*Mark knocks out the table*
Mark: There is a conspiracy going around
that says all dogs must have new toys whenever their old toys get old.
Well, if you watch Toy Story, you know that that's a horrible thing.
Just to throw away toys. You remember the last scene in Toy Story 3?
Mark: You cried. Ethan: I cried.
Mark: You almost cried.
[akward silence]
It was terrible. Toys just getting thrown in the incinerator. [doggo]Them all holding hands like that.
Here's a recreation 'cause I can't use the real footage.
[screaming and death]
It's sad. You 'bout crying right now just thinking about it.
Well, no. [knocks out table again] We're gonna do something even worse.
Well you remember Sid from the first movie-- [Evil laughter]
Tyler: Ohhhhh
Well, we're gonna pull a Sid [Oh god] from the first movie in this Markiplier Makes 'cause we're making dog toys!
Ethan: [alien] Dog toyssss
Anyway, so we're going to be taking these new fabrics that have been washed
because we care about the dogs that are going to be using them
and also, dogs?! [mark looks for dogs]
Amy: They're over here
Mark: Hey pup! [Ethan smack mark with fabric]
Mark: Aaaaaaaaaow!
Tyler: Chica- Mark: You piece of shit
Ethan: Right in the mouth. Ay-- Eyyy!
M: fuckin locker room -ow- from eighth grade
M: Gaaah! T: [giggling]
[Gets whipped again] M: Owwwww!
T: Now you're gonna hit my wrist!
M: You can hit it. Hit it. [Smack]
[very dramatic music playing] AAAH
M: you want one? T: Ethan's over here bri-
[dramatic music playing] Oh god, no that look!
M: [laughing] I don't like that faaaace- [Giggling]
E: [way too calmly] Get away from me.
T: Oohhh! E: Silly boy! M: Dyahh!
E: Let's see that ass. [gets whipped again]
M: Aaaaah! My back!
M: Oh I'm gonna get you!
(Ethan laughing) ... (sounds like a car engine...)
T: Well now I'm trapped! M: Does this work? Does this work for you? E: [Laughing]
M: Why do I have such a short one? ((...that's what she said))Hang on
E: [Cackling] WHY ARE WE DOING THIS?
T: [Laughing] I don't know!
[gets whipped once again twice] M: AAAaaaaahh!!
[Elevator music]
Amy: You wanna introduce the dogs? M: Yeah, dogs
M: [patting his lap] Uppus!
E: Chica's a solid... [pauses]
Chica you remember this old toy? [squeaks toy]
Well, it's dead now. Okay, it's dead. It's gonna die. We're gonna kill it.
So we're gonna take these old toys
We've got new fabrics, the yarns,
accessories, balls, we get some babies over there
We're gonna take all these [mark catches the yarn]
and we're going to turn them into new [Mark catches the yarn again] and fascinating new toys.
M: Make sense? T: Yep
M: Cool. [Ethan scares mark] I don't like that.
T: Wait are we starting now or...? M: Yeah wh- I dunno
M: TEN MINUTES! Fair?
M: Alright. I call Pikachu! [screams of help] I call dibs!
E: Oh, oh, OH oh wait give me a person I call a person
M: You call... Here's a baby. E: Grab the baby!
M: Okay. [knocks out baby]
M: [Slightly laughing] Jesus Christ!
E: You gotta knock it out before you perform surgery.
M: [laughing]
E: [laughing] M: [cackling]
T: [giggling] E: I got a kick outta that one
M: [Trying to hold back laughter] I just imagined... It as like...you know
Count backwards from 10
M: BEEWW! BEEWW! BEEWW! E: [laughing]
M: eight... BEEWW! [all laughing]
E: The baby's sitting in the doctor's chair
E: Just count down from ten! [i'm sure it's knocked out]
[all laughing]
Start the clock... someone... just, roughly 10 minutes
Amy: Is Ethan not starting the clock?
M: No he's not. E: No I'm not.
M: How to ti- [all laughing]
[all laughing]
M: [Trying not to laugh] I'm not gonna spoil it! I'm not gonna spoil it.
M: I'm not gonna spoil-- [mark laughing because Ethan looked something up] E: Do you think this is bad?
[struggling scissor noises] M: Why didn't we get fabric scissors?!
M: Let's go Pikachu!
Straight to hell!
[all laughing] T: Oh my god!
E: Oh no!
M: This just feels wrong. [Laughing] It feels really wrong!
E: Feels so right!
M: Is anyone else really hot?
T: Yes. M: Not saying I'm turned on by this...
M: But I'm just saying-- [Laughter]
Anyone else close?
[Ethan laughing]
T: ...Is close to turned on or what are you asking right now?
M: Yeah that's what I mean Tyler... [Giggling]
You sweet, innocent, child-- [breaking into giggles]
T: Did we ever agree on how much time there is? M: [some weird furry growl] - ten minutes
M: What happened to the-- DID YOU-- [pissed off mark face]
M: WHY DID YOU TAKE THAT?!?
E: [giggling] I don't know... M: WHY?!?!
WHEN DID YOU DO THAT??
M: You bastard! [laughs]
E: I don't know how to-- I don't know how to--
M: You don't know how to what? Be a good friend yeah, I, I discovered that [oof]
E: [mumbles] No don't say that... T: Hmm...
E: Papa bear...
M: Wha- You don't call your friends Papa Bear that's just weird.
E: You don't know about friendship.
M: I don't apparently.
T: I feel like-- I feel like you have a friendship song that teaches Mark about friendship.
M: Yeah, sing.
E: [off-key] OOoooOOOooo WoOooOooo~
E: OOOOoooWooooOOOOWuUUuuuuUUUUuu~ [Ethan starts to laugh]
E: Friends, Friends [unintelligible] [Mark and Tyler laugh]
E: [Continuing to sing]
[More laughter]
M: Friends, friends. In the tub, rub a dub dubbing T:Bathe my bodyyy- M:Giving me a scrub~
[Everyone laughs]
M: Get that fucking thing in your mouth [All laughing [oh god]]
M: [Strained yet pleased-sounding] OHHHHHH
M: Oh, fuck that's why. [laughs]
M: I think we're gonna need more than ten minutes
[All agreeing with a "yeah"] E: We definitely are.
M: [singing the Friends song by Ethan]
E: It's got a nice ring to it, right? M: It's pretty catchy. It's like--
T: It's definitely stuck in my head. M: Like one of our tour songs.
[Giggling]
T: I miss Bob.
M: Me too.
[paying respects to Bob]
[Kissing sound]
M:Me also
[Sapaying respects to Wade]
M: Oh, God. T: I miss all those crazy boys. M: Yeah
M: I do...!
M: Wait, I've just got an idea! ((no god))
M: We can bring 'em back! E: [Laughing in shock]
E: That looks [Unintelligible due to laughter]
E: [door creaks]
[uncontrollable laughter]
M: So what I'm gonna do is I'm gonna have like blood at the front ((oh no))
M: Some coming out the ear and a few coming out a few holes like-like this
M: This is some parasitic alien life form and it's infected this Pikachu and uh
M: Like- i-it's just is spilling out
T: That's demonic E: [laughing at own creation] don't look at it
M: What the fuck happened
M: Yeah, yeah that is a furry!
E: [Demonic giggle]
[you're supposed to knock it out before surgery Ethan]
M: Jesus Christ! T: My god!
E: [laughing with a high pitch at the end]
[Confused noises] T: [Mimics high pitch laugh]
M: The reason why we're doing this is because-
M: I feel like people too easily just throw away dog toys and the whole dog toy market is like a racket. There are--
E: It's so expensive. M: I know right? And-Wha-
M: for what like you've E: right. M: You can get real plushies for cheaper than what's going on there like
M: Toys for children are cheaper than toys for dogs sometimes and I don't know why
M: Maybe just 'cause they're built to be tougher. I-I guess that makes sense
M: -But I feeeeel like if you're remaking the toys
M: Into something new, you're enhancing your- you could get your kids to do it for you! [endorsing child labor]
M: It's like if your children are working for you, it's not like slave labor[yes it is]. It's like indentured servitude
E:Yeah.. M:What it is! You can get your kids to do whatever you want them to do[no]. That's why people have kids
M: Back in the day, people got kids just so their farm could have workers for free. That's not wrong. I'm not-I'm not endorsing-
M: -anything by saying that [yes you are] it's just a-
*Mark hand gestures to tell us he's right but everyone's probably looking at him weirldy*
M: It's just what's true!
E: [laughing menacingly]
M: What are you laughing at?! E: like right-Ow!
E: [Highly distorted/going sicko mode] Fuu--
M: [About his toy] It's like some horrible worm creature
M: Infected this Pikachu and then like the pressure from the worms inside the body
M: Exploded the head off of it and send it rocketing and then this [nasty sound effect] like main body of worm came out
M: But it's still just like it's a conglomeration of many multiple worms. [what went through this dudes mind when he made this toy]And I think this is gonna go well because
M: Chica and Henry really loved tassels and they will probably love to eat worms. Oh hell yeah! E: Oh, yeah you got
M:Yeah, well you guys both went for human... I don't? what is that?!
M: Oh, where are the squeakers? A: Uh in the big snake
M: [Australian accent] When you're cuttin' your snake you cut
M: Through the middle
M: Of the belly
M: You gotta cut through it!
M: Make sure you make a nice incision. M: [Normal accent] This thing isn't exactly built sturdy. Worms always just slip out- right outta ya
[faint chuckling]
*Mark hand gestures to tell us he's right but everyone's probably looking at him weirldy 2.0*
M: What? It's true! If you have worms, sometimes, and you're on the toilet, they'll just fall out!
M:That's a fact! M: This is a little wider because of the squeaker there's
M: forcing his eyes apart a little bit, but P-Pi-ka-chu~ There's still some-
M:-consciousness in here so Pikachu knowwwsss
M: That it's uh been taken over and horribly like turned into some monstrosity of worms
M: Like it's very painful like all the pain sensors
M: [Squeaks Pikachu head] OWWWww
M: [Squeaks head again] OWwwww OHHhh Pikachu OHH
M: [Continues to squeak Pikachu and make pain noises]
[Mark searches for squeaker]
[Squeak] M: AHHHHHH!
M: So we're going to present our
M: Uh, toys to each other and then we're going to present them to the pups and
M: Whichever one the pups play with the most
M:-It'll be like the one they end up with will be the one they favor and if they fight over one of them
M: Clearly that was the favorite so we'll call it from there
[chuckle]
E: [Quiet, ominous laughter]
M: So what I've done here is I've created like a dress that hides
M: The horrible worm-ness this like the worm has enough of a consciousness to know that it needs to hide itself
M: So that it can exist in plain reality, but then, you know blowing [worm sounds]
M: [Distorted snort]
M: [gasp] I had an idea! You want some sausage ass? [wtf]
M: All right time's up! E: wind-chimes! hold on
[Mark laughs]
[Tyler laughs]
[SNORT]
[much laughter]
[sadistic Giggling]
T: Yeah, what the timer is up why are you still going? E: because...
E: Amy- M: Because Amy- E: Amy said.. M: I don't- Amy: It's worth it! It's worth it!
A: The timers are chaos. M: it's favouritism.
M: It's- No! The timers are strict, fast, stead... ly. E: all right
M: You done? E: All good.
T: so my goal while seemingly obvious was to give Chica a toy-
T: -for dealing with her stress with her master when he decides to go all loony and be his alternate ego Wilford Warfstache-
T: Obviously, she can easily tug on the rope, chew on his head,
T: Tear into his torso, and rip apart his pants.
T: and of course,
T: What is an alternate ego that you torture without his little diaper to make him feel insecure?
M: Dude the mustache is upside down..
T: ..It is
[All laughing]
M: That's great, that's really great. mine I-
M: Wanted to combine every aspect of a toy that I know my dog likes
M: Uh, the Pikachu! dog can only see blue and yellow so really they're not distracted by all the
M: Horribleness of this infection even though it's a deep story-line and that really matters, but my dog loves to pull the fluff out
M: so, there's an ear here intentionally made... [Glares at Ethan] so the easy access to fluff there's tassels so can tug and
M: Uh, move around there's a scarf because I know they love my sense of fashion
M: There's a scarf and plaid they love that about... me [ego]and also it's a dress to hide up the horribleness
M: -But also you know what my dogs love most? A surprise!!! It's reversible.
[Tyler laughs]
M: And just like that, it's like two toys in one! T: it looks like you tore his head off and ['cause he did]
M: DoDoDo Do! T: Then replaced his head [laughs]
M: *parasite noises*
E: Alright, my tuwrn uwu
[devil noises]
[All laughing]
E: Started off with not much inspiration, but I knew-
M: Is that my Pikachu's ear as a dick?! [this video is gonna get demonitized]T: [Laughing]
E: No! No! as a belt buckle. my first thing that I wanted was
E: You know the base; it was very boring and I noticed that the base had everything but ears.
E: You've got to be able to hear when the enemy is coming
E:And so, the enemy being "the dogs", they're not enemies, but you know that you have to give it life
E: You know? that's what the dogs love; they love the HUNT!
E: If you can make it more realistic, the more realistic the better because they love the hunt
E: So you gotta give the toy all five senses, which I have we've got sight,
E: We've got smell, taste, and touch
E: Now, dogs really love the furriness of stuff and squeakiness.
E: So I took the tail, ripped it open [squeaking] added a little guy inside; they can rub and tug all they want and
E: There's a little b-belt made out of a rope, which they can also tuggle along as well
M: You have to make sure that your toys are family friendly
E: So, I put a shirt over it which if they want to those late, dark nights
E: They can tear off the shirt, if need be, and he's also got a little hat that's sewn on top. He's got sight
E:Did I mention that? he has an eye. M: I SEE that.
I forgot to mention though. Mine can scream in pain [squeaking and pain noises]
[Everyone squeaks toys and monsters] T:Double squeak
M: [Worm parasite voice] I'm still here!
M: This is very penis-like E: [laughs]
M: All right, now comes phase two of our test.
E: Chica! M: Wait, wait, wait, Chica. Hang on. [Ethan and Mark both laugh calling for Chica]
M: Wait, no! Chica!
T: Yeah Chica! Get it, get it!
E: *uses baby voice* Hey! awwwh Chica [Mark pleading for Chica's attention in the background]
M: Alright, well Chica's a slut anyway!
M: [Moves on to Henry as Chica follows] Henry! Henry! Hey,! Hey, Bud!
M: I got you a toy!
M: Yeah! You want it?
M: You want it? Henry?
E: Oh we have lift off! T: Chica!
M: Who's a good boy?
T: Go get it, go get it! [Mark still praising Henry in background]
E: Chica! [unintelligible baby voice]
T: No! E: It's this toy that you want, don't you?
E: Get it, Chica!
M; [In background] Chica! Chica, come on!
M: Come 'mere! No not that! No, [laughing] Chica!
[Ethan makes lots of squeaks] E: Come get it!
[Chica and Ethan squeak around with Ethan grunting]
T: She wants all the toys! [laughing] M: Chica! Over here!
M: Chica come here! come here! come 'mere.
E: Chica! Chica come back! Come back! Come back!
M: Chica, Chica, put this in your mouth
M: Put it in your mouth. Put it-there!
M: Yes!
E: I had first lift off!
E: [breathlessly] Chica~ [laughing] M: If you'd take it i would-
M: It's okay, Henry. [Smack] get that- get that away.
M: Hey! Wait! Everybody stop!
M: [taking command] Get your toy, get on this couch!
M: What we're gonna do is we're all gonna throw our toys over there at the same time.
M: Whichever one Chica brings back is obviously the one she wanted most, right?
T: Yeah. E: That's, fair.
M: Chica, are you paying attention?
[All speaking to Chica for her attention]
[All saying, "Ready?"
M: Three, two , one
A: Go get it! M: Go get it! Go get it!
[Intense music] A: Get your toy!
E: Get the toy!
E: Get the toy. Yes, yes!
E: That's good! E: Nooo...
T: No, no! [Ethan laughing]
E: No! T: *Emitting sounds of defeat* NOOOOAHhh M: Chica, run!
M: *Screams in victory*
M: She tried all three. She went back to each one and she picked that one! T: I think it's 'cause it smelled like you.
M: Hey, good girl!
[Mark laughs in overwhelming happiness]
E: Henry what about you?
A: come 'mere!
A: Good boy! Get your toys!
A: Which one? E: YES
E: ShE'S GoOD. Second place!
[Mark and Tyler laugh] E: Second Place! M: Sure...
M: Alright, second place, second place
A: Bring it back! E: Come on, Chica! M: Chica!
M: Good girl.
M&E: Third place!
M: Alright, so now that Chica has sign-we all agree that's-
T: That's the winner- E: She picked. M: She went to each one, and she came back with one.
[Loud smack]
M: fair is fair
T: Fair is fair M: Fair is fair
T: I will say-
T: -Durability though that hat is pretty much is off- and the tail's gone. M: Let's judge each other's okay? So yours looks like Walter White from Breaking Bad
M: And I gotta give you bonus points. Although the noose is a bit of a bold choice
M: I wanted to put a tassel or a rope to try and... because my dog's back home loved rope toys
M: I love the fact that I look over at the very beginning you're googling, "how to tie a noose"
M: Yours definitely had the most detail
T: Yeah like you put a lot on it M: most intricate, most aggressive,
E: Your tail fell off
M: Yeah, it did fall off but your ambition was there. Now,
M: You guys got to give me credit for the reversibility.
T: I-I do
M: That's a pretty cool one, ah?
T: It's-it's pretty good. M: Yeah, those are the worm infestation that's from a real life parasitic worm that exists
M: It could infect any one of us make our heads explode off our bodies T: Oh- M: -and infect us and walk around in our shell like puppets.
E: [nervous] Is that true...? M: Yeah.
E: W-Who [some mumble joke]
M: It's mostly fruit, I think it only affects beetles, but that's a real thing. T: You're infesting your dog with worms is what I got from that.
M: Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Henry. Do you want any of these?
M: Any of these? *mumbles* WhEeEe
A: Do you want the toy?
M: Toy... [Amy gasps]
A: Do you want the toy? M: I think Henry's the smart one and realizes that- E: All of them are garbage? T: These are all garbage. M: -These are all terrible dog-
[Mark laughs as Amy makes a baby sound to Henry]
T: Do we have impartial judges just for creativity,
T: Look, other stuff?
M: Amy, what do you think? You're an expert on dog toys.
A: I like yours the most M: Thanks
[Amy laughs] M [smiling like a goof]: Did you guys hear that?
M: All right, I want someone at home who's a good artist to make hyper-realistic drawings of each of these toys. Just a horrible worm infested Pikachu on a sausage head.
M: Anyway, probably leave toys up to the professionals... like us who are really good at doing this and very capable
M: Thank you all so much for watching check out Ethan at CrankGame on Twitch and-
M: -check out Tyler at Apocalypto_12 E: Not on Twitch...
M: What's it on Twitch? E: Not CrankGame... M: CrankGamePlays?
E: Yeah, on everything M: I type in youtube.com /crankgame E: and my channel will come up
E: Yeah, but that's 'cause I had to remake my channel so I couldn't use CrankGamePlays but it redirects you if you do crankgame M: Alright
A: Yours also redirects
E: Yeah. M: Yeah, well
E: MarkiplierGAME
T: Anyway, be sure to p-put in the comments which one was your favourite and show us your creations on Twitter if you would like
T: Otherwise, leave it to the professionals like Mark said, M: Yeah
M: And uh- if you got other makes you want us to do write them in the comments, we'll do them in the future
M: Thank y'all so much and as always see you in the next one. Buh-bye!
T: Bye! E: Bye, bye~ E: bYEE ByWE~