well I'm thrilled because my next guest
is one of my 11 favorite late night
hosts he's of course on CBS he's beloved
Stephen Colbert so good to have you on
my show Stephen thank you Conan now a
lesser man would would fight with you
right now say no no you're on my show
but I've been a host long enough to know
that the host actually does most of the
work so you go right ahead buddy I see
me all the weights are you now mate you
fell into my trap
beautiful judo moves beta furry bond no
hate if we're done now I notice your
you're not wearing a tie Conan no nice
rate see I haven't I'm not wearing a tie
and I see that you've become a Senate
page congratulations thank you very much
thank you very much yeah how are you
handling your isolation I missed the
laughter I missed the joy that I bring
others well what about your show do you
miss that how about you how are you
handling it I miss the audience because
I get all of my value from their praise
yeah you know I have no I have no
self-worth at all
yeah I only exist really in reflection
to them chanting my name so it's been
rough it's been rough times
that's great that your audience chants
your name mine stop doing that about
four years ago when they chant my name
now it's usually as an angry mob so I
envy you thank you very much you are
using state-of-the-art equipment I tuned
in I check out your show you're clearly
and I know my cameras Your Honor I think
a Sony HDC 1704 K those those are
incredible
you look amazing what are you doing and
you have you have an earpiece I don't
have any ear piece look at that I have
no earpiece on my IFB just broke or your
catheter he can't hear me Kenny I can
hear you now I said even though Stephen
that's not our air you clearly had the
Tiffany Network ship in hundreds of
thousands of dollars worth of equipment
then it all been boiled in alcohol so
you could have this amazing
camera what are you doing Lyman look at
the crotch sit down it's xdcam HD you're
right yeah exactly you know why cuz I've
been in this business a long time and I
know my camera's uh-huh
yeah I have a satellite truck parked on
my lawn incredible yeah thank you let me
tell you how I did it here wait listen
buddy I did it your way
for the first week we did it I literally
just did everything off of an iPad
balanced on the side of a bathtub with a
bottle of bubble bath to keep it from
tipping in and killing me yes oh don't
tell me I've been in it let me tell you
how I've been doing it we record my show
on a flip phone when the show is over I
put it into a cardboard tube and I put
it in the u.s. mail and it goes to
Turner headquarters in Atlanta that's
how we've been doing it so don't preach
to me with your story of Oh your
hardships you've got a satellite truck
on your lawn it's been years since I saw
a satellite truck and bitter and enraged
can you tell mm-hmm I back off that was
like a topographical map of Mars
now I'm surprised the local morgue let
you borrow their lighting for it okay
okay what do you this is Shecky Colbert
now that I'm everything you tolerate you
know your lovely family are they helping
you do this because I got my son here my
daughter's doing my makeup my wife is a
is a rodeo clown
yeah they're all pitching in my family
will not help me in the least nobody
wants to help me yeah they really don't
think America needs my show they keep
telling me there's plenty of late night
shows out there I keep asking for help
and they say stop it just stop it go
take a nap my son was the cameraman for
one bit that we shot and after the first
take I said I think we need one more
take and he said you get one more and
that's it so so his Union
he's 14 years old and he was like that
is it you get one more