(upbeat music)
- I love you.
- I love you more.
- (sighs) See, now you're hitting on my competitiveness.
Now I'm like, I have to say, "I love you most."
- Well, if it comes to the love stuff, I want that smoke.
I know how to love somebody.
- You could have just said, "I love you too."
- I'm gonna show somebody more love.
- But you have to say "more?"
- Yep.
- I love you most. You can't beat most.
- I love you more than the most.
- No. That doesn't count.
- What is something we don't talk about, but should?
- Okay, so for the first part,
I was gonna say, like, sex.
But I don't think that we should talk about it.
At least not at this point.
- Why not?
- I feel like it's too early.
And, you know, if we're waiting until marriage...
- Yeah.
- So, I feel like there's no, like, point to talk about it.
- So, I have a response to that,
because I do curate a space,
because you know that I feel that sex education
is extremely important, especially to Christians.
- Yeah.
- And in that, because it's not really
talked about in general, in the church,
that we're doing a disservice to the members.
So, you know, I'd be all over trying
to learn more about sex, not just in the physical act of it,
but what leads to it, what that kind of intimacy is,
and then just reproductive health
and stimulation and all those things.
- Yeah.
- I think, as we move forward,
it will continue to move up the priority list,
that I feel it is a conversation we will need to have.
- Yeah.
- Prior to marriage.
- I agree.
I also think that, like, sex education is important,
given all the things that you said, you know,
about how the church doesn't really talk about it enough.
But I was thinking as far as like the details of it.
- Oh, like what you like? (laughs)
- (laughs) Yeah, like that is like, no.
- Yeah. And I can see that for you.
You know what, going back to the hesitancy question.
- No, don't go back.
- I think that's something you'd be hesitant to tell me,
is what would be your pleasure,
what would be your sexual pleasures.
- Wow, okay. This is what we're talking about.
- Because, you know, I am very much able
to have that conversation.
- You are.
- Very, I can dissociate.
So, I think that's something that you would be hesitant,
like to just talk about sex, all right.
- To talk about it like it's a concept,
is like not a problem.
- Like, no, talking about it with you.
I can disassociate the conversation from the act.
- Oh. - Yeah.
- Yeah.
- But I feel like that is a little,
that is still a hurdle that we'll have to cross.
But I think we still have a lot of time before we have to.
- We have a lot of time.
- God-willing.
- But I don't think that we should talk about it,
so I feel like that was an adequate answer.
- Okay.
- So what is something that we should talk about.
- Money?
- I would agree with that. Like how we handle money.
- Yeah.
- I think I'm pretty bad.
I think that's a good one, money and like, debt too.
'Cause that's a goal.
- 'Cause I have it and you don't.
- I don't.
- But you don't, you're in the position where you're like,
"I really am not trying to get it."
- Yeah.
- And I think you can do it.
It's a discussion of like,
we both are very passionate about our fields.
- Yeah.
- And especially with, when I think
about Christian relationships,
I do also think about traditional dynamics,
but I don't think our relationship
would be a traditional dynamic.
- What do you mean?
- So for example...
- Oh, like as far as like you would be the breadwinner.
- Like I'd be the sole breadwinner
and then I go to work every day,
I come home and then, say we had kids,
I'm not as involved with the rearing of the children
as you might be, or you're the one
who's cooking and cleaning.
- That would be like super traditional.
- Yeah, like you enjoy cooking...
- Yeah.
- But I feel like I'd be more of the one
to do the cleaning.
- And I was gonna say that one of my goals
is to not have any debt, like before I get married.
- Yeah.
- Or I mean, like, for both of us.
- Oh.
- To not have any debt.
- Okay. That's different from my goal.
- I thought I told you that.
- No. I didn't know that, I didn't know that part.
- My goal is to not have any debt
and have a year of therapy.
- Yeah, I mean we're on track for the year of therapy.
- Are we?
- Yeah, I mean we just have
to find our person at this point.
- That's true.
- As individuals, we just have to find our person.
That's the hard part, is finding your person.
- Yeah.
Okay.
What do you think intimacy means for me in our relationship?
- Um...
What does it mean?
- Yeah.
- I think it means that you feel safe with me.
I think it means that you can trust me
and that you trust my leadership.
- That's good.
- Am I wrong, am I right?
- No, that was a good answer.
- Dope.
- I think for you, it's definitely
a lot more physical touch.
'Cause that's one of your top love languages
and words of affirmation.
- Yeah.
But, you know what's interesting about that
is like, the one time I was over,
and then I wasn't, you know, like really
I guess embracing my own love language in that time,
'cause there was like stuff going on.
And then you commented later on,
and you're like, "You know, I feel weird,
like you weren't trying to hug me,
you we're trying to kiss me."
And I was like, "I thought you weren't really..."
(both laughing)
I thought you weren't really with that.
- Yeah.
- So that was affirming to me, like,
'cause you know, that's something I struggle with is...
- The balance. The balance of it all.
- Like the balance of, you know, respecting your boundary.
- Yeah.
- But still feeling like, hey, I still have my,
my love language is valid.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- Cool. Is it my turn, yeah?
- Yeah.
- Cool.
What is the pain in me you wish you could heal?
- This question.
- I got all these traumas.
(both laughing)
- The pain in you that I wish I could heal.
I think, like, your upbringing.
That's really big, huh?
- Yeah, that's pretty big.
- Yeah.
- There's a lot of things going on there.
- I'm gonna try to be more specific.
- Yeah, what is your thing that you're like,
"Man, that thing."
- I think, like, your self-confidence.
Not that it's not there.
- It's just not as high as the other stuff.
- Yeah.
- With me, yeah.
- That's one thing that I wish I could heal.
'Cause you have every right
to be completely confident in yourself.
You know? You don't lack anything.
What about me? What's one thing that would wanna heal?
- So like, the trust and with the abandonment.
Like you feeling like, almost like people weren't there.
Like, they were there, but they weren't there for you.
- Yeah.
- Like they're there 'cause they're like,
"Hey, this is what I'm supposed to do."
Not necessarily 'cause they wanna be
intimately a part of you, in your life,
and I think that's caused trust issues
that we had to work over, we had to go through.
So I think you're doing a lot better at it
when it comes to me.
- Thank you.
- But, you know, I have a lot of goals for you,
right in my heart.
- You have goals for me?
- Yeah, there's a lot of prayer,
'cause you know I'm always like,
I want to embrace the whole Eryn.
Like I'm waiting for the day where I get to experience
Eryn in her wholeness.
And so that takes work, though.
- Yeah.
- Right? And I feel like that's one of the bigger things.
'Cause that's what leads into vulnerability
and knowing your balance.
Something I learned was like, a lot of people have walls,
especially young women,
and that it shouldn't be a wall, it should be a gate.
- I mean, it's difficult.
It is difficult, just growing up in,
just growing up in society, period, as a black woman.
And not only as a black woman, but like,
as a confident black woman.
Like, that's even more so...
- Shunned.
- Yes.
So, it's hard, you know?
It's hard to turn that wall into a gate
when you wanted it to be a gate...
- To begin with.
- And then you had to build the wall,
because of what you experienced.
- Yes.
- With letting people in.
- And you know, I hear you.
But you know, I'm not gonna let you be like,
"Well, yeah, this is what it is."
It's gonna change.
- Yeah.
- We're gonna change that.
- Why do you love me?
- Oh, I said like a whole thing, I gotta say it again?
(Christopher laughs)
- One more.
(both laughing)
- I love your faith.
- Thank you.
- I love that you never let God not be a part.
Of anything, and I respect that a lot.
You just always letting us know,
and reminding each other that God's here
and He's, like, standing with us, He's supporting us.
Because, you know, I'm of the faith,
and sometimes I do forget.
You know, to be honest.
- It's not that hard.
- Yeah, I be like, God's got me,
but sometimes when you're in the circumstance,
you very much like, especially considering my upbringing,
where it's like, you gotta just handle it.
- Yeah.
- But God's telling me, you don't have to handle it.
- Yeah. - Alone.
- Yeah.
- And I think you help remind me of that.
- Nice.
- You're welcome.
- Thank you.
- It's my turn, yeah?
- Yes.
- If this were to be our last conversation,
what is something you never want me to forget?
- Oh my God.
I mean, this is something that I feel like
I've said maybe a few times.
But just that, like, I for real, for real got you.
Like, I'm on your side regardless.
Like, I don't even care what happens,
you know, God-willing, we'll stay in this relationship
and it'll continue and move forward,
but even if it doesn't, like,
I'ma still be out here fighting for you,
you know what I'm saying?
- I appreciate it.
- But no, like I really care about you
and like, your well-being, you know what I mean?
And I want you to get all of the things.
I want you to accomplish your dreams,
because I really believe in you and your capabilities,
and your skills, and your knowledge, and your intellect.
- (laughs) Keep going.
(both laughing)
- And your humor.
But yeah, like you deserve it.
So I feel like I need to always remind you,
like you deserve the good things, you know what I mean?
- Yeah. Thank you.
- You're welcome.
- Hey guys, Melanie again,
thank you so much for watching.
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