Knowing your truth
and being and living in alignment with that truth
is a critical part of happiness.
If you don't live according to your truth,
if you don't know what it is,
you can't possibly make the right decisions for your life.
You're definitely not gonna be able to find
people who are actually compatible to you,
you're not gonna do the right thing
and you're definitely not gonna speak the truth.
Also...
You're going to unintentionally gaslight everyone.
Please pause and read before you watch this video:
How Being Ashamed of a Truth Causes You to Gaslight People
The downside of the process of socialization
which all of us go through,
is that we are trained
that certain things are unacceptable,
and certain things are acceptable.
Now what is acceptable versus unacceptable
depends highly on the specific social structure
that we are born into, and raised in.
When there is something that is true for us
or true about us
that fits into that category of unacceptable in our society,
we are automatically gonna feel shame about it.
And when we feel shame about it,
we're gonna automatically go into this behavior
where we suppress ignore reject
and try to disown and deny that truth.
We do this so effectively for the sake of our own survival,
that we don't only hide this truth from other people,
we also try to hide it from ourselves.
But just because we try to deny the truth
doesn't mean that it goes away.
Instead, it will simply show through,
but what this will do
is it will make us a very confusing person.
It'll make it so that we throw other people
into a state of cognitive dissonance when they're around us,
because there's so much of a contradiction
between what we're saying and how we're behaving.
Now, all of this adds up to the fact that we will be gaslighting them.
So let's discuss what we mean by gaslighting.
To gaslight someone is to sow seeds of doubt in their mind
that make them question their own sense of personal truth and reality.
Things like memory,
judgment, perception, feelings etc...
It's to try to convince someone that what they see they didn't see,
what they hear, they didn't hear,
what they feel, they have no reason to feel.
To learn more about gaslighting, you can watch my video titled:
Gaslighting (What is Gaslighting And How To Heal From It)
If we are ashamed of a truth we have
we will go to great lengths to suppress, ignore, disown,
reject, hide and deny it.
We will fail to do so completely,
and so that truth will still shine through.
As a result,
we will be a walking contradiction,
we will gaslight people with what we say, versus what we do
and how they see and experience us.
To help you understand this dynamic,
I'm gonna give you a couple of examples;
First, we're gonna look at the example of Joel:
Joel was born to a very very young single mother.
His mother had a pattern
of getting with men
getting pregnant by those men,
and then getting abandoned by those same men.
Now, as a result,
Joel's mother kept having babies.
But, babies with different fathers
all of whom did not step in and take care of those children.
Also, Joel's mother lived off of the government.
What all this added up to
is that Joel, in his early life,
ended up taking on all kinds of responsibilities
that were absolutely not age-appropriate.
Joel's childhood experience gave rise to an extreme desire
to not have any responsibility,
most especially, for anyone else.
The truth is, as an adult
he wants to be guided, provided for,
protected, taken care of,
and for someone to take responsibility for him.
The thing is, Joel is in a society
that says that these desires and this truth is wrong.
In fact, the only way to be a good person
and the only way, for sure, to be a man
and the only way to be respected,
is to be the opposite.
To be the person who is totally responsible.
To be the one who steps up and provides for others
and takes care of them and protects them and guides them.
So, Joel finds himself in a little bit of a quagmire.
Joel is so ashamed of his truth
that he denies this truth.
This sets up a little bit of a problem for him in relationships
because when he first gets into relationships
he gives off a very different impression of who he is
than what is the actual reality.
Essentially, he can't keep up
this responsible facade for very long,
and after a period of time it starts to slip
and everyone around him is like:
"Who the hell is this guy that we've never met?"
Because suddenly, he's acting passive,
suddenly he isn't stepping up and taking responsibility,
suddenly he's not taking the leadership position
in any situation that he's in,
suddenly he's setting up dynamics
where other people have to take care of him and provide for him.
Essentially, people are soon experiencing the truth about Joel,
but yet, he continues to say
that responsibility is everything
and that he really wants to step up
and provide and protect
and be there for others.
So, as a result,
everybody around him starts to feel totally gas-lit by him.
Our next example is Kala:
Kala is a woman who was born and raised in
and still lives in a muslim community.
And to be honest with you, Kala has never really fit in very well.
The truth about Kala is that she is opinionated,
she is driven,
she is success oriented,
she loves status,
she is actually in love with money.
She's also very strategic
and very achievement-oriented.
However, Kala's society
frowns upon these character traits in a woman.
Kala feels ashamed of who she really is,
so she does her best to become the model woman
according to her society.
She does her best to practice charity,
be obedient,
devote her time to helping other people succeed
and tell herself and her children that money must not be a distraction
from what truly matters.
The thing, is because this isn't the truth
of who Kala is as a person,
she's a very confusing person to be around.
One minute Kala will show up with food
in another person's house when they're going through a tough time,
the next minute she will erupt in exasperation
that she even had to do that,
even though nobody was forcing her to do so.
she has chosen a life with a husband and with two little girls,
yet she consistently acts as if she resents being a parent.
She does not like being there for her two little girls,
and when she takes them to school it's a sigh of relief,
because then she can focus all of her time and energy
on succeeding at becoming the best
at what her personal hobby is,
which is singing.
Kala professes to not care about money or status,
yet she swoons over designer handbags
and she is constantly getting in fights with her husband
over her tendency to buy things
just based off of the fact that they are status oriented things,
regardless of whether their price is justified.
Kala is also always competing
with the other women in her society.
Competing with how she looks versus how they look,
competing about what she knows
as opposed to what they know,
competing about what she has as opposed to what they have...
it's driving everyone in this community insane.
Kala's husband is constantly confused and frustrated by her.
She acts like she hates their life together,
but leaves him to believe the opposite.
The other women in her community often talk behind Kala's back
about how snake-like she is,
mostly because it feels to them like she simply feigns friendship,
when really she is treacherous.
The reality is that Kala would be a much happier person
and much less gaslighting,
if she would just own who she really is.
I know it's easier said than done.
But, the reality is
Kala would be a kick-ass businesswoman.
If she would simply own the aspect of her
that is this super driven, achievement-oriented,
strategic personality type.
Putting herself in the right set, setting and social sphere,
she would be celebrated for those very traits
that have been rejected
by the current society that she is living in.
People would find her much less frightening
if she were unapologetically the way she really is,
as opposed to trying to cover up who she really is
and coming across deceptive instead.
Because Kala is ashamed of the truth of herself,
she unintentionally gaslights other people.
People can tell she's one way, but she goes to great lengths
to have you believe she is another way.
All this being said,
there is such a thing as intentional conscious gaslighting,
which is a form of psychological abuse.
But there is also the reality
of this unconscious unintentional gaslighting.
One example of this,
is when people occupy parallel perceptual realities.
To understand more about that, you can watch my video titled:
The Most Dangerous Parallel Reality
But, unintentional gaslighting can also occur
if somebody is so ashamed of a truth
that even though you see it,
they are still in the process of trying to deny it.
Therefore, if you find yourself in a situation
where you feel like somebody is gaslighting you about themselves,
you might wanna consider
that you're only going to reach the truth, if one:
Either...
You are able to make that truth
that they currently are denying because of shame,
okay for them to have...
Or, two:
That person becomes brave enough
to stand by and own that truth
regardless of any potential consequences.
Have a good week.
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I wanna thank you personally
for the bravery that you have to step into awareness.
I'll see you in the next video.
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