-All right!
All right!
All right.
We're having a good time. Okay.
I just got a new TV recently,
and I wanted to get rid of the old one,
but I didn't want to throw it away,
so I decided I would take it to Goodwill, right?
And I showed up at Goodwill with this old TV,
and the Goodwill guy was like, "Nah."
[ Light laughter ]
He said, "We don't take TVs like that anymore."
But they did take it.
Later that night when they were closed.
[ Laughter ] Know what I mean?
I'm not getting rejected from Goodwill
is what I'm telling you.
[ Laughter ]
I didn't get my receipt, though,
so I won't be able to claim that on my taxes.
So that'll be a tough year. [ Laughter ]
You ever do that? You drop off a bag of clothes
at Goodwill and they're like, "You want a receipt for that?"
I'm like, "Nah, I don't want proof
I ever owned these clothes."
[ Laughter ]
It's like, "You see what I'm wearing.
Imagine what I'm giving away for free."
You know what I mean? All right. Okay.
[ Applause ]
Thank you. Thank you.
Hi, hi. Thank you.
I like to wave like this. I do this a lot.
I like to wave like this at the end of a joke.
Just let you know that joke's over.
[ Laughter ]
Okay. All right.
I like to get picture frames at Goodwill.
Sometimes you get a good deal on a frame in there.
And sometimes you can get pictures
of other people's family in there.
I don't know how that happens.
People are like, "Well, I'm done with this frame
and this family."
[ Laughter ] Yeah.
[ Applause ]
"Yeah, they mean a lot to me, but not enough
to bend a staple in the back."
[ Laughter ]
"Just don't have that kind of time."
[ Laughter ]
[ Cheers and applause ]
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. All right.
Okay.
[ Applause ]
I got this hat at Goodwill.
This hat changes me.
A lot of people don't know that it changes me,
'cause you haven't seen me without it on, right?
But if I take this hat off, you're like, "Oh, man,
I bet that guy likes rock music right there."
If I put this hat on, you're like,
"Nah, he's got a rock collection."
[ Laughter ]
Know what I mean? Okay. All right.
We're having a good time. Okay. Thank you.
Thank you. Thank you.
If I take this hat off, you're like,
"Man, that guy looks like the lead singer
from the rock band Korn." [ Laughter ]
If I put this hat on, you're like, "Nah, he grows corn."
[ Laughter ] You know what I mean?
Okay. All right.
If I take this hat off, you're like,
"Man, I bet that guy smokes weed right there."
Mm-hmm. And I put this hat on,
you're like, "Nah, that guy definitely smokes weed."
[ Laughter ]
You know what I mean?
[ Applause ]
This hat can't change everything.
You know, it's not a magic hat.
How many people thought my hair was attached to this hat?
[ Laughter ] You know what I mean?
Yeah. [ Cheers and applause ]
A lot of people think that.
A lot of times, people tell me I look like Forrest Gump
after he ran for a long time. [ Laughter ]
You know what I mean? Okay. All right.
I went to someone's house the other day
and they asked me to take my shoes off
before I came inside.
And I hate that, you know?
Show up at somebody's house, they're like,
"Hey, come on in.
You mind taking off your shoes?"
I'm like, "Nah, I'll just go home."
[ Laughter ]
You know what I mean?
That's right. That's right.
I went to this flea market the other day,
and I love a good flea market.
And I was in there, and this lady had this great deal
on DVDs, right?
She had three DVDs for $5.
And that's a great deal.
So I was like, "I'm going to go ahead and get six of these,
that way I can get six for $10." You know?
Three for $5 two times, right?
[ Laughter ]
Pretty easy, right?
This lady couldn't understand her own deal, right?
[ Laughter ]
I went up to her, I was like,
"Hey, I'd like to get these DVDs."
She goes, "How many you got there?"
I said six.
She said, "You know it's three for $5, right?"
I was like, "Yeah, six for $10."
She goes, "Well, I guess."
[ Laughter ]
[ Cheers and applause ]
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
I was like, "Nah, this is your deal.
This is just three for $5 two times, right?"
So I figure it's settled, right?
I figure now I'm getting it for 10 bucks, right?
Then I hear her back there doing math.
[ Laughter ]
She's going... [ Imitates whispering ]
She closes her eyes. [ Imitates whispering ]
She goes, "All right, that will be $15."
I was like, "Listen, I'm not even trying
"to bargain with you right now.
This is your deal." [ Laughter ]
"This is just three for $5 two times.
"You want, I'll buy these three,
and then I'll take off this hat..."
[ Laughter, applause ]
All right. Hey, thank you very much.
Thank you. [ Cheers and applause ]
♪♪
-Oh, my God!
Oh, that's what I'm talking...
Dusty -- Dusty Slay!
[ Cheering ]
For more, check out dustyslay.com.