- (screams) Just kidding. (both laughing)
Hi, I'm Kristen, and I'm going to chop five onions
while answering your most burning questions.
My favorite dog?
I mean, that's worse than choosing between my kids.
And try not to cry.
So let's do this.
I identify with both, but definitely more with Anna.
Eleanor is the bad person living inside me.
- Do you have a second to talk about the environment?
- Do you have a second to eat my farts?
Anna is who I am for real.
- I won't let anything happen to her.
- I infused in Anna most of my personality
when I was 10 years old.
I was really quirky and weird
and I thought love was my superpower.
- (gasps) What if I meet the one?
- But there is kind of a dangerous, sassy ticker tape
going through my brain all the time.
It's just like Eleanor, but she says it out loud.
I don't tell anyone to eat my farts.
I haven't in a while.
Wow, if I wasn't an actress.
Is this because I can't see or because I'm a woman?
I would probably be a social worker
or I'd work with foster kids.
- [Interviewer] Question three.
(chopping drowns out speaker)
- I'm nailing this.
But you know the trick.
Here is that you turn the onion over,
so you don't get all the,
you don't get all that mumbo jumbo in your eyes.
If I could give a spoiler, a spoiler or a hint,
I would say don't underestimate Anna's power.
Well, the best Thanksgiving side dishes, obviously,
yams with marshmallows,
but the most underrated one, I think, the green beans,
maybe because also my parents put FUNYUNS on the top.
Oh, it's never too early to put up a Christmas tree.
We always start right after Halloween.
There's no sense in not celebrating Christmas
like, at all times.
We also keep it up till about,
I don't, end of Jan.
We're those people.
Whoo, all right.
Now I'm getting a little whiff of it.
I'm only one through? (dramatic music)
Oh, my god.
- [Interviewer] Five.
- Oh, is that how you identify me?
That's so flattering.
At my old school, I was Horny.
We were the Rhinos.
(girl laughing) I was the mascot.
I am in ways naive and innocent,
and in other ways,
sage and old.
I find it important to act like a kid a lot
because life is, Earth is more fun that way.
I'm getting a strong hit now, guys.
I'm getting a real strong hit.
So, I don't know, maybe it's 'cause I act like a kid,
but I also learn from my mistakes.
Maybe that's, maybe that's why.
(screams) Just kidding. (both laughing)
- How are you feeling? - I'm okay, I'm okay.
It's starting to seep in now.
Yeah, and I'm definitely (sniffs),
I've got drippy sniffer.
♪ You're crying, crying, crying, crying so hard ♪
- My favorite holiday tradition?
I mean, Christmas decorations are hard to beat for me.
I feel so, (groans) (dramatic music)
I feel so alive.
We decorate, it's like this Claus family came in,
and just vomited all over our home.
But my favorite tradition (sniffs)
is probably, it's more of a mental state
that you get into when naps are okay.
It's okay to sort of overeat and be a little bit sloth-like.
The whole thing, sure.
You're greedy, me too. - How about that?
- I got my friend, Jedediah,
he was planning a trip to bike ride
from the tip of Oregon to the tip of Patagonia,
and he was learning Spanish,
and his favorite book is "East of Eden."
I got a first edition copy of "East of Eden" from Spain.
I sent it around to all of his family members and friends.
I sent it to four different countries
and rebind it halfway through,
and I had all his family members' graffiti inside of it,
and put pictures of him and love notes,
and (sniff) and it was huge when I gave it to him.
It was like overstuffed.
That was the best present I've ever given.
The best gift I've ever gotten,
I like the junk presents that my kids give me.
I know that sounds silly, but they always make you like
ugly masterpieces out of like tile
and Gorilla Glue and plants from the garden,
and they glue everything together and they color it,
and they're just beautiful
'cause you can just see how creative their brains were
while they were making it.
Those are kind of my favorite. (loud exhaling)
- [Interviewer] You're feeling the onion more?
- Yeah, I'm feeling okay onion-wise.
It's definitely burning.
I'm more committed to cutting this professionally
than I am to cheating
by putting the fragrant part of the onion down.
(sighs) I prefer playing something in between.
I actually really like playing a kind of character
that is inherently unlikeable on the page.
What a condescending bench.
And then figuring out a way to get you to root for her.
♪ The final curtain ♪
- And I've been lucky that I've had quite a few
of those roles like Veronica Mars is kind of a pistol,
Eleanor is definitely a pistol, (sniffs)
Jeannie from "House of Lies" also kind of unlikeable,
but it's like up to me where I infuse some humanity
behind their eyes,
and figure out how to get you to root for them.
- Veronica Mars is smarter than me.
- Oh, you stop it.
(loud exhaling) Big chunks.
- [Interviewer] How much do your daughters love
that you are a Disney princess?
- Oh, my daughters could care less.
My daughters love "Frozen" just like every other kid,
but they don't, they're not impressed, which is fine.
It is in our DNA to reject what our parents do,
so you can assimilate to a larger tribe.
They have made me be Elsa
for the last two previous Halloweens.
They love "Frozen."
They just don't like me to talk about the fact
that I'm in it or sing around the house.
My favorite thing about "Frozen 2" is probably
that it kept the integrity of "Frozen 1"
in that we were proud of (moans)
(sniffs) the fact that "Frozen 1" really broke a mold.
Almost all the films we see focus on romantic love
and not familial love or self-love. (moans)
It's really getting to me now. (chuckles)
I think self-love is the most important type of love
and familial love is up there,
and I think if you don't have those two...
(eerie music) Whoo!
You're screwed, you can't find romantic love, right?
(sniffs) Or you can, but you'll have trouble navigating it.
It's a mold-breaking movie, I guess.
It's just going against all these tropes
we're used to seeing.
(sniffs) I think that's why people gravitated towards it
'cause it was, I hate to use the word modern,
but it was evolved.
(sharp exhaling) - Are you good?
- Okay.
We're okay.
- [Interviewer] You're almost on your last onion.
- Okay.
(sniffs) I'm almost there.
My favorite weird thing about Dax, (laughs),
well, I'll tell you the most recent one
'cause there's a lot of weird things about him
and I love all of 'em.
(sensual music) Ugh.
He shot a scene on "Bless This Mess"
where he had to use a pointer,
like one of the ones where you pull it out
like it Marry Poppins itself,
and he immediately ordered a pack of them,
and so, last night, he walked in
and he had his hands like in his pockets like this,
and he opened it up, and he was like, "How was your day?"
And he was pointing to things in the bathroom
and all over like, "I reset the clock.
"Did you see I reset the clock?"
He's decided that he will be using that pointer at all times
when he's talking about things
because life is just more fun when you're pointing at them.
Okay.
- [Interviewer] Okay, ducks or goats?
- What? - Which one's better,
ducks or goats?
- You know, I've heard ducks have really good personalities,
and I've heard goats (beep) everywhere,
but goats are cuter and cuddlier.
Wow, that's a very hard question.
(sniffs) I'm gonna go with goats
'cause I like yoga too. (goat crying)
- [Interviewer] Corn dogs or mini corn dogs?
- Mini corn dogs.
Anything mini if you can get it, always.
My favorite comfort food is a grilled cheese.
My ex boyfriend, Kevin, who I love dearly,
he used to experiment making the best ones
'cause there's a lot of different types of bread (sniffs)
(somber music) and a lot of different types
of cheese out there.
(upbeat music) He discovered that sourdough,
because it toasts just the perfect amount,
a piece of Velveeta,
'cause it's delicious and it feels like trash food,
and a piece of Pepper Jack in a pan is the way to go.
That's the best grilled cheese in the world.
My favorite dog?
I mean, that's worse than choosing between my kids.
I have a favorite kid.
Because Lola, I've had for 15 years,
so how could she not be my favorite?
She's the queen, but...
(melancholic music) Perfect time for the tears.
She doesn't really pay attention to me anymore
(sniffles) because she's old and she doesn't, you know,
she just wants to do her thing, not be touched.
Barb, who's our, we foster failed her about,
that's what it's called when you foster a dog
and you don't give them back,
a foster failure.
We foster failed her about eight months ago
and she's delicious.
She's just made of toothpicks and feathers.
She weighs about five pounds.
She doesn't do much of anything.
She has one eye, about four teeth,
and sometimes she thinks that the hallway is a dog run.
You know, she can't tell where to go,
so there's pee pee pads everywhere.
She wouldn't be my favorite because of that.
She can't tell where to go to the bathroom
and I'm like, "Barb, I love you,
"but get your (beep) together."
Frank is our most recent foster failure
and it was out of my kids and my husband begging
for me not to get another dead dog is how they called it
'cause I like seniors.
Frank is a little bit of a nutjob,
and he runs around the house and he jumps a lot,
so we're working on his training.
(sniffs) But they're all my favorite.
I can't choose.
I'd rather, I mean, I can't choose.
(interviewer chuckles) I can't do it.
- [Interviewer] Five onions, how do you feel?
- I feel terrible.
I mean, I don't feel terrible, but I do feel,
I'm stinging.
I'm stinging, yeah.
Three really hit me
because I had turned the first two down
and then I got obsessed with cutting them correctly,
which as you can see, I've nailed.
You can't get around how much onions hurt.
They really hurt.
They sting.
I can't touch my face.
Good luck to whosever gonna do this next, okay,
because this is gonna be a delicious soup.
(upbeat music)