:
"Oh, my knees are a little weak!"
And I was just like: "NOT TODAY! HUAH!"
That was awesome!
Aw, that felt good. What's next?
Oh God, he's right in the middle of all the migrant workers.
What am I supposed to do?
HUUUUAH!
Outta my way! 'Scuse me!
Pardon me! Oh! Very nice hats!
Do they come in a different colour? No? That's fine.
How much time-*gunshot*Ahhh..
Okay, my plan for now is to run around.
I'm a fuckin'-
I'M A FOURTH DEGREE MARATHON RUNNER!
NOTHIN'S GONNA STOP ME!
There's shadows coming from OUTSIDE!
How in the BLUE BALLS am I supposed to stop that?
There's nobody even firin' the shot-*gunshot*-I'm coming!
I'm coming! Oh, there's no back entrance..
ROCK HARD JOHNSON HATES WHEN THERE'S NO BACK ENTRANCE!
Almost have it!
*gunshot*
NOOOOO! SON OF A FUCK!
You gotta run forward
You gotta jump on a table
JUMP ON A TABLE!
Yes. YES. YES!
Aw that's it! That it! You deserve that one!
I came up and I booped you on the side of the head
and I said "Hello! Could you fall down? No? Okay, fuckin' die then, see if I give a shit!"
Okay, well that does it for this episode of Mr. President! Might come back, and finish some of the other levels,
people did say in the comments that there was a surprise,
later on in the levels, I dunno if it was the tacos or not or if there some like,
REALLY weird shit that happens in way later levels, but I might come back to try and figure out what they are
but for now..
THANK YOU GUYS, so much for watchin' this episode!
If you liked it, punch that like button in the face, LIKE A BOSS!
And, high fives all round! *wapish* *wapish*
But thank you guys, and I will see all you dudes
IN THE NEXT VIDEO!
*outro music*
I'm so pissed off at Trump that my voice is going 14 pitches too high.